Random Mutterings

It's Not You, It's Me

To my mother and the handful of other important people who still pass through here on occasion looking for some semblance of brain activity...

Synaptic firing has been low on this site for too long and I fear it's finally time to pull the plug and let it pass on to it's final resting place. And while the site's life has reached it's end, my life is charging forward with as much excitement, drama, change, growth and stubborn determination as ever. And I will still have an online presence in a few places:

DamonMcLay.org - my art portfolio
Flickr - larger selection of my photography and art
Facebook - it's rare I post anything there, but you never know

Re-Integration

I'm finishing up my third week at my new job and am beginning to settle in and feel like I know what I'm doing. I'm enjoying the people I work with, love the location and generally like what I'm doing. It's a temp-to-hire gig and my supervisor told me today that she's moving forward with the steps necessary (far too many) to make me permanent. Looks like this could work out very well indeed.

These first couple weeks of work I've been basically working and sleeping with a few photo clients thrown in the mix (more working, but at least that fun work). I have another photo client this weekend and a consult with another potential client tonight. Plus I have begun the creative brainstorming process with two models for art shoots. So my photography hasn't slowed down much. Now I just have to find a social life. I know I put it around here somewhere, but can't seem to find it. Here's hoping that I've settled into my new job and am balancing my old job (photography) well enough that I can start interacting with human beings once again. Oh, and the gym. My growing waistband is insisting that I find the time to start working out again.

Working Stiff

I just got back from a week in Provincetown, MA for a big, fat, hairy, gay event: Bear Week. Provincetown is beautiful though ridiculously expensive. Bear Week is a lot of fun with some absolutely amazing dances and social events. BUT... that's not why I brought you all here today. And by "you all" I mean my mother who is probably the only person who still reads this fledgling blog. So mom, this one's for you...

A few days before I left for Provincetown a recruiter called me having found my resume on LinkedIn. Within 48 hours I had an interview for an accounting - mostly accounts payable - position at a biotech company. The job sounds almost exactly like what I was doing at my last company except that there is no driving involved, just a short subway ride to a great downtown San Francisco location. The other big difference with this job is that it sounds like an extremely heavy work load where as my last job was packed filled of me doing things like chatting online, updating my portfolio site and filing my nails...

I had a pretty successful interview in which I was repeatedly told how "challenging" this position would be (I was guessing my nails wouldn't be getting filed for awhile). The next day I left for Provincetown. I talked to the recruiter a few times while I was away to coordinate references and paperwork and such. On Thursday the recruiter told me the biotech company wanted me to come back on Monday for a second interview. But wait... the recruiter called me back 10 minutes later and said they misinterpreted the voice mail from the company... they actually wanted me to *start work* on Monday. As in: Damon has a job again and did veeeeeeeerrry little work to actually get it. In fact, I was literally on the beach in Ptown while I was offered the job. If only I were sipping a margarita while being fanned by a hot bear love-slave at the time, that would have completed the entire scene.

Even more movie-like perfection is that I'd actually stopped looking for work to enjoy my time off and had promised myself to begin seriously looking again after Provincetown... Um. Sounds to me like the universe was listening or something cuz within 36 hours of returning from Bear Week, I'm employed once again. Creepy in the whole everything's coming up roses sort of way. And of course, by "creepy" I mean "oh my god, a job just landed in my lap and I'm completely stoked!!"

It's a temp-to-hire situation and we both get to decide after a month if this is a good fit. Worst case scenario: I have some income for the next month and brush off those dust-covered accounting skills. Best case scenario: I have landed a long term job with a rapidly growing company which pays really well and has a lot of professional/financial growth potential.

The tarnish on the silver lining: I actually have to work again. You know, like an actual responsible adult or something. But somehow I'll survive the whole income producing, sense of self-worth creating and much needed structure to my life once again scenario. But the transition from my cushy severance package supported lifestyle... ain't gonna be pretty.

Flying Time

Valette is heading to airport in mere minutes to return to regular life in Anchorage.

We had a blast at Six Flags on Thursday and our photo shoot with the model on Friday went amazingly well. The model was great to work with and Valette and I worked well together. I'll post a few pics once I have time to process them. Saturday was spent thrift store shopping and unsuccessfully trying to break into some abandoned buildings. Sunday was spent helped Valette with next week's Sunday Assignment, sitting in traffic for way too long, and searching out cool abandoned things with no success. Monday Valette spent way too much money clothes shopping and we found some awesome rusty buildings to photograph.

Now I must wake Valette from her nap to take her to airport then get some much needed rest myself. This being social and having fun thing takes a lot out of a guy.

Girl Clothes

Valette arrived early yesterday morning (yay!) and after a little nap we began our adventures. First off was food followed by meeting a model we've arranged to shoot on Friday. This magenta haired 19 year old girl (yes, with female parts and everything) had great energy and is really excited about the shoot. After we brainstormed things like hair, make-up and wardrobe Valette and I headed off to scout out locations for the shoot. We headed to one of the many places I checked out previously and found the perfect place to shoot our model. Then we headed to thrift stores to find cute/innocent/girly/doll-like clothes for our model. Shopping for "adorable" girl clothes all afternoon wasn't the way I usually spend my day (all rumors to the contrary), but we found some perfect clothes and props which makes me even more excited about the shoot.

Now Valette and I just have to decide how we'll coordinate both photographing the same model. I think an arm wrestling match is in order.

After a day of location scouting, model styling and catching up on family gossip I was worn out. An amazing Vietnamese meal ended our adventures and we chilled out for the rest of the evening.

Let it Begin!

My sister arrived at far too early this morning to begin our adventures of photography, stomach churning entertainment, shopping and cultural nightlife. We're starting our adventures by meeting a semi-professional model to finalize details for a shoot we have planned on Friday. That will be followed up with thrift store shopping for costumes and scouting out some industrial locales gritty/grungy photo taking. I'm thinking food too. Yes, definitely needing that thing called food.

Girly Shit

My sister is coming for a visit later this week. Besides intimidating the locals with our uber coolness, we're planning to do a lot of photography. In fact, we've arrange a model for us both to shoot this coming Friday. And it's a *girl* model, with female parts and everything! Fortunately we're keeping her clothes on (though we are seeking another model that's willing to be less clothed for a second concept...). I'm used to shooting the boys, with like boy parts and stuff. It'll be so interesting to see how I do photographing a girl. I photographed a fundraiser event last night and turned much of it into grabbing various people (female types included) to do mini photo shoots. So, I'm thinking I might so just fine with our girly shoot. I mean, I'd hate for Valette to have to kick me off the set cuz my gayness was ruining the shot...

Leave Your Fig Leaf at the Door

One of my roommates and I threw a naked party on Saturday. It was more awesome than I could have hoped. About 15 guys showed up, got naked and enjoyed an evening of cocktails, nibbly bits, massage, play and conversation. It was the exact relaxed atmosphere I was trying to create with no pressure, no attitude and an ease about interacting with one another without shame or insecurities. The house was all styled with flowers, vibrant fabrics, mood lighting, ambient music and some tasty drinks/treats. Everyone stayed late and asked when we were having the next naked party. With such a success I'm definitely looking forward to doing it again!

Roller Disco

Roller skates, alcohol and dance music... sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Who wants to come find out with me?!

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I so love living in a place where I can walk to get most anything I need. Need a prescription refilled? I can pick that up on my way to rent a movie for the night, after I drop my pants off to be hemmed, before I pick up this seasons hottest new jeans, purchase a new dildo, grab some lunch, meet friends for a cocktail, then pick up some groceries before walking back home. I love living in the Castro.

I Reckon

A week ago a friend and I spent several hours reviewing the Myers-Briggs personality typing. We psychologically geeked out, spent tons of time going through each "preference" description and created our own scoring system to have a sense of how we fit into each of the four areas. Now, mind you, the official testing is supposed to be done by a professional, taking several hours and costing several hundred dollars. So... I'm quite sure our fly-by-night scoring system based on some short summaries was flawed in more ways than one. Nevertheless, it was damned fun and gave at least a vague sense of how all this stuff applied to us.

I've studied Myers-Briggs in the past and had a fairly good sense of where I fit in this typing system. I was fairly certain I was an ENFJ (Extrovert/Intuitive/Feeling/Judging). Seemed pretty clear. I didn't know much about the two center preferences, but I knew I was unmistakably Judging (planning is my safety blanket) and I also thought I was unmistakably Extrovert. I mean after all I'm fairly outgoing, I best work through emotions/problems by talking through them with others, and I often enjoy the spotlight.

Well, I was shocked to realized that according to the Myers-Briggs criteria I actually fall more on the Introvert side of the scale than I do Extrovert. According to their criteria (in contrast to how the words "extrovert" and "introvert" are used in common language), this preference has to do with where you put your attention and where you get your energy. Well I definitely put a lot of attention into ideas and thoughts prior to action. I tend to focus my interactions on a few close friendships rather than a whole group of friends. In contrast to the common usage of the term, being an I has nothing to do with being shy (cuz I'm *so* not shy). The biggest non-E characteristic for me is that large groups drain my energy/resources super fast. In fact I'm avoiding those group scenes more and more. I definitely gain my energy from being alone or in one-on-one settings. This has become so blatantly obvious to me since moving to a big city.

I'm naturally not a complete I, but my own experience and this recent reevaluation of Myers-Briggs leads me to believe I'm definitely more on that side of the spectrum than the E side. That insight is a major shift in my self-perception and I find it really freeing. I no longer feel that I'm demonstrating poor social skills when I'm unable to enjoy a party/dance/street fair more than an hour or two. I no longer want to give into peer pressure like "I never get to see you because you don't want to come out with drinks with everyone." I think I used to believe that being E was the more mature/evolved way of being and strove to achieve that. I'm now learning to better embrace my I needs and preferences.

Hello my name is Damon and I'm an Introvert.

In the end I'm an INFJ, and extremely weighted on the F and J sides of those spectrums. I can tell you more about those if you care to know, but the I realization was the one that was the most helpful to me this time around. So I'm an INFJ, what are you?

Cravings

Late night dining requirements: turkey club, curly fries, & chocolate/peanut butter shake. Overkill? Perhaps. Comfort food bliss? Definitely.

Disturbing Admissions

"Did you know that you can tell if a gun is loaded by sucking on the barrel?"

May Be Habit Forming

I was recently introduced to an unimpressive looking cheese steak place which has since consumed my life. These humble looking cheesy creations of bliss have come from the angels themselves to bestow upon me the true meaning of happiness. The Cheese Steak Shop is nowhere near my house and yet I seem to accidentally be "in the neighborhood" quite a lot lately. And while I've not yet partaken of cheese steak enlightenment more than once in a single day, I can't say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind.

Alamere Falls

Wednesday was my birthday (that'd be 37 for those who can't count... John). For the grand occasion I drove an hour north and hiked 8.6 miles round trip to Alamere Falls. I've been wanting to make that hike for a few years now and the day of my birthing seemed like the perfect time to do it. The hike was pretty with some great coastal views, lush valleys and tons of that quiet nature stuff. The main falls drop 40 feet right onto the beach (and when the tide is in, right into the ocean). A higher portion of the falls created this picture perfect cove with a small waterfall spilling into a pool. Naturally I had to get naked and get in the freezing waterfall. It was, afterall, the best way I could think to celebrate my 37 years on the planet.

Disco Damon

I went to a 70s themed birthday party last night...

Bloated Self-Pity

It's the middle of the night once again and I'm all melancholy and introspective. I find that I often mistake sleep deprivation for some deep, meaningful insight into this whole thing we call life. Instead I think it just fuels things like depression and gastrointestinal distress.

So... Ya Busy?

I didn't get the job of many interviews which means I'm back to square one with the application process. Meanwhile, how should I spend my time as an unemployed man? Traveling the country sounds great, but may not be the best way to use my severance package. I've been making more contacts with potential models so I'm hoping to do more photo shoots with my time off. These are mostly non-paying gigs, but it'll be fun and will build my repertoire of things that will one day make me unbearably famous and ridiculously rich. Until that day comes, I'll just be twiddling my thumbs watching my savings dwindle away.

No Place Like Home

So I'm all, like, done with my job. Yep. No more employment for me. It's honestly a relief. After all this waiting for the ship to sink crap for months, it's nice to finally let it go. Plus I got severance money in the bank which feels good. On top of that my 4th interview with this other company went well. I'm one of two final candidates and should know something by the end of this week.

Meanwhile, I've decided to take this time to visit my homeland and see my mother. 3 years is far too long to be away from one's maternal being. So I'm bundling up and going to spend a few days up north. The temps will be quite a shock considering I just got back from sunning on the beach in San Francisco's current heat wave. Still, it'll be good to be home for a few days.

Another Door Closing

The shareholder vote passed. My company is now being bought out and I will be out of a job by next week. Being out of a job sucks, but waiting for the inevitable job loss for the past 6 months (with almost nothing to do in the meanwhile) has sucked even more. It feels good to finally be at the end of that. Plus, this merger passing kicks in a rather nice severance package for me. Now if I can just land this job I've been interviewing for, my severance will be money in the bank. Things are looking up!

Realistically Speaking

I like to consider myself a realist. Quite often a painful realist. Why, then, can I not accept the reality that this new life is truly what is best for me? I know it. I've had enough examples to prove that it is the case. Still I'm obsessed with a past potential that wasn't realized. A potential that can never be realized. I believe in potential, but I also believe in letting go of an ideal when it has fizzled itself out. I'm desperately searching for ways to let go of the ideal of my past relationship and embrace the reality of the bright, healthy future ahead of me. If anyone has a magic pill to get me to that place of much needed acceptance, let me know.

Dreaming

I'm in the space of my new life. Unpacking a little–very little–each day. Not ready to believe everything has changed. I wake in someone else's house. Surrounded by foreign things which are to become mine. My home. My neighborhood. My life. I go to sleep wishing to reawaken my past existence.

On the Hunt

So I find myself looking for an apartment on my own. Well, on my own with 12 of my closest roommates so I can actually afford to live "on my own." The rental market is often very challenging in this area and I had the nerve to actually want to live in the Castro, a much coveted area of sun and gayness. I've had friends that have searched for months to find a place and were not able to get their ideal location. Well, I started looking at places. Saw four different apartments. Two of which were in the Castro. And now, less than a week into the hunt, I have a place to live. In the Castro. With only two roommates.

I move in the next few weeks.

Foundational Issues

My grandmother passed away a little over a week ago. I wasn't very close to her and haven't seen her in several years. Because of that her death doesn't have the same sort of impact on me it might otherwise. Still some core impact that a person who was indirectly responsible for my existence and somehow who has always been a part of my life... is no longer. Perhaps even more impacting is imagining how my grandfather must be affected by her passing. They were together nearly 70 years and did everything together. In spite of all my efforts, I don't think I can truly fathom how earth-shattering this must be for him. Grandpa: I wish you remarkable strength, comfort and love. Grandma: rest in peace.

Halloween 2008 - Fallen Angel

Black hair was required for this year's halloween costume including all the body hair I would be showing off. How did I accomplish that? Black hair spray for my head. Everything else? Two hours later my eyebrow, beard, chest, belly and arm hair was crusty with black mascara. As uncomfortable as that was, the 40 minutes of scrubbing later that night was even worse. Was it worth it? No. Would I do it again? Probably. Because I'm just that stupid.

Motivationally Speaking

My computer is finally back to normal so I no longer have an excuse for not updating my resume, following up with some contacts to look for a new job, processing doggy photos/videos or working on the logo design gig I just landed. Now I'm just missing one thing. Anyone have any spare motivation around they aren't using?

Dog Tired

I spent 4 hours today shooting photos and video of a poodle. It's true. My furriest photo shoot yet (and that's saying something). The dog in question is use in to help sick children and has her own tv show on the hospital closed circuit television. She needed some new photos and some video to be turned into an opening sequence for the show. Looks like we'll need one more day of shooting before we have it all wrapped up, but I think we got some great stuff today. Stuff like her riding in a police car, shaking hands/paws with a firefighter on the firetruck, riding a merry-go-round, running near the Bay Bridge and riding a cable car. We were exhausted after all our shooting, but I think it was worth it.

Broken Up

My computer is all broken and shit. To the point that I'm concerned I may lose all the photos I've taken in the last couple of weeks. It's currently in the hands of some french dude who says he thinks he can recover the files. I backed up my files a couple of weeks ago, but I've taken lots of photos since then. Fortunately my Boston photos are still on the laptop and the paid shoot I did last Friday was still on the camera card. Here's hoping some french magic can return the rest of my photos to me very soon.

Meanwhile, I'm packing for a trip to the glorious Kernville, CA. Why, you may ask, am I heading to the redneck hills of southern California? It's not to remind me what small town living is all about. It's not to return to my roots as a fisherman. It's not to be mocked for the use of hair products or the purchase of soy chai lattes. I'm going down to see Mike's hometown and to help throw a big 70th birthday bash for his darling mother. Should be a fun weekend.

Back to the Left Coast

It feels great to be back home. I've not been away from my men for this long so having them in my arms once again was an extra special treat. After a week away from work I got everything caught up within about 8 hours. Today I'm processing photos from the trip (I hope to have those complete in the next couple of days). Tomorrow I have two paid photo shoots scheduled which is awesome. Sunday is the freaky fetish extravaganza of Folsom Street Fair. We'll see how many minutes I last this year before becoming overwhelmed with the crowds...

Trespassing

Six years ago today Melissa died. Most days I just feel like celebrating Melissa's role in my life. Today I'm full of sadness to have lost her. This whole trip to Boston was a way for Valette and I to commemorate the occasion. Today we photographed some abandoned buildings and even trespassed into a few in Melissa's honor. Tonight we're exhausted and just going to lay low and get ready for our far too early flights home tomorrow.

Ferry to the Fairies

Today Valette and I took the fast ferry to Provincetown. The ferry ride was amazing for me. It's been years since I've been on the water and I loved it. The photo on the left was taken as we left Boston Harbor.

So I've heard lots of this little cute little gay hamlet know as P-Town and wanted to check it out for myself. I'd heard so much constant praise about the place that I was worried it could never live up to the hype. Fortunately I, too, found it charming and fun. There was some great shopping and, being such a big gay destination, it had tons of amazing clothing stores for men. I was bumming big time that I had no money to spend on the 326 shirts, shorts, swimsuits, pants and sexual paraphernalia that were calling my name. Maybe next time around.

We didn't arrive in P-Town till 3:30pm and all the stores started closing about 6pm. Our ferry didn't leave till 8:30pm so after dinner we decided to take a walk through the cemetery in the pitch blackness. From there we headed off to the northwest on Race Point Rd in pursuit of a beach. After 20 minutes of walking on streets absent of any light, very little traffic, lots of eerie horror movie background noise and our surmising all the ways we could die at the hands of some disgruntled burly gay man... we turned back and got back to the pier just in time to catch our ferry back to Boston.

And just for the record, never once on this death-defying journey did I run like a scared little girl at the sound of some killer mutant bear bounding through the woods. You know, just in case you hear anything to the contrary.

Parking Lot Visions

Today we went to the SoWa Open Market which was nice, though smaller than I had expected. At the end of the market I wandered into a brick building they are using for parking lot and found the most amazing abandoned warehouse. Valette and I spent a lot time exploring and photographing this find. We want to go back with our flashes so we can get some better pics of it.

After that we did some shopping and I took a nap. After dinner, I went to The Ramrod bar only to find out that it was Mr. Boston Leather night upstairs and some fetish ball in the dance area downstairs... Since I'm not a fan of leathered beauty pageants or $20 covers for freak fests, I left pretty quickly.

Overall it was a nice, low-key day. I'm proud to admit that the highlight of the day was a run down warehouse turned parking lot.

Swell Day

We went shopping today on Newbury St without much success. Valette ended up with a pair of shoes and me a shirt both from Filene's Basement, a mega discount clothing store. Think piles and piles of designer clothes being sifted through by hordes of greedy shoppers and you'll get a sense of the vibe of the store. If you dig deep enough you'll find that most perfect shirt in your size for less than half of the original price.

Tonight we took the crazy congested green line (subway) to Boston University to see a concert by The Swell Season which features the brilliant musicians who starred in the indie movie musical Once. They were absolutely amazing. In an arena filled with about 5,000 people they treated the show like an intimate coffeehouse gig. They were very down-to-earth and passionate about their music. I was blown away and so glad we went. We bought tickets the night before and were somehow able to get seats in the front row which was blissful. I would definitely see them again.

Wayward Blogger

I'm not sure if you're still reading this or if you've completely given up on me ever blogging again, but... I'm in Boston. With Valette.

Her: "I have miles to burn, wanna go somewhere?"
Me: "Sure."
Her: "K. See you in Boston."

And here we are staying in a mongo-sized apartment in Jamaica Plain in the outskirts of Boston. We're here for almost a week with not much planned at the moment. Today we walked the touristy Freedom Trail which is just a touristy way to see a bunch of historical stuff. Not terribly thrilling for two photographers who like to photograph rusty shit, but it was a good way to start get our bearings of the city and to wear our poor little feet to the bone. We have 4 days ahead of us for more walking and hopefully lots of fun-filled adventures.

Back from the Sun

So I weaseled my way out of work early on Thursday and joined my men up in Guerneville to enjoy a few days of sunning, flirting, dancing chilling around the tent and hanging out with new and old friends. I had so much fun that I would have enjoyed another day or two of it. And I didn't sunburn once. Go SPF 50!

Perky

My workload has been very light at work as we all just wait for a final deal to be struck and our company to be bought out from underneath us. While that instability and lack of any real purpose is stressful, the flexibility perks of current work life are damned impressive. For example: I now "work" from home two of my four days a week. I still get paid my full salary, but can pass part of that time at home accomplishing the minimal amount of work I have to get done. It saves me time and money. Plus the dress code at home is much less, shall we say, cumbersome. It's a nice perk and I'm going to take advantage of it in the next couple of months I'm still at this job.

I just found out that a guy who lives in Turkey (from a very religious Kurd family), an acquaintance of Mike & Michael, someone I've met briefly... was shot by his family for being gay. The sadness of his death is compounded by the horror of the circumstances. I can't even fathom a culture where that is the response to something you don't like or are afraid of. My world is so safe in comparison. I mourn for this man and for a world in which that kind of fear can exist.

Oregon Farewells

I'm back from our 10 day road trip. The Oregon coast was beautiful. My favorite part was probably Cape Perpetua Scenic Area. Wandering the tide pools, treking across the rocks and exploring the Devil's Churn.

It was awesome seeing so much of Oregon, though I'm so glad to not be packing our bags and driving everyday. Next time around I'm landing in one place for awhile and letting someone bring all the beauty to me (in a glass with a tiny pink umbrella).

Road Trip 1.0

The story thusfar of the illustrious trio's road trip adventures:

Corning (California): bug infested, trucker country. Christian parenting books in the convenience store. Outside jacuzzi filled with a large quantity of chlorine with a dab of water.
Crater Lake: beautiful sunken volcano with bits of snow along the road.
Steamboat Inn: charming place on a gorgeous river with family style dining and overly intense dinner companions. Blaring alarms that announce our arrival to our rental house with the rock hard bed. Gorgeous drive over the mountains the next day.
Portland: great character, hip restaurants and bars, art all over including shoe stores, great shopping and doughnuts as big as your head. I'm definitely going back.
Mcmenamins Edgefield: fun place with years of history filling the place with character, murals on nearly every square inch of the place, dormitory style shared bathroom, drama with the drunk people at the pool table.
Columbia River Gorge: gorgeous waterfalls, magical gorge with death-defying feats, far too much hiking.
Astoria: kick-ass hotel on the Columbia River as it opens up into the Pacific. Great food, small little town. Looking forward to driving down the coast.

Well Deserved

Mike, Michael and I are hitting the road tonight for a week and a half road trip through Oregon. Redding, Steamboat, Portland for two nights, Columbia River Gorge, Astoria then making our way leisurely down the coast. I'm so excited both to see Oregon for the first time and to have all that time away with my men.

For my time away from work the director of finance told me to take two comp days for "all the work" I did closing 1st quarter finances. She also told me to go ahead and take two more comp days in advance of the upcoming work to close 2nd quarter finances.

I guess always leaving the office early and putzing away on personal projects while at work warrants some comp time. Who knew? Maybe if I stop coming to work all together I'll earn even more. The fact that she is clueless about my lack of workload will not stop me from taking her up on her very generous offer.

Since I work four day weeks, those undeserved comp days cover all of my time away next week. My company gives two days for the July 4th holiday which covers the one day I'll be missing this week and still leaves me an extra comp day to take at some other time. That's right. Not only do I not have to use any PTO for my 10 day trip, but I'm actually getting a bonus day off out of the deal. The insanity of boring, direction-less job sure does pay off sometimes.

Weekend Happiness

The last two nights my men and I have been out on the town hanging out with friends. From helping long term friends decide if a new house is right for them to navigating the insane PRIDE crowds with budding new friendships it's been just the social jolt we've all been needing. Today we take a little drive to see Vienna Teng in concert which should be a nice way to spend the day.

Kitten Land

Michael, Mike and I helped throw a birthday party for our 6 year old friend on Saturday complete with clues, mysteries, scavenger hunt, treasures, art project, pizza, cake, ice cream and eight 6-year-old girls battling over who gets to play with the new presents first. The treasure (buried in the sand box at the nearby school) was eight gold masks. These masks, once decorated, transformed the girls into princesses of magical kingdoms like "Pony Pasture" and "Flowertopia." In spite of many kingdoms to choose from each and every girl decided to be princesses of "Kitten Land" and decorated their masks accordingly. We've received reports that days after the party Kitten Land is still enjoying it's many new princesses.

Heavy Topic

So I've not been great about keeping my gym routine lately and when I have made to the gym my workouts have been abbreviated because I was "just not feeling it today." Add to that being pretty free-loving with my diet and you get 10 extra pounds that put a strain on my waistband. So I'm officially back on a regular workout schedule. I'm also officially removing gummy bears, ice cream, vanilla wafers and italian sodas from my "daily recommended" list. It is summer afterall and it'd be nice to not have use a shoe horn to get into my swimsuit.

Initiation

Michael's mom turns 70 today. Last weekend we crammed a party into two cars and drove 3.5 hours north to her new home in Point Arena to unleash this party on 50 guests. We had fabulous drinks, catering, musicians in a live jam session and all around a great party. Add to that meeting and spending time with members of Michael's family from around the country and it made for a very full weekend. Fortunately the family wasn't nearly as crazy as you fear in-laws might be. I had a great time with them. I was worried they'd see me as the bastard third arm that's grown onto a relationship they already knew and loved. Instead they were very loving and wonderful toward me.

All that party throwing, nervousness about being accepted and non-stop family time has left me exhausted and far too emotionally fragile for my own good. It might take a few days before I feel like a real person again.

Long Time, No Post

This past weekend Mike's mom visited and I did a photo shoot of her to get material for her 70th birthday party later this year. She's a sassy, energetic woman and a lot of fun to be around. The shoot was fun and we got some great shots of her.

Sunday night Mike and I went to an awesome 80s dance where people couldn't stop smiling while they danced and sang along. It was the best dance I've been to in a long time. I had to tear myself away so I could get a little bit of sleep before my Monday morning wake up call.

After the first wave of layoffs at work, I've found myself fairly busy again as I take on some of the duties from a colleague who was let go. While the extra work has been mostly annoying, menial tasks it's felt good to actually be productive and needed at work.

Tonight I head to San Diego with my men for the weekend. Michael has a conference there. Mike and I are going along to persuade him to skip much of said conference.

Lazy Degenerates

"I'd stalk you, but I'm entirely too lazy."

People say the sweetest things online.

Project Runway Passed Me By

At work, in an effort to stave off boredom and burn off some creative energy, I decided to try to create an uber-trendy scarf out of paper clips. I had a vision of this glittering chain mail scarf trimmed with black binder clips. I saw myself as the next great thing to hit Project Runway and expected high fashion experts to be flocking to my front door any day now with offers to fund my latest line of office supply daily wear.

Well, there's a little problem with the whole paper clip scarf plan. You see, linked together paper clips don't really know that they are supposed to stay all flat and fabulous. I mean, I told them to do that, and even helped them believe in their potential to be flat and fabulous. And the paper clips were looking kinda cool sitting on my desk all glittery and edgy lying nicely flat in their properly assigned rows.

Then I picked up my carefully crafted creation to reveal... the biggest cluster ball of knotted paper clips I've ever seen.

I cursed under my breath as I untangled some 300 paper clips and gave up on my dreams to be America's next top fashion designer. I couldn't even bring myself to photograph the disaster for your viewing pleasure. Just picture a huge mound of unfabulous paper clips and you've basically got the right idea.

Action Packed

It was a wonderfully social weekend with a great art closing reception Friday night, several friends over for a relaxing garden potluck Saturday night, scoring lots of great deals at the Alameda flea Sunday morning, a brief appearance at San Francisco's bear bar Sunday afternoon before seeing the kick ass Iron Man movie. In the midst of all that was beautiful weather, time with my men and some down time at home. All-in-all, it was a great weekend and I vote we skip this whole weekday thing and have another weekend right away.

36 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

It's my birthday today. Woo-hoo! Go birthday!! Whose your daddy?!?

Sorry. Got a little carried away there.

I'm all like 36 and shit. I was recently carded going into a dance. The guard said, "You're 36? You look a lot older." Thanks numbnuts. Love you too.

I'm going to try to bat my eyes all pretty like and convince my supervisor to let me take the afternoon off. Now if only I had some wild something to do with that afternoon off. Any suggestions?

Well Then

Just last weekend a deaf guy dressed in the latest leather fashion accessories asked me to beat him with the pain implement of my choice. I don't know much sign language, but this guy made his point horrifyingly clear through a series of well placed hand gestures. There was something indescribably disturbing and surreal about having a flogging scenario mimicked in front of me when I didn't know this person and didn't even want to know he liked that sort of scene let alone picture him in the throws of it. I tried to play it cool, but I'm sure my horror was evident when I turned him down with the uncontrollable epileptic-like shaking of my head.

Welcome to the Lobby

Birthday Bears

Yesterday would have been Melissa's 24th birthday. As a gift to her I did a photo shoot with some of my favorite bears. Happy Birthday Melissa. Your wacky sense of humor and love for life continues on in me. I will love you always.

On a Starbucks Cup

"Childhood is a strange country. It's a place you come from or go to - at least in your mind. For me it has an endless, spellbound something in it that feels remote. It's like a little sealed-vault country of cake breath and grass stains where what you do instead of work is spin until you're dizzy."
-Lyall Bush

White Boy

Even when I'm technically tan I'm still pretty much a blinding spectacle of glaring whiteness.

It's All About Perception

One of the great things about not living on my own is that now when I have my photography and other art up on the walls... instead of looking completely in love with myself it just looks like I have proud and supportive partners (who may or may not have been threatened with lack of sex if they didn't devote an entire hallway to my masterpieces).

Snowy Snobbery

Michael, Mike and I spent the weekend out near Arnold, CA in the Sierra Mountains. There was snow on the ground though it was pretty wet and sleeted most of the weekend with temps around 30°F. We went with several friends (8 of us in total) and had a pretty low key weekend away spent mostly in the large house we were all sharing.

While I generally pride myself on getting away from the snow and ice of my home state, I found myself secretly disappointed that the snow was too wet for sledding, making snowmen, or for the fun of snowmachines. And just recently hearing tales of fun snowmachining adventures added to my angst and made me ponder selling my left kidney so I could afford the cost of an emergency flight to Homer so I could convince my brother to take me out on the trails (I'll make it out to his cabin one of these days).

How did I cope with the the horror of realizing that I actually missed the snow? Well, I did the only thing I could do: funneled all my energy into pure, delicious condescension...

As my Californian cohorts discussed how to drive cars up the slushy drive, the need for shoveling the 1/4" of snow and how we might all get snowed in... I found myself turning into the diva queen of all things winter.

"Well if *I* were driving, I wouldn't be scared at all because I grew up in Alaska and I nearly died every day on those slick, scary, icy Alaskan roads."

The fact that no one had problems handling the roads, the shoveling, the temperature or firing up the wood stove didn't deter me from radiating a sense of icy superiority.

"I've seen 60 below."

So there.

Streak

So nearly all the staff are out this afternoon to some "social committee" event (I know, I basically work at a day camp for adults). Since it's such a ghost town around here I was thinking of running through the halls naked. Brooke thinks it'd be perfectly appropriate and I'm sure she'd never steer me wrong.

Where's My Silver Lining?

Greg: You get the human condition + free will + sexual self-discovery and that's a recipe for a roller coaster that reaches heaven before dropping you to hell with a few loop-de-loops in the middle.

Gee, when you put it that way... where are the razor blades?

Don't Go Changing

I've decide not to head to DC this weekend after all. I've been fighting a cold that is only getting worse. Work is requiring a lot of extra time and effort this week which leaves me no time to rest up and may mean I need to actually work the days I was planning to take off.

I know my travel quotient will be low this month. Only one trip in January. <gasp> It will also mean I will have only taken *seven* trips in the last six months. How do I even live with myself? I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for this gross injustice. I'll try to make it up to you.

Wiiiiiiiiiiiii!

I'm in Louisville and having a fun time catching up with Angie. Today I was introduced to the Ninetendo Wii for the first time and loved it. I could easily spend the rest of the trip glued to Super Mario Galaxy. Tonight we went to white trash dinner theatre complete with a buffet including fried chicken and sweet potato casserole. What the show, Murder at the Howard Johnson's, lacked in depth was certainly made up for in the lack of acting abilities by the cast. Being the "quality entertainment" diva that I am it's painful to admit that I still had a great time hanging out with Angie in what appeared to be a pace maker convention. Of course the tasty margaritas and double hit of brownie sundaes may be to blame for my fun evening. I'm still burping up hot fudge.

Uncaged

Lynne has been ~~complaining~~ commenting that I've perhaps been a little too travel happy lately. I beg to differ. It's been over two weeks since I've traveled anywhere. That's like an eternity or something. Well I'll be breaking my inordinately long vow of travel celibacy and flying off to Louisville (KY) this weekend to visit a good friend and help celebrate her birthday (she's a whole 4 months older than I am). The following weekend I'm flying to DC to visit online friends and go to a gay/leather event. They should be some fun trips. Though now that I have some delicious men to come home to I can't say that the thought of being out of town so much is as thrilling as it once was. Next time I'm dragging their cute asses with me.

Commuticable Grumpiness

Now that my daily commute involves crossing the Bay Bridge the timeliness of my arrival to work is a precarious thing. One accident on or around the bridge slows down the cog works to the point of doubling the commute. Over an hour of my morning was spent sitting in traffic with other angry drivers who suddenly felt that 'every man for himself' was the best way to approach a difficult commute. While being slowly hypnotized by the sea of brake lights ahead of me I found myself wishing I had some of my audio books with me. You know, the kind of audio books that come with large doses of valium. And a chocolate chip cookie to take the edge off. Something to have avoided the extreme grumpiness of being stuck in traffic, dealing with annoying people and being late to work.

Purge Happy

So. You know. I don't really own much stuff. Each of my moves in the last few years (and the moves have been many) has involved me getting rid of more and more stuff. I'm just not loving being bogged down by possessions and shit. Now I'm slowing moving my current possessions into my new home with my men and am still feeling like I have too much. I've already starting throwing stuff away and feel that there's lots more purging to be done. Now I've certainly gathered things in the year since I moved to SF, but even without that I think I could live with less. So here's my question: am I just addicted to purging possessions? Do I have commitment issues with the shit I buy? Can I not hold down a long term relationship with even the loveliest of bath products? Best to figure these things out now before I recklessly break the hearts of more delicate trinkets and baubles.

Try to Keep Up

Well, I'm moved into my new home in Alameda which is just across the bay bridge from San Francisco. I am not even close to having everything moved, but I have the basics: hair gel and computer. The rest will come over a little at a time. We spent much of yesterday moving stuff and redecorating the house. Playing happy homemaker is kinda fun and while it can't compete with my cramped and moldy basement apartment, I'll find some way to cope with the burdens of being in a real house again with real parking and real cable tv.

Happy December 25th

Merry Christmas and all that jazz. I'm sitting in a rental house near Yosemite enjoying a relaxing few days away with Michael and Mike. We've explored a bit of the area, watched lots of videos, talked about new lives together and are enjoying being away together. We're celebrating Christmas day with a drive through Yosemite National Park, getting massages at a local spa and then making ourselves a tasty Christmas dinner. We head home Wednesday and I'll still be off work until after New Years. It's such a difficult existence I live.

Sadistic: Take 2

So I sat with Greg again while he had another tattoo appointment, this time to begin adding color to the piece. The appointment involved Greg crushing every last bone in both my hands, much grimacing on both our parts, talk about dominatrix girlfriends, and the therapeutic use of a bastardized Barbie doll. A good time was had by all, though Greg didn't seem to fully appreciate the rapid puncturing of his skin for the tattoo artist's sadistic pleasure. I, on the other hand, found it quite enjoyable.

Triad 3.0

Well, I've got the moving thing figured out and it just so happens to coincide with a little thing I like to call commitment. Some might call it engagement or covenant or "OMG I'm getting hitched," but I'd say commitment works just fine.

Not that I expect anyone to be able to keep up with my relational dramatics, but after a little sort-it-all-out hiatus I'm back with Mike and Michael and stronger than ever. So my romantic self is jumping in full force (big surprise huh?) and making plans to move in with them in triunal triumvirate of triptych bliss.

(Well coordinating three people living together will likely not be 24/7 bliss, but "triunal triumvirate of triptych niceness" just didn't have the same ring to it.)

It'll kinda be like Three Men and a Baby, but without the baby and with a whole lot more sex.

S&M Disappointments

My friend Greg got a new tattoo last night. Well, the outlines of one at least. I agreed to keep him company throughout the ordeal cuz I wanted to watch him squeal like a girl and writhe in pain. Instead he limited his response to lying like a corpse with occasional wincing. I feel gipped.

The Homework Ate My Dog

My eye's doing all better and stuff which means I'll have to figure out some other creative reason to stay home from work. The next time I'll be off is when my dog needs to have surgery on his hip. Now I just have to get a dog...

Eye Grit

Yesterday I decided that scratching or otherwise irritating my left eye was a good plan. Feeling like gravel was crawling around my eye socket and leaking gallons of tears was really a great way to spend my day. The eye is still enjoying some post-apocalyptic afterglow today. Enough so that I didn't feel safe to drive to work (sad, I know). So I'm putzing around willing my eye to get better. It's much better than yesterday and I'm nearly certain a few more hot chocolates and thai iced teas will ensure a rapid recovery.

Damn the Turkey

I boycotted Thanksgiving this year. Well, technically I boycotted turkey and the whole social thing. I was still thankful and all that good stuff. I turned down an offer to spend the day with a good friend and a few of his friends. Instead I made it a day to pamper myself and focus on my art. I spent several hours processing photos from New Orleans, took a nap, hung out in the Castro, met a hottie model who's agreed to pose for me, did a self photo shoot, and watched Little Britain Abroad followed by Project Runway. All in all in was a very artsy and fun day.

And another thing about Thanksgiving: I've never been a huge fan of the traditional turkey dinner. For years I've been trying to convince friends and family to forgo that tradition and do something like a huge Thai feast for the day. Everyone has been extremely enthusiastic "as long as I get a little turkey, cuz it's just not Thanksgiving without turkey... oh and we have to have mashed potatoes... and maybe just a little cranberry sauce and stuffing..."

Right.

So basically we're going to have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with a side of pad thai?

While I didn't cook a huge Thai feast for me, myself and I, I did go out for dinner and had myself a tasty Asian Pear and Gorgonzola Salad. It's not quite Thai, but I felt all wild and rebellious eating it. It was just a froo-froo California hybrid salad I know, but to me it was my "damn the man" to the whole Thanksgiving institution.

Oh. And... Happy Thanksgiving.

I Simply Must Have My Chai Tea

While I loved my time in New Orleans and am eager for a return visit, my time there helped me realize how perfect California is for me: a land filled with chai tea, holistic medicine and recycling bins. In my book that sure beats 24/7 alcohol, voodoo marts and not a single effort to recycle in sight. Alaska definitely has the free-thinking thing and California amps that up a couple hundred percent. Am I becoming a green loving, alternative thinking Californian snob? Perhaps. But it's okay, cuz we're better than everyone else.

Grounded

I've returned from New Orleans and back to this thing called reality. I had an awesome trip filled with food, art galleries, socializing, making friends, photography, sunning by the pool, relaxing and tons of walking. It's definitely a different world down there. I'm looking forward to another visit at some point so I can see even more of the area.

On the flights to and from I watched several movies the best of which was The Fountain with Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. What a beautiful movie.

I don't have any more trips planned until January. It'll be nice to have time in SF again, though I have to admit that I'm loving the hell out of this new travel kick.

Big Easy

I'm in New Orleans for an extended weekend, hanging out with my friend Volney and loving being away for a bit. My luggage showed up about 16 hours after I did, but overall I'd say the trip's off to a good start. Walked several neighborhoods, visited some art galleries, drank a hurricane and am heading out in a bit for some nightlife. I don't get home till Monday night. Yay me!

Narcissistic Tendencies

The smell of leather was strong on the dance floor of The Oasis. It's not that leather is the most practical material for shaking your booty, but when it's the official dance of Palm Springs Leather Pride what else are you going to wear? While I sweated to the oldies in my own personal leather chaps and vest oven, I flirted. One hottie in particular caught my eye and I made sure to sweat in his general direction. After I took a break from my flirtatious gyrations my friend Greg pointed out that the object of my flirtation bore a striking resemblance to myself. When I looked again I saw his point. Oh well. It's not like it's some big newsflash that I worship at the throne of Narcissus. And I'd rather get caught flirting with a look-a-like than making out with the mirror again. Cuz, well, that was just embarrassing.

Palm Springs

I'm spending the weekend in Palm Springs and will be enduring a lot of lying by the pool sunning myself. I'll also be enduring a massage, leather events, flirting and sight seeing. Why do I put myself through all this? Because someone has to do it my friend.

Cubed

We're in our new office space today. Boxes and cords and cables and shit everywhere. I've spent all morning tracking down missing laptops, unpacking boxes and trying to find my way around this place. My cubicle is a bit secluded (which I love) and I have more desk space than I did before. I have a feeling all day will be spent shuffling around papers as I try to get settled in. But don't worry, if I do get to the point of some productivity today I'll be sure to fill it with personal projects.

Wild Times in Cincinnati

George has had the nerve to be sick since I got here. So I've been hanging out with his partner Dennis, seeing a bit of Cincinnati, catching up on my chat addiction, soaking in the hot tub and all out relaxing. Last night Dennis, myself and two of his friends went to a private halloween party in Dayton an hour away. The house was loaded with with more decorations, fake smoke and animatronic ghouls than a Disney attraction on crack. I guess these guys have been decorating for the last month just to be ready for the occasion. The costumes ranged from redneck (meaning they came as they were) to superhero to victorian queen. It was a fun event and I'm glad I twisted Dennis' arm into taking me even though George was down for the count. I have a few more hours in Cincinnati before heading home. I'm making the guys take me down town so I can photograph some broken down shit before I leave.

Retail Therapy

Yesterday's coping mechanism: shopping. I have three new pairs of pants, two shirts and a belt to show for my "therapy" time. None of which was on sale. I blame Stacy and Clinton for my determination to invest in fabulous clothing.

Creative Coping Crusades

This weekend's coping, er, adventures...

Two nights in Santa Rosa hanging out with Lou, taking a walk in a gorgeous forest, helping an unknown french man celebrate his US citizenship, exploring art galleries, buying a painting of my very own (how adult of me), posing for a sculptor, dressing like an s&m satyr for bingo with the sisters, nearly winning the best costume contest (those damned "cereal killers" robbed me of my victory), going to an awesome dance party, winning the cutest ass contest (that'll teach those cereal killers), doing a photoshoot once I returned home, then hanging out with a new friend while I weeped and moaned about having no idea how to move on from my ended relationship.

With the awesome weekend I had I'm still all depressed and shit. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I'd just stayed at home eating truffles all weekend. Well, I imagine I'd be crying into newly developed fat folds and we can't be having that. So... let the adventures of the dynamically depressed superhero continue!

Keeping It Real

So as of a week and a half ago I am single once again. And while the "future is bright" this present moment lacks in adequate illumination. I've been coping by keeping myself busy and diving back into all the things that I enjoy so much: hanging out with friends, making new friends, working on my art and exploring the area.

This weekend I'm heading to Santa Rosa to hang out with Lou, go to a citizenship party for a friend of his, go hiking and have a pre-halloween bingo party with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. The following weekend I'm attending a minimalist halloween party (how does one costume oneself without the use of clothing?). The last weekend of the month I'm flying to Cincinnati for a few days to visit my friend George and his partner Dennis. At the end of the month I'm taking an Intermediate Digital Photography Class. Beyond that I've submitted work to a gallery to be considered for their 2008 show schedule, have completed a new photo layering piece, have three photo shoots scheduled, am checking out a few groups I've been wanting to know more about (some with scary results) and have started to catch up on the movies/tv shows I've wanted to see.

All in all, I'd say I'm doing damned well considering the circumstances. Maybe the present ain't so dim after all.

Travel Gods

So I'm trying to continue this grand adventure of exploration I've been on for the last few years (loving it, by the way). Part of that is a desire to travel and see more of the country/world. I have this lofty fantasy to fly to some random place for a weekend just to have experienced it. I have 3 day weekends so this would be fairly feasible for me to accomplish. For this relative newby to travel, the only problem with my grand plan is my comfort-zone induced need to have a set agenda and/or a companion for such ventures. You know, some sort of training wheels before I start wandering the country like Forest Gump. A broadway ticket would do the trick. Or maybe traveling somewhere just to go sky diving. Honestly, I'd much prefer to simply attend the bestest event in the whole wide universe, but you'd be surprised how hard that is to pin down. I even have a few friends who might join me on my travels. Still I sit here a bit too nervous to actually make it happen, waiting for the cosmos to send a travel itinerary my way.

Parasailing

While in Puerto Vallarta I went parasailing for the first time. The experience was extremely serene and peaceful as I sailed above the ocean overlooking the city. It so was awesome that I immediately wanted to do it again, but ultimately decided to save it for another time and another setting. Below are two photos and two movies of the experience (I couldn't figure out how to rotate *and* compress the 2nd video so you get to look at it sideways).

Zipline Adventures

While in Puerto Vallarta Mike and I went on a canopy zip line tour in the jungle canopy and across a huge river ravine. It was an amazing tour with 14 zip lines totaling 2 miles. The most exciting line was 400 meters long and 160 meters high.

There was a videographer who went tandem with each person on the tour. Here's Mike flying through the air with the video guy.

On my tandem trip across a ravine I got a photo of the videographer in mid flight then of the river below.

Our last zip line was two cables side by side. I snapped this photo of Mike as I zipped along beside him.

It was an amazing tour. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Muddy Remembrances

I'm back from Puerto Vallarta and settling back into everyday life. I have a few photos and stories from the trip which I'll be sharing as I get to them. This past Saturday was the five year anniversary of Melissa's death. In her honor I went on a dune buggy tour through the hills of Puerto Vallarta. The trip wasn't the wild off-roading adventure Melissa would have loved or for which I was hoping. Still, I know that Melissa would have been laughing her ass off at the sight of me covered head to toe in mud and the fact that I had to walk back through town passing many bemused locals before I could shower off.

Vallarta Beginnings

I'm sitting in Puerto Vallarta stewing in the heat and humidity. Besides having some challenges finding food and/or a taxi the first 24 hours here, I'd say we're doing pretty well.
While the bed and furniture isn't the very comfy, the condo we're renting is beautiful and we're enjoying it. There are some amazing restaurants here. Last night we ate at Barcelona Tapas which was one of the best meals, best service and best atmosphere I've experienced anywhere. Beyond that we've done some poking around Zona Romantica, along the Malecon, done some shopping and enjoyed the cheap margaritas. Some might think I'm pathetic to be spending 20 minutes in an internet cafe. I'm going on the assumption that I'm being considerate to my loyal fans.

Birthday Bash to Remember

Mike's party was a huge success. All the elements came together beautifully and we pulled off a party involving nearly 80 people, a hosted bar, dj music, hors d'oeuvres passed by wood nymphs, a buffet table creatively displaying all sorts of fresh produce, breads and cheeses, a fire dancer, a drag queen performance, amazing dessert and a dvd created especially for the birthday boy. It was really a mesmerizing event and I couldn't have asked for it to come together better. We're all still over-the-top exhausted, but it was worth it all. It'll be a party we'll be talking about for a long time to come. I didn't get but one blurry photo of the actual party since Michael and I were busy keeping the party running. I did, however, get some photos of the decorations and the dual garden setting. (Click the yellow "View Slideshow" button to see all the pictures.)

Family Values

Today I'm heading with Lou to see the Family Values Tour down in Mountain View (almost an hour south of SF). The event is not nearly as morally upstanding and "2.5 children" as it might sound. It's a day-long string of concerts featuring Korn, Evanescence, Flyleaf and a bunch of other alternative/hardcore bands in an outdoor amphitheater. Should be fun. Now where's my sunscreen?

Demi-Century Greetings

In a week and a half Michael, Mike and I are throwing the birthday party of the demi-century. Two lush adjoining gardens, tie-dyed canopy sashes, enough candles to light a small city, well hung lanterns, strings of lights, secret seating areas, a hosted bar, DJ'd music, lots of food, party favors and tons of friends and family. There will also be a few special "enchantments" throughout the evening (in other words, surprises which the birthday boy can't know about until they actually happen, so stop willing me to slip up and tell you!). We have a few minor things still to work out like - I don't know - food for 60+ people, but overall I'd say it's coming together grandly. It's been fun to plan and hopefully it'll be even more fun to experience. Wanna come?

I Dyed

I spent all weekend dyeing. The whole dyeing routine took several weeks to complete. It was a long, painful and messy process, but I've successfully dyed and am happy with the results. I dyed in shades of turquoise, bright green, goldenrod, raspberry, midnight blue and blood orange (I dyed very colorfully). Once my dyeing is hung for all to see, I'll post pics. Meanwhile, you'll have to imagine my dyeing and think happy thoughts.

365 Days of Fun

Even before Valette arrived it was pretty obvious to me that she was not coming to see me, but rather get in her year's worth of fun and adventure before returning to Alaska. My role was to help her facilitate packing 365 days worth of fun into a 5 day period tied with a pretty gold bow. I'd say we did a pretty good job.

Valette's visit in 50 words or less:
Marathon, cram-it-all-in days of touristy fun including screaming and swearing at high velocities, sand in my shorts, driving for miles to see an aquatic lobby, eccentricity architectualized, endless maze of shopping, big hats, fattening treats and overall exhaustion.

Forced Fun

I'm doing pretty well after Thursday's 'nothing to report.' <insert dance of a thousand joys here> Adding to that good news: my annoying little sister is coming for a visit today. She's forcing me to see all these shows and go on all these rides and hang out with her and laugh and have fun and shit. What a bore that will be. At least she's bringing along her boyfriend to keep it interesting.

Nothing At All

It's tough to know what to blog about when what's going on in my life really isn't blog material. Not that it's not interesting and gossip-inducing or anything, but it's just not the sort of thing you schlep out there for the whole world (all 3 of you) to read.

I mean, it's not like I had a "minor" surgery a few months ago followed by a less than minor - and quite unsuccessful - recovery period which has spiraled me into having another minor procedure later this afternoon. And it's not like there's been minor blood and pain for over 4 months now or like I'm freaking about more poking and prodding today. I mean, if it were something that annoying, gruesome and long-lasting I definitely would have told you before now, right? Right? <cough>

So, yeah. I don't really have anything to blog about. Carry on.

Sound the Retreat

I'm back from my grueling 5 days of cushy gay boy camping. I got lots of sun and a relaxing time away with Michael and Mike. The nearly 13,000 bears who overtook the tiny town of Guerneville for the week was overwhelming to put it mildly and as such I didn't spend nearly as much time at the pool parties, bonfires or dances as I would have liked. Fortunately our camp was quiet and relaxing which made for a great retreat from the chaos. All in all, it turned out to be a great time away though crawling into a real bed last night made me fall in love with mattresses all over again.

Rufie Darling

I was offered a free ticket to see Rufus Wainwright in concert tomorrow night. I turned it down. A lot of my friends would think I'm insane. I prefer to think of it as intellectually challenged.

Hardship

This Wednesday through Sunday I will be camping in Guerneville for Lazy Bear Weekend. This is the same bearish event I attended last year. This year I'm roughing it with Michael and Mike to explore all the crazy fun this resort-like vacation has to offer. While it's not camping of the homeland variety it will involve a distinct lack of hair dryers or the regular spa treatments. This will be the longest trip the three of us have taken together. Fortunately we're bringing the traveling condo so if we get on each other's nerves we can each retreat to our own separate wings of the tent for a little peace and quiet. Meanwhile we'll try to find someway to get by with the meager king size inflatable mattress with feather comforter, table & chairs, vanity station and gourmet camping food. This gay camping thing is hard work.

Sesame Street It Ain't

Tonight's plans are brought to you by the letter D and by the number 3. Dinner, drinks and dancing by Michael, Mike and Damon. We're going to hunt out some new dinner spot then hit our "secret" lesbian bar before joining the hairy masses (double entree fully intended) on the dance floor at Bearracuda. Come and join us!

To Finance or Not to Finance?

My supervisor/friend who got me into this accounting position has starting giving me lots of tips for how I can have a long and successful career in the world of finance. That's really cool and exciting and shit. The only snag is: do I *want* a long and successful career in finance? This shift from grunt newspaper graphic designer or occasional piano teacher/music director has been a very welcome boost to my personal finances and has allowed me to enjoy life in the big city, but is it something I want to invest into for the long term? Hm. It definitely lacks in the glamor department not to mention the artistic fulfillment department. If I can stave off the boredom (and accountant social stigma) continuing in accounting would indeed be a smart decision for my personal finances. The company I'm at has programs to assist with schooling/training, but maybe I should get some sense of how long I expect to be in this field before I jump into pursuing another degree or getting my decoder ring from Accounting Geeks Anonymous. Anyone have a lucky 8 ball or pocket psychic to help me decide?

Flaming

Friday night I went to the Fire Art Festival and was in pyro heaven. Flames bursting, roaring, twisting and exploding at every turn.

The giant flaming serpent had buttons along it's body so all us pyro-wanna-bes could make various segments of the body roar with flame. In fact, they had interactive fire play throughout the entire festival. There were zen sand gardens simmering with fire which danced and played under your rake and bongos which triggered bursts of flame as you played. They even had a large screen version of Dance Dance Revolution where you wear a fire suit and flames are shot into your protected face every time you make a mistake. If there were willing to set me completely on fire, I would have done it, but the flame throwers didn't even seem to be working all that well so I moved on to more interesting things.

They had a Beverly Hillbillies type contraptions in which flames shot through pipes to play various musical sounds. They also have flames roaring up the center of a block of ice shaping a glass (or metal?) pot that was suspended inside. That's just cool shit.

The rather abstract photo above is a link to a rather abstract video of Michael and I raking the firey sand in a tiny zen garden.

Rebuilding Trust

I didn't mean to do it. It's not like I set out to hurt you. I was trying to give you the sustenance you wanted and the taste your craved. How was I to know that pizza was laced with ick and would induce chunky convulsions of utmost horror? Can you ever forgive me? And can you get over it quickly? I was kinda hoping we could have some of the ice cream that's in the work freezer...

Hippie Love

"Free thinking is good as long as there is indoor plumbing."

Talkative

After a productive week for personal projects and feeling nicely domestic in my place, I'm feeling all social and chipper today. While I normally do my work without much socialization, today I'm all, "Hi, I'm Damon. What's your name? Let's be friends." I talked with three female co-workers about bra fitting locations for sizeable breastules. I boldly asked a male co-worker about his poly-relationship. I chit-chatted with the pint-sized temp who is always smiling and asked her how you pronounce Uyen (when). I made small talk with the CFO in the kitchen and just kept socializing my way through the day. Fortunately the day is just about over because I'm starting to feel the temptation to start talking to the plastic plants in the lobby.

Driven to Cook

Monday night the power was out at my apartment for over an hour. What was I to do without the internets to keep me company or a dvd to distract me from the darkened gloom? I actually resorted to dusting and cleaning up the kitchen. I know. Ghastly.

In cleaning up I discovered a bunch of favorite recipes that had been hidden away for the last year. While I have been cooking when at Michael and Mike's, I think I may have cooked twice in my SF apartment. I have however, mastered the art of heating up frozen meals and finding fun new restaurants to try.

Last night I made tasty Taco Soup. Tonight I'm making Stuffed Hamburger Cabbage Buns for my men in my very own kitchen. We'll see if the world ends or something because I'm actually doing a bit of cooking. But never fear. I'm sure this new addiction to cooking won't last. I'm way too addicted to things like chatting, digital art projects and flirting with the men in my neighborhood to waste my time being healthy.

Queers Converge

So it's gay Pride this weekend. This'll be my first Pride event anywhere and I'll be experiencing it at homo ground zero: San Francisco. Anyone wanna take bets on how long it takes before Damon passes out from all the queentosterone and butchtrogen that will be overtaking the city?

Splish-Splash

There once was a wave. This wave consumed a man crouching on a beach. A cameraman captured this event seconds before becoming engulfed in the wave himself. Now the only thing the camera will say to the forlorn cameraman is "Err 99." Now he must reply upon the Canon gods to heal his broken camera and return it to him whole once again.

That's So Not Me

Brood (n) <'brüd>: to meditate with morbid persistence

Smelly Reputation

I love me some essential oils aromatherapy crap. I have various concoctions like "immune support," "meditative mood," "joy," and "anxiety release" which I sprinkle around my cubicle each day to try to find a zen space in the midst of my 10 hr work days. The scents of my addiction are starting to draw more and more people who come to my desk just to take in a few whiffs of tranquility before continuing on with their day. So evidently I'm now in charge of accounts payable as well as providing an herbal spa service for the entire company. The seaweed wrap is at 3pm, bring your own towel.

Associations

On Sunday I sat in the audience for a dance recital for a 5 year old girl while entertaining her baby sister. I was wondering why I have so quickly become connected to these two little girls (and their moms) when I remembered how much I enjoyed helping my mom take care of my two sisters as they grew up. As I sat watching the one dance her heart out and holding the other in my lap I remembered those early years with my sisters. I kissed the baby girl on the head and I cried tears of joy as I thanked God for the years I had with Melissa.

What'd You Do This Weekend?

Cushy camping, sunbathing, friends, new drink concoctions, birthday celebrations, baby unicorn dancers in recital, playing uncle Damon, chocolate dipped waffle cones, lots of time with one of my bfs and the return of the other who was away far too long. These are some of the things that make for an utterly delightful weekend.

The Topsy Turvy Bus

Anyone wanna get me one of these for Christmas?

Mer-Queens

Yesterday 5 adult-ish people sat around brainstorming all kinds of fabulous ideas for a little girl's birthday while she found catching lady bugs much more fascinating than all that boring planning.

The mermaid theme will be at a pool with sea-like decorations, a little mermaid cake, and oceanic party favors. In a grand display the sea king will give a speech about the treasures locked away in the chest at the bottom of the pool then dive in to open the chest allowing these goody-filled bags to float to the surface for each child present. Once the pool fun is complete two mer-men will carry the 5 year old guest of honor on her throne through the pool and up to the cake to blow out her candles. Sounds pretty fun huh? I'd enjoy it if I were a 5 year old. Heck, I'd enjoy it if I were a 35 year old.

Yesterday 3 grown men ran around the party store squealing with glee as we grabbed all the pink, princessy, mermaidesque, sea-like accessories for the affair. I'm nearly positive that we're all having more fun with this than any the kids will. In fact, I'm probably looking forward to the event more than the soon-to-be 5 year old, but she can just bite me cuz this is (evidently) my mermaid party too. Now where's my tiara?

<cough> More Gummy Bears Please <cough>

Ok, so I "haven't been feeling well" for the last week. I finally made it back to work for a full day yesterday. It seems like I should say that it feels good to not be home-bound, but since it was Mike and Michael's home I was bound to, it was actually pretty darned nice. Now I'm back to an independent existence and have to remind myself that I can no longer just snap my fingers and have gummy bears brought to me while I absorb myself in a comic book. Ah well. I figure I can only pretend to be sick for so long...

Wicked Mother Nature

Mother Nature obviously has a sadistic streak. Yesterday was hot, sunny and "must wear shorts" weather. So when staying the night at Mike and Michael's I, of course, only packed shorts. Enter Mother Nature and her wicked sense of humor. Today it's bitter cold and cloudy. In fact, I think I might have even seen a few snow flakes. If I can find Mother Nature today... I'm so gonna kick her ass.

Pain In the Ass

I've been out of work this week not feeling well and as such have been watching lots of movies. For the record, Pan's Labrynth is NOT a sweet children's fairy tale. It was good, but I was so not in the right frame of mind to watch that film. V for Vendetta is still an awesome movie. Epic Movie was only mildly amusing, while Music and Lyrics was quite enjoyable. Lady in Water kicked ass and is one I want to see again. Happily N'Ever After just kinda left me wondering why I'd wasted my time while The Ultimate Avengers II and Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo fed my superhero itch. So movies, Mike, Michael and two pounds of gummy bears have gotten me through that last few days. Tomorrow I actually have to go back to work before my 4 day weekend. What a rough, rough existence I live.

Feeling Right At Home

Tomorrow Mike, Michael, Ron, Reiner and I are taking a wild, fun-filled road trip to none other than the illustrious Bakersfield, CA. Now, if you're from my home town that's akin to driving to Anchor Point for a fun-filled weekend (for those of you unfamiliar with that area cringing, gasping, fainting, vomiting or general looks of horror would be acceptable responses). Bakersfield even has a shoe repair store in the shape of a shoe. Hyuck, hyuck. That's soooooo funny. OMG. Heh, heh... (grrrr).

So, um, why exactly are we packing a car with five full grown men (some of whom never got the "time to stop growing" memo) to drive for 3+ hours to white trash central? Well, I'm glad you asked. It's all about the company we keep and the fact that we get to go hang out with the ever entertaining Mike's mom (known to the world at large as "Pat"). She's a riot and the car packed with our own version of the Fab Five should prove for some rather interesting antics all by itself. I'm pretty sure they have huge banners hanging across the streets of Bakersfield right now boldly warning "The Queers are Coming! The Queers are Coming!" Children will be running for cover, frightened tears streaming down their precious little faces. Little old ladies will be pulling out their pepper spray and muttering something about how you can't even find a regular cup of coffee anymore because of those crazy city folk and their highfalutin ideas. And men who - at some time or another - heard of the concept of bathing, will be practicing their canned "some of my best friends are gay" speech.

So we're staying the entire weekend in the glorious city of Bakersfield, but fear not. I'm taking my anti-hick spray with me and plan on using it in liberal doses.

Coping Mechanism

Chocolate and sex. Can you think of a better way to cope on a bluesy day? I think not.

Out and About

Well, there's nothing like your friend and former pastor reading your all-gay, all-the-time online journal. Pay no attention to the naked men or mention of boyfriends or distinct lack of girlfriends. heh Um, hi friend and former pastor. Good to have ya here. *twitch*

Shroud of Darkness

Ping-Pong: "Can I take the shroud of darkness out for awhile? I'll take good care of it, I promise."

Keeper of the Shadow: "You know what happened last time you borrowed the shroud..."

Ping-Pong: "I know, but Meeko's hair has grown back since then."

This Is the Life

There's nothing quite like hacking heads out of photos and bastardizing classic book covers to make for a fun-filled evening. Even better: have your boyfriend sit next to you and impress him with your mad Photoshop skillz while doing it.

Make It Stop

It was another action-packed weekend for me. From being butch with a hammer to buying a sewing machine to make my own drapes, it was a weekend of diversity and fun. Michael, Mike and I constructed, shopped, danced, watched videos and gardened. The weekend was rounded out with a nude pool party packed full of the exact type of people that you hope to never see at that sort of event. You can't even imagine the horrific nightmares I had last night.

Gayly Roughing It

The Mikes and I are planning do some camping trips this summer so we decided to buy a tent. Otherwise known as a thin walled condo. Not only are each of the two separate rooms large enough to practice my acrobatic circus routine (I'm hoping to join Fredina on the road), but the bay windows, gear loft, remote controlled light, cup holders and many other features make me wonder why I even bothered with renting an apartment. I think we'll use the east wing for dinner parties and put the pool in the north wing. Of course we still have to decide whether the hired help will enter through the front door or the back.

Rubbing It In

My day was planned with ever important errands all over town: buying clothes, checking out art galleries, going to new book stores, etc. In the end, I just napped most of the day. These days off are becoming quite the chore.

Triplets

Um, this whole regular three day weekend thing? Yeah. It kicks ass. Tomorrow I have a schedule choke full of goofing off and doing whatever the hell I please. It'll be rough, but somehow I'll make it through.

Google Tells All

I'm sitting at work, where they track computer usage to make sure you're not making bombs or ogling boobies on the clock. I had this crazy notion to see if Fredina did indeed have a website so I punched in a Google search for "pygmy transsexual yodeling dominatrix" when suddenly I realized that the IT guys at work might be able to see what I'm searching for. As evidence to the depth of my depravity, imagining them trying to make sense of that search amused me to no end. By the way, Fredina apparently is too cool for the web. While another Fredina does have a myspace, *my* Fredina continues to exist only in the circus world (and in my warped little blog).

Fredina

I don't intentionally create situations to freak my family out. Really and truly I don't. Yet I'm sure it seems that I'm on some quest to trump my last freaky venture just to test my family's love and tolerance (which has proven amazingly strong thus far).

I've always done the artistic, metro-sexual and "stick me with needles cuz that's the best way to healthy living" thing which already makes the family's "ain't that special" radar buzz and hum. I got a divorce going against the strict morals of my upbringing. Then I gleefully declared my membership to the Clan of the Gay and moved thousands of miles away to pursue a relationship with another member of that same clan. Now I'm dating not one, but two men in some outrageous triadic concoction of freaky bliss. Through it all, my family has done a wonderful job of just shrugging their shoulders and loving me anyway.

My sister is loving how much I'm aggressively charging through family norms because she says that in comparison to me she can do no wrong. Glad I could help ya out sis.

For my next feat I think I'll open up a body piercing studio with Fredina, the pygmy transsexual yodeling dominatrix who I met at that circus side show in Berkeley. Hi Fredina. Hope you're doing well.

Birthday Follow Up

The birthday weekend of celebratory bliss turned out, well, blissful. The "pathetically white rap duo" sure does know how to celebrate. We rented a house in Sea Ranch with tons of windows revealing the ocean and the amazing weather we had for the weekend. We perused an amazing photography gallery, visited with a resident artist, walked on the beach, took photos, took naps, soaked in the hot tub, watched movies and had ourselves a relaxing time. My gymnastic vault into bed was a big hit as were Michael's Freudian slips during my birthday dinner out. The weekend also involved alfredo sauce, tattoo pens, crazy cat ladies, Nutella, candy covered red peppers, and a lizard that turns red in the sun (no, not *that* kind of lizard). All-in-all, the weekend was great. You should be jealous.

Who Wants to Spank Me?

On Sunday it'll be 35 years since I tore myself from my mother's womb kicking and screaming. Poor mom, what'd she do to deserve that? Well, to celebrate this grand occasion I'm kicking up my heels up at Sea Ranch with The Mikes (kinda sounds like a pathetically white rap duo, doesn't it?). Oh wait, I forgot that I'm not supposed to know where we're going... I meant to say I'm going away to a yet to be disclosed destination of birthday bliss. Four days away from work, laundry and commute traffic. That'll be nice, but even better: four days that are all about me. While it's true that every day is already about me, this will be like extra special days about me where I can demand umbrella clad fruity cocktails, therapeutic herbal sea weed wraps and little chocolate shavings on my raspberry chocolate mousse. Of course, it'll be just my luck that "the pathetically white rap duo" will read this before we leave tomorrow and decide to cancel the whole thing. I was just kidding guys. Jeez. I can live without the chocolate shavings.

Silly Doctor

Doctor: "You probably have bronchitis."

Me: "But I gargled with vinegar and cayenne pepper."

Doctor: ...

Me: "It's the miracle cure."

Doctor: "I can't do anything for your bronchitis. It'll just have to run it's course."

Me: "But, see, I can't have bronchitis cuz I took the miracle cure."

Doctor: "Here's the number for a psychiatrist. I'll warn her that you're on your way."

Dear John

Extra Income, you were good while I had you in my life, but we've grown apart. I just don't feel the spark for you I once felt. I took on a second job so I could have you in my life, but now I'm taking this side job and increasing those hours to make it my one - and only - income. I know that we'd hoped to stay together in our two job existence for a long time, but I need something else. Extra Income, it's time for me to move on. I hope you understand. I want to thank you for bringing me a new job that has half the commute, pays more and has been much more interesting/challenging. Extra Income, I value the time we had together and I hope you find a money whore who can treat you with the respect you deserve.

All my love,
Damon

Getting Better, I Reckon

Some of you will know how, um, alternative I like to be with remedies when I'm sick. And by "alternative" I of course mean certifiably insane. It's true that I sometimes take showers alternating scalding hot with freezing cold water (i.e. hydro therapy) to try and jump-start my immune system. It's also true that I drink herbal sludge concoctions steeped in alcohol (i.e. tinctures) to kick a cold. And I've even been known to pay people to turn my back into one gigantic hickey (i.e. cupping) to find pain relief. So my latest delve into insanity should come as no surprise.

Imagine a bubbling brew of water, apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, salt and tons of honey. Then imagine putting that spicy sour brew in your mouth and gargling. Next imagine spewing said brew all over your bathroom mirror because it's so amazingly awful.

While that scenario alone is enough to buy anyone a ticket to the funny farm, do you think that someone who repeats this scenario numerous times might be a danger to society at large? I have no idea of this Cajun-esque brew will actually kill what I think may be strep throat, but it sure makes for some good blogging.

Adventure-R-Us

My current life theme is experience. If you called me up and said, "Wanna go paragliding off the top of the Golden Gate Bridge?" I'd be your friend for life (or at least until we plunged into the bay screaming like little girls). If you say, "Let's go check out some funky new art gallery three hours north of the city," I'd be at your doorstep by 8am, travel cooler fully stocked.

The snag with this fun little life theme is that my schedule quickly gets filled up with my adventures and I go weeks without seeing friends that I enjoy just hanging out with. So, sorry friends-I-enjoy-just-hanging-out-with. I haven't forgotten you and I plan to write, really I do. But it's hard to write when you're bungy jumping into the heart of a volcano from a moving helicopter. You understand, right?

Double-Wide Road Yacht

This morning I drove Mike and Michael's Intrepid (i.e. the double-wide road yacht) to work. I side-swiped my way down the traffic-laden highways leaving a trail of Mini's and other lesser vehicles behind. As I commanded the road with the ease of a tractor trailer driving down a bobsled chute, I realized just how perfect my tiny Honda Civic is for life in the bay area.

By All Means

While riding in a car on a busy bridge surrounded by numerous other metal machines of rapidly imending death, there are 11 words you never want to hear from the driver: "I need to just close my eyes for a little bit."

I Can't Even Whore Myself Properly

No one told me that to be a successful money whore my life had to be all about work. Suddenly I'm thinking: not so much. I'll take back some of those high paying hours and get myself some rest, some fun and some social time, thank you very much.

Sanity Comes From Within

I am completely sane. Or at least that's what the voices in my head keep telling me.

Think Smart Thoughts

When you're dumber than a box of rocks there's nowhere to go but up.

Learning to Love Oneself

The ultimate in narcissism is walking around a place checking out the guys, coming around a corner and thinking "I'd do him" before suddenly realizing you're looking into a mirror.

Does it make it any better that the lighting was really, really low? Like almost pitch black. And, um, foggy. And the mirror was dirty. Yeah, dirty...

Did I mention it was dark?

And They Flew

"Come to the edge, He said. They said, We are afraid. Come to the edge, He said. They came. He pushed them... and they flew."
- Guillaume Apollinaire

Ice Fog Kills

It's been beautiful weather here. Sunny and warm. I'm recalling the month of February when I used to live in Fairbanks. I'm recalling 30 below temperatures and ice fog. I recall such things, think about my present circumstances... and cackled uncontrollably.

All Play and No Work

Today I only work one job. I don't even teach the 2 piano students that I'd normal teach on Thursday nights. I'm taking Friday off and have Monday off for the holiday. I'll be home by 4pm today and then free till Tuesday. Not only that but it's a bear filled weekend for me filled with dancing, flirting, groping and more dancing. I'm sitting here like a kid waiting for Christmas to start. Now who's package am I going to unwrap first?

I'll Take Peace However I Can Get It

"So, I'm likely still heading down the road to disaster but at least I feel a peaceful sense of delusion about it all."

10,080 Minutes

I made it through almost an entire week of "I'm fine and empowered and shit" before the oh so fun "damn what's good for my emotional health, I don't want to live without them" whining kicked in. That's almost an entire week people. And people say I'm too emotionally wishy-washy. Pffft.

Thrash Till You Crash

So, um, the problem with having mostly older gay male friends: they like older gay male stuff. You know like elaborate musicals, political satire, the color pink... and 34 year old Alaskan "boys" (at least they have a *little* taste). They also seem to like Bette Midler, Judy Garland and the great jazz classics from the 20s and 30s. That's all fine and good and high cultured and crap, but sometimes, just sometimes, a guy might want something a little more fun and recklessly youthful. Of course when "a guy" decides he's going to find just that... he ends up going by himself. *sigh* Here's hoping I find some great new thrash buddies at the concert tonight.

Pace Yourself Young One

Well, I guess my greedy ways have served me well since I made it through my long day yesterday with flying colors (and even worked an extra hour at the 2nd job). Today, I have the same schedule. These long days will only be twice a week so I think I can sustain for the month or so that I'll be doing it.

Captain Moolah

Today is the day I discover if I'm really the money whore I aspire to be: 8 hrs at my regular job then 4 hours at this side consulting job.

Will our hero find the beloved money motivation to make it through the day? Tune in next time to find out.

Love Lost

With deep love comes the potential for deep pain. Intense joy carries with it the possibility for intense sorrow. Do I choose to avoid the fullest depth of love for fear of it's counterpart? I hope I never get to the place where I stop allowing myself to fully and richly experience life, love and relationships. I'm thankful for the love I felt. I'm thankful for the joy it brought. I am moved to great depths of sorrow that those things can no longer be realized. I look forward to the next opportunity I have to experience them again. If you're reading this... I will love you always.

Feed My Starving Ego

I started my consulting job today. Damn are they in desperate need of help. Like my out of control savior complex needs any more bolstering. They are only a month behind on all accounts payable, changing their entire accounting system (but don't even know how to print checks in the new system), and preparing for an audit next week. The fact that I get to sweep in, do some work, then leave again... kinda alleviates the stress issue. Oh, that, and them paying me ridiculous amounts of money to write stuff in my blog. *cough*

Money Whore

The new job is going well in spite of the blaring lack of micromanaging or supervisory drama so far (what's with that?). In addition to that income-oriented success, I'll be consulting around 20hrs/wk at another biotech for the next month helping with accounts payable making crazy amounts of money. Which, naturally, makes me crazy amounts of happy. I'll be putting in 50+ hour work weeks for a little while, but I think it'll be worth it. And... for some crazy reason I seem to have complete control how many hours I work at each place so not only will I be filthy rich, but I'll also have absolute power. My purpose on this earth is now complete. I might take a short break before heading off to my next conquest.

That's a Private Matter

The president at my new job, who speaks English as her second language, gleefully mixes her male and female pronouns when referring to her staff giving me the impression that everyone at my new job is transgendered. Just in case there's some special initiation ritual of which she neglected to inform me... I wore a steel jock to the office today.

Can't Stand Still

I'm off again tomorrow for another extended weekend trip. This time I'm going to the chilly Chicago area. Why? Cuz I've completely lost my mind. My friend Jim is cool and stuff, but the timing of the trip was dictated by a ticket credit that had to be used before next month. So... I get a good dose of winter in the midst of my California existence. The plan is to have some interesting sites, experiences and relaxation in between the moments of cursing Jim for living in such a cold place.

And in completely minor news... I just accepted a permanent position at another company. While it'll be tough to work without having my every move micromanaged and without the ever present knowledge that I'm not wanted... I'm find a way to make it through.

Now the Party Can Continue

I'm back from my weekend getaway with the Mikes. Wow, what a wonderful, relaxing 4 days away. Sea Ranch seems to be infused with some sort of relaxation magic because my overly A.D.D. self was able to kick back and enjoy the slow pace of the weekend watching movies, sleeping, soaking in the hot tub, walking on the beach, taking photos, seeing some amazing art galleries and exploring more of northern California. All this was greatly facilitated by the rental of a extremely comfortable and spacious house secluded in the trees with a view of the ocean. Ooh, and I had my own bedroom suite complete with a dual-headed shower. I was so in love with that shower. In fact I think I'm going to install a few dozen shower heads in my current shower room. I'll just stand in the middle and push the "tidal wave" button. After a few days of absence my friends will find me firmly flattened into the tiles on the floor with a huge ass grin on my face.

Sea Ranch

I'm off to Sea Ranch this morning for a 4 day getaway. Since I've not been there before I'll wait till I get back to tell you it's a hippee-like, planned community on the coast of northern California with art galleries, smurf churches and lots of that beautiful nature crap. It'll be all relaxing and shit. So basically I'll just be tolerating the next few days until I can get back to work stress, city traffic and my obligations to my adoring fans. Pity me.

Oh You Shouldn't Have!

Regarding the woman who doesn't want me here at work...

Mike: Leave the negative thoughts to me. I am sending her a bad karma bouquet.

I'll Visit Someday, Really

Jack: So no trips to Alaska planned?

Me: Nope. I'm still too enamored with this whole *not Alaska* thing that is the rest of the world.

Happy New Year

2007 will be arriving any moment and I haven't even prepared the guest room. I guess it'll be sleeping on the floor again.

Here's Your Thought, I Didn't Have Time to Wrap It

Ho, ho, ho... jingle, jingle... and other, more intellectual, holiday sentiments. What a great Christmas season it's been for me. My move to SF has been a tremendous gift to myself as has the opportunity to spend so much time with my friends in the area (and I even have a few friends who aren't named Mike or some variation thereof). Another great thing about the move is that it distracted me from whatever holiday stress may normally come this time of year. Of course, the fact that I decided to buy absolutely no presents whatsoever might also have played into the low stress holiday. And... no Christmas cards or nothing. So, I think I've discovered the key to holiday bliss: dis' all your friends, blow off your family and make it all about you!!! *cough* So, um, yeah. If it's the thought that counts, consider yourself thought about. If it's the actually present that counts... you're out of luck. Merry Christmas.

City Induced Stupor

Since my move to San Francisco I've been all distracted like with all the blinky lights, gasps of excitement and smelly homeless that make up this wonderful city. I occassionally have this sense that in my not too distant past there was this thing called my blogging audience. They are but a vague memory. I'm quite sure some sort of apology and promise to change my ways is in order, but... I can't seem to find the time what with all the holiday parties, tasty eateries, queer concerts, furry dancing and general uproarous excitment that is my life.

Sold Out to the Man

So, in a purely hypothetical pondering, would you disown me if I were sitting at work listening to Launchcast's Pop Christmas station and bobbing my head to Hilary Duff's Last Christmas? Not that I'm doing that mind you. I was just wondering.

My To-Do List

For most of my life, but even more potently in the last 5-10 years, I've been itching to experience life in a big city, to be immersed in culture, opportunities, restaurants and entertainment. I've always nurtured this burning question: what would it be like to live in a big city? For many years I've set that question aside to pursue other priorities and truthfully wondered if I'd ever get to answer it. The day I moved into my San Francisco apartment was the day. It was the day I finally reached that goal. The day I began to answer that long lingering question. Tears welled up and excitement bubbled over. December 7, 2006 was the starting day of the chapter of my life I'd been anticipating and hoping for. Each day since has been an added affirmation of having arrived at this goal. I feel very at home and comfortable in my new city/neighborhood/apartment and with the friends I have here. City life may not turn out to be my ultimate life's happiness, but now have the chance to find out just what it's like.

The Kid Stuck Between

I've worked three days at my new temp-to-hire job. Day 1 involved the lovely interrogation routine with the micromanaging control freak (aka "Mother") who is supposed to be letting go of A/P duties and who made it clear that she doesn't think I'm the right person for the job. This, of course, led to the continual disagreements between she and my supervisor (aka "Father") about who should actually be supervising me and how things should be run. Day 2 was spent actually learning my job and getting comfortable with it. Day 3 so far has been spent getting more into the details of everything with a fellow employee who has been a great support. Of course, Mother called a meeting with Father to "discuss A/P." I'm currently huddled in my cubicle waiting for the aftermath of that.

This is What Happens When You Don't Give Me Enough to Do

I started a temp position today which is expected to go permanent assuming they like me and I like them (and they pay me the big bucks that I have fantasized about). Its an accounts payable/purchasing position at a biotech company. They are newly split off of a larger company and still have so much to figure out. I showed up today and apparently don't yet have a computer, a desk or even a pass to get in the building. I'm currently riding on my visitor's pass and poking around all the accounts to pass the time while they find me something to do. Do you think they'd mind if I changed the account naming system from cold, unfeeling numbers to the happy, organic names of flowers and fungi instead?

You hired a temporary lab clinician? Code that under petunia hybrida. Office supplies? That'd be under scedosporium prolificans of course.

Those Are Some Big Shoes

I just got back from seeing The Wizard of Oz on the big screen. The Castro Theatre, which is beautiful, was playing it complete with live theatre organ prelude. The organ was surprisingly charming and fun in spite of my usual 'no organ' policy (insert lewd joke here). The whole experience was great fun. Next time you, the entire internet, should go with me.

City-fied

Its done. Thanks to Mike I got all my stuff moved yesterday. I'm even well on my way to getting things set up. Today I have two job interviews. Tomorrow I apparently need to date every guy in the city, or at least that's the indication I've gotten. Apparently once my online profiles changed to "San Francisco" some fresh meat beacon was sounded and everyone seems eager to get to know this cheeky Alaskan. Since "dating" in San Francisco often involves something akin to a dingy bathroom stall, I may just have to break a few hearts. Next big task for my life in the big city... try not to look like the country bumpkin I am. Cuz, you know. That's *totally* possible.

Celebrate Good Times... Come on

A day and a half left at work before I leave the glorious mecca called Tracy. To commemorate this grand transition I've decided to spend time exploring all the wonderful things that Tracy has to offer. After those 15 minutes are over I'll be surfing the web and picking my nose.

Answer Unclear, Try Again

I'm sitting at my place in San Francisco preparing for another intake with an employment agency while I consider an almost certain job offer for a part-time job that'll bring in more than I was making at my full-time job in Tracy (and this job would increase to full-time in the next couple months). Its A/P and purchasing so not my ideal field of work and its at least a 40 minute commute each way. Still... the level of income and the fact that I could have something right away is rather appealing. What to do, what to do? Where's my Magic 8 Ball when I need it?

Notice

I turned in two weeks notice at my job on Wednesday cuz I'm moving to the big city (San Francisco). After so many years of longing for city life I'm going to finally get my fill. I have an apartment in the Castro and will be doing temp work until something permanent comes through. There's a mix of anxiety, excitment and relief. Its the right thing for me right now and I glad to be making it happen.

Don't Cry for Me Argentina

People seem to be sad to hear about the adventures I've taken that haven't worked out the way I'd hoped. I'm sad too, but not sad to have taken the adventure. I don't get to dictate where these fun adventures lead me. I just get to decide to go for the ride or not. I'm glad I've taken the many rides I have in my life, particularly in the last few years.

I'm so thankful for the incredibly growing, sharing, laughing, crying years that Dana and I had. I'm thankful for the opportunity to know, love and learn from Curt. I'm thankful for my experiences and talents; for my family and the amazing amount of love and support they've shown me as I explore each new adventure (whether they understand them or not). I'm thankful for the great friends I've made here in California and the friends that have remained throughout the years.

All in all, I live a great and incredibly blessed life. Its not perfect and it certainly involves its share of loss, pain and sorrow. But its a good life and I'm thankful to be living it.

Thank Me For Looking Pretty

I'm heading to Alameda for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Mike and Michael are having a bunch of friends over for a feast-o-plenty. I still haven't decided what I'm going to bring. Do I make my favorite white trash Green Jello Salad? Do I try to whip up some fabulous appetizer? Or do I simply buy a bag of Ruffles and pull the "I'm a poor bachelor" card? I mean, isn't looking pretty contribution enough?!?

Reality Check

I've been playing piano for an upcoming musical. Its a fun show and a good cast. Still, rehearsals have been very difficult for me. With my as yet undiagnosed medical stuff all this piano playing brings a lot of pain, exhaustion and difficulty sleeping. Besides that, the muscle tightness and limited practice ability means I really just can't play the score very well. And this is all in spite of the fact that I'm on pain meds, muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatories, in physical therapy and essentially bathing in Ben Gay.

So I sit through rehearsal in significant pain, feeling like crap because I'm sucking at playing the score. Saturday I had to sit and play for 5 hours. I was near tears by the time I was finished and wasn't sure how I would make it through the rest of the show.

Before Sundays 5 hour rehearsal the music director was sitting and playing through some of the songs for the singers and playing much better than I could. I asked if it was too hopeful to think that he was going to take over the playing and put me out of my misery. That opened up a discussion about my pain issues (some of which he already knew). Essentially it led to him very generously letting me out of my obligation to play the show.

I left as they were starting rehearsal feeling a tremendous sense of relief. As the day wore on I also began to feel sadness. Sad that my condition is so bad that I can't get through a piano gig. Sad to lose the opportunity to play in this show. Sad that I wasn't able to follow through with my commitment. Still, the feeling of relief is there and even a hope that I might be able to get this condition under control now that I'm not aggrevating it with so much playing.

Made in Heaven

So if a friend tells me that a love interest is like the alcohol and I'm the alcoholic... that means its a perfect match right? Essential my friend's telling me "proceed with reckless abandon," right? Right?

Grow Babies Grow

I've been in physical therapy for about 3 weeks now to help with the myo-tendon-alga-lup-itis, or whatever the diagnosis of the day happens to say my shoulder/upperback pain is. I seem to be experiencing some benefit from it which is really encouraging. I'm really eager to see how I feel when I'm not playing as much piano as I am now for the this musical. And one rather nice side effect from all this physical therapy... muscles. Yep. I've grown myself a few baby muscles in my shoulders/arms. See those? No really... Look closer.

Belle of the Ball

Below are some of the characters that arrived at The Mikes' Halloween party Friday night starting with the star of the evening: moi (hey, its my blog and my own delusional little world). Mike was rather agile for being a cowboy who was too slow with the draw and Michael was very animated for being an undead, wraith-like, mummyesque thing (he and I were still concocting that costume as guests started arriving). After that we have Misty, the 6'5" estranged white-trash aunt/uncle the family tried to forget. And lastly we have the pilot/co-pilot duo: snakes on a plane.

Where's Pooky?

I've been hand sewing some fur pants for my halloween costume. They are coming out great. Of course, when one cuts furry fabric, one gets fur everywhere. My living room currently looks like the slaughter of a thousand puppies.

SynapticWaste.org

Welcome to the Synaptic Waste of the future: a blog without inordinately long urls or piggy back fame. A place where you can confidently navigate and, um, easily tell all your friends about. *cough* Cuz, you know, the url is easy now and its a really cool blog... and stuff.

So yeah... welcome.

Settling Up

Work's still kicking my ass. In spite of that, this past week I finished a logo design job, had a photoshoot, landed two new piano students, hung out with friends and started rehearsals for an upcoming musical. I'm not sure if I'm telling you this to impress you or to beg for your pity. How about you just send $300 and we'll call it even?

Blue Angels

Some photos from the Blue Angels Air Show two weekends ago:

Horned Up

In spite of some really great costume suggestions ranging from 80's activitist punk to 50's circus performer to Little Britain transvestite, Emily Howard, I'm going to dress as an S&M Satyr for Halloween. This is basically my Folsom attire with more fur, a cape and a completely different type of horniness.

Dress Me Pretty

I haven't really done the Halloween thing in my adult life. Odd, I know, but true. So, I'm thinking of going to a Halloween party and haven't a thing to wear.

I thought of going as Daffyd from Little Britain, but can't afford a fat suit besides the whole uber-gay attire might be a tad bit redundant.

So, internet, I'd like you to put your collective heads together and help me figure out what I should be for Halloween. The winning idea will receive something special. That's right, there'll be prizes for you doing my brainstorming work for me. And they'll be good prizes too. Yep. Like glittery ones and shit. So get cracking. We don't have much time here.

The Anally-Retentive Sleepless Man

Going to an air show in San Francisco... not really my thing, but the weather was great for it. Going with a friend of a friend who is suffering from insomnia plus hung over from every sleep drug known to man... priceless.

Atlantean

Below is one of the results of a recent photoshoot with my friend Shawn. Beneath me was the very slippery rock (a.k.a. The Damon Launcher) on which I gashed my hand when a particularly angry wave sent me soaring. And without further ado, here is me trying to maintain a serene expression while gallons of freezing cold salt water is being shot up my ass at high velocity.

Positive Energy: Here's Your Invitation

In spite of the fact that the job in San Francisco for which I was "a shoe in" has fallen through, I will not despair. Even though I will not be licking dollar bills of large denominations every night before I go to sleep, I will remain positive. And while I won't be moving into the big city in the coming weeks, I choose to find joy in the place I live.

And if that load of bull didn't convince you, here are a couple of Feng Shui inspired statements to invite positive energy into my life:

Life in Tracy offers fulfillment and peace.
I'm thankful for the present job I have and the flexibility that comes with it.
I will thrive with the friendships and career connections I've made in this area.
I will focus my energies on the things that bring fullfillment and further my artistic aspirations.
And I'll take sympathy donations of lickable 20, 50, and 100 dollar bills.

Pre-emptive Strike

Alright, I've finally sent home that annoying sister who plagued my week with interesting conversation, art galleries, roller coasters, sexy street fairs and lots of excuses to be out of work exploring San Francisco. <whew> What a relief to have that over with. And just so you know, I didn't leave my sister to fend for herself for over 3 hours at the big, bad San Francisco airport. Cuz, I'd never do that. And in spite of photographic evidence to the contrary, I did in fact wear clothing at the street fair. Lots and lots of clothing. Yep.

Come Over to the Dark Side

Wild, mad craziness. Yep. That's been Valette's visit so far. Jam packed fun filled with things like eating, talking for hours on end, shopping, sleeping and the obligatory heading to work while I leave my sister to fend for herself in the big city of Tracy.

This afternoon we head into San Francisco for more zany fun of the tourist, artistic, child-like, and sexual debauchery sort. My goal: taint what little innocence is left in her soul (and believe, there's not much left to taint).

I Knew That

Valette arrives tomorrow morning for a week of fun, mayhem and other such words to make you jealous of the outrageously good time we'll have. And I just want to point out that she doesn't arrive today, but tomorrow. Cuz, well, today is the 18th and tomorrow is the 19th. And she definitely doesn't arrive on the 18th, even though that's when she leaves. Just, because, you might have been confused. In completely and totally unrelated news... I have today off work and am putzing around San Francisco with nothing to do. Coffee anyone?

Dirty Boy

This guy has gone just a small step past "Wash me" on the back of dirty cars...

Wet Dreams

I spent a few hours at the beach yesterday. It wasn't sunny or overly warm, but it was so fun to play in the ocean. Sure, I got a minor flesh wound from being thrown from a slippery rock by a virtual tidal wave, but it was well worth the ocean therapy of the day. I'm eager to live closer to the sea once again. And... I think that may happen sooner rather than later. I'll keep you posted.

From a Professional Bitch

I rode on the back of a Harley
again today. And now that I've ridden "bitch" twice, I'm pretty sure that makes me a bonified expert. So I figured I'd give all you rookies a few tips for the road.

The first and most important rule: accessorize. Anything in leather would be appropriate. Denim also works well. On your third ride, I'd recommend leaving the fishnet t-shirt and faux-fur wrist bands at home.

And to help you know what to expect on your ride... once you come to a stop after riding at 60 miles an hours, it will feel like caterpillars are crawling all around your eyes. This, of course, is a well known fact amoung we biker bitches, but oddly unknown to the lesser mortals.

Finally, while the thought of straddling a large vibrating machine for extended periods sounds like a really appealing prospect, the whole numb ass syndrome doesn't quite live up to the hype.

Sizing Me Up

She wanted me. I could tell just by the way she looked at me. She even introduced me to the woman next door who seemed to want me as well. I was getting the impression that I was going to get involved in some intense team play. And she said the next time we meet, she wants to bring in more people from the building. This was starting to get more and more exciting. Hopefully when I've finished impressing them with my interfacing abilities, they'll actually offer me the position and all this interviewing will pay off.

Cabs Gone Wild

There really isn't anything like cramming five grown men into a cab. Nor is there anything like being the one who has to lay across the laps of three of those men so the cops don't pull us over for having more people than we had seat belts. And I thought my wild college days were behind me...

Gropeless in Seattle

Last night at an amazing dance event I think I discovered the solution to the whole groping issue. Rather than trying to unleash my aura of raw, sex appeal to a whole crowd of people, I need to Think Globally, Flirt Locally. This magical mantra should save me from many a gropeless night.

Like, Really?

Me: "When I visited San Diego, I really liked it, but the energy of the place just didn't draw me in...

"My accupuncturist said that I really needed to let go of the emotional baggage that is blocking my chi...

"And then, when I did my guided self-hypnosis, I was really able to travel back and help my younger self process the pain that came from those events..."

Michael: "... You're more Californian than anyone I know."

Size Queen

I spent the weekend in San Francisco again. I'm loving spending time in the big city. For some reason spending time in the little city just doesn't cut it for my ravenous social appetite these days. So now to find a way to pay for $1,000/mo double-wide cardboard box and I should be set for moving there.

It's All in the Drape

Yesterday I went to a thrift store and picked up some items that had interesting fabrics for me to use in photo shoots. $7.50 for 4 items of rick textures and colors. Sure some of them are curtains and what have you, but by the time I've draped a naked man across it, no one will even notice.

Living for the Weekends

It was so awesome to spend the weekend in San Francisco. In spite of the balmy 50° fog soaked weather, the city was lacking the workplace where firing people is like throwing darts on a dart board, making it practically heavenly.

Theory of Relativity

I tried out a new church in Tracy yesterday. They hold Sunday services at a local high school. After parking, I noticed there were no signs providing directions so I gravitated toward the door with the most people lingering about and from where the energetic music was coming. I was impressed to see so many youth involved in handing out orders of service and such. I was even more impressed to see a rock band set up on stage. Wow, maybe I actually found a progressive church right here in Tracy.

As the service begun I realized that there were very few adults in the room. I push away the nagging fears that I may indeed be the oldest person in the room. Whatever, the music was great and I was enjoying the service. About half way through one of the leaders made some comment about the "adults meeting down the hall" and suddenly my suspicions were confirmed: I'd stumbled into the land of pimples and merciless fashion rules. Rather than running from the room inciting comments like "wow, I didn't know the elderly could move so quickly," I decided to stay and continue enjoying the service. I enjoyed the sermon even more than the music and was pleased to have stayed.

Next time I'll try the adult service, but if they're too stuffy I may have to sneak my way back in with the youth. That is, assuming they haven't installed a geriatric detector after this recent incursion.

Lazy My Ass

I got back from Lazy Bear Weekend yesterday. For an event that had the word "lazy" in it, I sure did an awful lot of walking around. And, of course, all the sunning by the pool was simply exhausting, not to mention playing bingo with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, standing around a bonfire and all that dancing every night with legions of hot, sweaty men. Yeah, I know, it's always work, work, work with me.

Must Be Talking About Someone Else

Being a sucker for any sort of personality test, I decided to take the Global 3 advanced personality test this morning instead doing some actual work (ok, stop sniggering... I do work sometimes.. sorta). This test said that I worry too much, that I talk too much and that I obsess too much. I guess all personality tests can't be accurate...

Looking for Resort Ken

Wed night through Sunday I'll be in a retreat in Guerneville, CA (Lazy Bear). I'll be sleeping in a tent at night though don't think I've gone all butch or nothing (because I know that was your first thought). I'll be "camping" along with 179 other campers in the back lot of a hotel that's a few minutes from this small resort town. Btw, this back lot actually only technically holds 120 campers...

In packing for this grand adventure I had to put together my poolside outfit, my going out dancing outfit, my hiking outfit and, of course, my "I just threw this on, but don't I look hot?" outfit. Resort Barbie ain't got nothing on me.

Super Caterpillar from Outer Space?

I'd really like to know the specifics of last night's dream which prompted me to tear my sheets off the bed and wrap them around my body like a cocoon while I retreated to my love seat because it seemed like a "good place to hide." There will be a reward for any details leading to the apprehension of the aforementioned dream.

Riding the Hog

If you're my mother, I suggest you don't read this. If you're my sister, you may not want to read this either. In fact, if you are blood related to me or someone who doesn't like motorcycles or one of the few who simply don't realize that the world revolves around me... you might want to pretend this post never even existed.

Ok, now that no one is reading this:

I went for a ride on a Harley last night. I rode "bitch" while a friend handled all the complexities of clutch, steering, throttle and being a bug shield for me. It was actually my first time out on a motorcycle. We went down mostly back roads which gave me a chance to see a lot more of the areas around Tracy. I surprised myself by having a good time and not screaming like a girl the entire time. I think I might have even been so butch as to spit and scratch my nuts a few times on the road.

Some Words Which Get Me Hot

Digital SLR
8 megapixels
DIGIC II image processor
Wide Angle, Macro & Telephoto lenses

My new Canon EOS Rebel 350D is my new best friend.

Queerdom Squared

This past weekend I visited a friend in Anaheim who was attending a Gay Square Dancing Convention. He (and all his friends) spent the entire weekend trying to get me to join the holy order of the square dancing queers. To that end I did take an introductory class and reluctantly admit that it was indeed a lot of fun. Still, I will be canceling the local club membership, the t-shirt order, and the scheduled ritual sacrifice for which my friend signed me up. Sadly, that means I'll also be returning the free toaster oven.

Be Square

I drove down to LA on Saturday. The traffic was surprisingly wonderful so I guess I'll save my rehearsed road rage routine for the trip back. A friend took me out to a few places last night the best of which was MJ's, a dance bar. Awesome music, great dancing and a very nice lack of the twink brigade that you find at most dance venues.

Today I'm headed to Anaheim to hang out with a Baltimore friend (not you Jay, my other Baltimore friend) who'll be there for a convention. Notice the complete avoidance of the words "square dance"... afterall, I do have a reputation to maintain.

The Anti-Gay Agenda

I'm finally getting over a cold (which turned out to be strepp). It's been a week since I've had any energy. And worst of all is this darned sickness kept me out of what could have been on the gayest events of my life to date: Gay Pride in San Francisco. That's right. I didn't get to crowd with the masses to gawk at the Perpetual Sisters of Indulgence or the flocks of men in dresses or the hoards of overweight men without much of anything on at all or even the women who'll kick your ass as soon as look at you. And sadly no wild crazy dance parties with far too effeminate boys hardly old enough to make it in the bar. That's right. I missed all that queer goodness due to a little cold. Pity me.

Ready for My Close Up

Yours truely in the Balboa Park Botanical Building in San Diego.

I Don't Think We're in Kansas Anymore

At 5:30am it was 86°F. Any guesses how hot it will be at, say, 2pm?

Weekend Getaway

My first free weekend in quite some time and I went to San Diego. Yay me! In fact, I don't get back from SD until Monday night. It's been so amazing to get away and to explore a new part of the state. It's been just the refreshment and processing time that I needed.

Sugar Therapy

This musical is behind me and suddenly I find that all that lovely grieving which has been coming in fits and starts since I moved into my own place has turned into full seizures of blissful anxiety and depression. Today I actually started to calculate how many Subway chocolate chip cookies I could purchase with the money I got from the musical. Let's just say that in the end I decided that I simply wouldn't have a place to put those 8,604 cookies.

Give Me Liberty (or Give Me Death by Grande Soy Chai Tea with white chocolate)

I've finally kissed Kate goodbye for the last time. We had our final performance yesterday which went awesomely. There was tons of bonding with the cast on the final day which was great as well. Even more great... I got paid and am now rolling in virtual dough (virtual because it's naturally already been spent 10 times over). And maybe even better than virtual money is the fact that I have weekends free once more. This weekend's fun... exploring San Diego. In fact it'll be several weekends down the road until I actually don't have plans. Me thinks I was ever so slightly missing my personal time.

So now all I have to deal with is a full-time job, two part-time jobs and my ever budding social life. Perhaps I might even do something crazy like start getting full nights of sleep again. But then again, I don't want to go overboard with my new found freedom.

Self Therapy Moment #893

The snafu with being such a passionate, emotional son-of-a-gun is that I feel the pains as potently as I feel the joys. The losses move me as deeply as the exciting beginnings. But the intensity I feel in the throws of depression also translate into times of intense love, pleasure and hope. I don't regret moving down here and loving so deeply. I am honestly a better person thanks to this special person I moved to be with. Now I'll move into yet another chapter of my life and look for the blessings that brings. This isn't me trying to find some silver lining on a dank, dreary cloud, but an appreciation of what was gained in the midst of mourning what is lost.

This therapy moment was brought to you by the letter A and the number 352,461.

Weekend Fun

The final two performances of the show went well last weekend. That was a relief particularly since my former, former supervisor at the newspaper (they go through 'em like TP around here) came Saturday night.

After our Sunday matinee I drove into San Francisco where I hung out with a friend, chatted and watched a movie. The next day I went to the beach for awhile to get my ocean fix (because it's been far too long). It was awesome, although I got myself a hefty sunburn here so aloe and I are currently the best of friends.

Tomorrow I start up another weekend of performances. After that, just one more weekend until I'm a free man!

Another Opening

Opening night went pretty well and Saturday night's performance was even better. It's amazing what a little sleep will do to help a conductor be on the mark with things. Today I have a matinee and then a couple days off before we hit it again. Three more weekends to go and I'll be looking at this gig through my rear view mirror. I am really looking forward to that vantage point even though I really am having a good time with performances.

Here Without You

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
- 3 Doors Down

Kiss Him Already

Kiss Me Kate had it's first audience last night for our preview. It was sold out and the audience was very enthusiastic. The show had some glitches, but went pretty well for our first performance. We officially "open" the show on Friday. Meanwhile tonight I have my first night off in two weeks. You can't even being to understand what this means to me. <melodramatic tears>

Practically Freezing

It's 96°F today, but that's okay because it only feels like 94°F.

Didn't Make the Cut

Having to "let go" a pianist in between songs in rehearsal: not on my fun things to do list. Turning the pianist role over to an amazing player who's played musical theatre all of his life: leaps of joy abound.

I'm Not the Brightest Crayon in the Box

My facial hair has tons of different colored hairs in it: black, brown, blonde, very light blonde... Well, I've been noticing for the last couple weeks that there was some particularly light hairs in it, as if the light was hitting some blonde hairs just so. It took me those couple of weeks to actually register that they're gray hairs. I'm kind of excited to find my first gray hairs (odd, I know) and feel like I should commemorate this day or something. Of course, with how slow I was on the uptake, I may have had these things for years...

<Insert Rant Here>

So this is the part of the Kiss Me Kate gig where I should be bitching about 4+ hour rehearsals, wanton disorganization and actors not knowing their lines. We have a week and a half until opening night so things are crazy. There should be tons of stuff for me to post about all that crap, but I just can't say that I care enough to bitch. With my most recent life changes I'm in no emotional state to come up with a good rant. Shocking, I know. I'll see what I can do to get really, really pissed off about something so I can tell you about it, but no guarantees.

Well Deserved

Curt just landed his first professional acting gig!! It's a leading role in a musical in Los Angeles with a very reputable director. My boy's all growed up and out conquering the free world. <sniff> I'm so proud.

Too Darn Cool

Sunday night I had my first rehearsal with the orchestra for Kiss Me Kate. While some pieces screamed "we're all playing this for the first time" the majority of it went really well. The main romance song in the show was breathtaking and the sexy jazz number was out of this world. Very hot. I've got some great musicians to work with and am really stoked after hearing them play together. It's given me new energy to press on these last few weeks of rehearsal.

Snippet #437

"It's just more romantic or something to be a 'starving artist.' 'Marginally middle class artist' just doesn't have the same ring to it."

New Digs

I got moved into my new apartment this weekend and am really happy with it. The space is working much better than I had feared and it's very cute. I splurged on a really nice bed and it's amazing. In spite of my current stress and tendonitis pain, I'm getting some better sleep than I've gotten in awhile. This sleep investment is so going to pay off.

If you're in the mood for some cozy quarters, swing by and I'll show you my new pad. If you're really nice we might even have a slumber party with blanket forts and s'mores.

Mr. Bimble Lives in My Thumb

Good news. I had the bed put in my new apartment today and it didn't take up the entire kitchenette room. *leaps with joy* Actually, my trusty tape measure tells me there's going to be more space that I was fearing in the other room as well. My trusty tape measure also tells me that I should stop talking to it and get myself some real friends, but that's taking us off topic...

Things

Hello all. There are some changes on the horizon once again as Curt and I have decided to go our separate ways. There's been no juicy drama for me to share and this outcome didn't come out of lack of love or effort on either of our parts. Curt is an amazing person and we've been very amiable through this change. I'm so thankful for all that he's done for me and in no way regret the decisions I've made in the last year. Now I venture out to brave this grand state of California on my own. I wish all the best for Curt and if you ever say anything bad about him, I'll kick your ass. Nuff said.

Contrition

I just came to my attention that some people have been hurt by a few things I've posted on my blog about them. I'm very sorry for that as that was never my intention and these people mean a lot to me. My blog has been a place to find a way to laugh at the craziness of life, a way to deal with life's little (and big) stresses through humor. With that sort of focus, I've certainly not shared all the positive feelings and experiences I've had with these and other friends. As you all know, I poke fun at myself on here as much as I do others, because, heck, I can be the most pathetic of all. During some of my more intense stressful life changes I've certainly ventured too far down the road of jaded sarcasm more than once. So I've removed the posts that caused hurt to these friends. If I've posted (or post in the future) anything about you that is hurtful, please let me know and I'll be happy to remove it. In the meanwhile, let's get back to our regularly scheduled program of insanity, drama and the adventure which you, my adoring fans, have come to know and love (or rather pretend to like based on your regularly scheduled bribes).

Fame Isn't All That

I've said it time and time again: famous people don't get me all a flutter. They're just normal people and I'm going to wet myself to go see Cher or Angelina Jolie or, God forbid, the Backstreet Boys. So naturally I wasn't even the tiniest bit impressed that I got to see Harvey Fierstein Saturday night. Nope, not excited about that fact at all. Not even excited that he was reprising his role of Edna in the musical Hairspray, nor that I had front row seats to this production, nor that I flew to Vegas (my first time there) for the show, nor that all this was a monumentally amazing weekend surprise from Curt to celebrate my birthday. The musical was outrageously wonderful, Harvey was hysterical and the Asian fusion restaurant was excellent. But, come one, that's no reason to be all like "woo, woo, look at me in my big birthday-palooza of fun." Even the fact that my spa suite at the hotel got upgraded to something bigger than any apartment I've ever lived in didn't impress me. No "look at me living large like I'm a movie star." Nope, not for me. Cuz, you know, I'm more grounded than that. Yep. Not impressed with glitz, glam, fame... And I'm never one to name-drop. Man, I *hate* people who do that. Just because Dick Latessa and Susan Anton were mere feet away from my twitching right hand doesn't mean I'm going to be all like "I'm now so important you must keep ten paces behind me at all times." Of course, I'm pretty sure that if I had leaned forward far enough I could licked Harvey's left high heel...

A Time to Rest

Dave Luck passed away early this morning. I hardly knew him, yet find myself moved to tears. He was a friend of my family for most of my life. A sweet man who had suffered for years with health issues. Now he's finally home.

With Deepest Sympathy

A new guy was hired at the newspaper. He's not hired as supervisor, though there is potential that he could become that (and would actually want it). While I'm thrilled to have him join us I do feel the strange need to offer him my condolences.

Nuclear Cleansing Anyone?

The mensroom in the printing press warehouse...

Why Can't I Be a Play-a-Holic?

Hm. I'm back in the work 24-7 mode. Full-time hours at the newspaper, rehearsals most every evening and now my weekend is full of freelance jobs which I didn't have time to do during the week. It's great to be active and doing what I love, but once I get on a stable path again, I'm going to seriously have to cut some stuff back. I have no intent on returning to the days of having no personal/social life. BUT... the stuff I'm doing is genuinely fulfilling and fun. So I've just got to keep myself awake long enough to enjoy it.

Scraps for You

Alright. I've been a bad blogger. I know that you, my loyal fans, have been sitting in front of your computers all week long just waiting for a morsel of posting from me. So here ya go:

Life's been a bit crazy for me on all levels actually. Last week I started working full-time at the newspaper. It's not been bad, but the extra hours have taken some getting used to.

This week I started music rehearsals for Kiss Me Kate. They've gone very well and it has been fun to get back into using those parts of my skills. It has also made for very long days. Still, I'm having a good time and thus far am glad that I took on this responsibility.

Yesterday the graphics supervisor at the newspaper turned in his two weeks notice because he's fed up with a job that pulls him 100 differnt directions. Management has decided that a co-worker and I will take over those responsibilities until something more permanent has been put in place. Management also made it clear that he'd love for one or both of us to take over permanently. Coincidentally a part-time staff just gave notice as well since his other job is now requiring more time. So we're under staffed again and suddenly I've got a lot more responsibility (at least temporarily). It's so exciting to work at a place that's constantly in the midst of upheaval.

I don't have a lot to do this weekend which will be a wonderful break. Who knows, I might even find the energy to post something again before summer hits....

The Crazies Have Invaded the Workplace

Damon: "I just licked your orange."

Nikki: "It's a pumpkin."

Damon: "I just licked your pumpkin."

Nikki: "It's a magical pumpkin."

Damon: "..."

Damon: "Magic doesn't taste very good."

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

I just found out that a part-timer here at the newspaper is getting canned today. I can't tell anyone (which is why I'm telling you), but this means that I'll be moving up to full-time. While an even more packed schedule doesn't sound thrilling, the extra income and actually getting benefits certainly does.

Tickle 'Em Good

I filled in for the pianist at choir last night... Huh? What's this choir I've talking about? You mean I haven't told you? Do think I could fill an entire post with questions??

In January I joined the Oakland/East Bay Gay Men's Chorus and it's been awesome. I've never sang in a men's choir before and I'm loving the sound we're getting. I joined really just for the social contact and the opportunity to get into the bay area regularly. To my surprise the group has a high musical quality as well. Who knew?

To get back to the topic of this post (I hate when you get me side tracked like that): I played piano for the chorus last night. The music isn't easy, especially with several songs that have the four part written on all different staves. I had enough warning that I could practice so I felt pretty good about the music going into it. I was a bit nervous going in, but after about 15 minutes I was soaring and loving every minute. It looks like I'll be playing for them in a small concert we have on March 12th since the regular pianist is unable to be there. It's fun to be getting back into my music again after a "dry spell" after the move.

Kiss Me Already

We held auditions last night for Kiss Me Kate, the show I'm music directing. Auditions went okay. It was certainly not the organized, clean-cut thing I was hoping for, but this is community theatre after all. I definitely felt like the rookie in the theatre realm, but I suppose I held my own. The auditions are continued tonight. So far we have one definite for a lead role with several leads still vacant. This is a show that requires some serious acting, singing AND dancing so it'll be a challenge finding the right people. We might be making some phone calls the rest of the week trying to track down the talent we need.

Rose, Chocolates and All Things Mushy

Happy V-Day (Valentine's Day that is, not to be confused with the ever popular Venereal Disease Day, cause, well, that day ain't so happy).

Yellow Makes Green

Friday's birthday party gig went well. I got moola in my pocket, the host was happy, I charmed the 90 year old and the world as we know it is a better place in which to exist. In addition to all that, the host said he'd be calling me for other gigs in the future. Join me in a hearty "hip hip hooray" for yellow pages advertising. No really. I'm not kidding. Join me: 1, 2, 3... HIP HIP HOORAY!

Ok, put your clothes back on. It's not that kind of party...

Buttons & Bows

Remember how things come in groups for me? Well, I got a call yesterday and will now be playing piano for 2 hours at someone's mother's 90th birthday party on Friday night. They want 30s/40s/50s stuff so I bought a book with those styles and will be practicing away the next two days. This contact came through my recently published yellow pages ad. This one gig will nearly pay for that ad. Yay!

And The Beat Goes On

Well, Mr. Interrogation decided that he'd "give me a try" with teaching his daughter. Thanks to joat's lady and the other last minute reference phone numbers I put together for telling my inquisitive client that I actually know what I'm doing (your checks are in the mail). We have our first lesson tonight. I'm expecting to have to spend half the lesson telling the father to sit down, shut up and let me teach. Believe me though, I can make that message outrageously clear.

Painting the Town

Last night I went out on the town in the big city (San Francisco) with a new friend, Rik. We got in some fun dancing, gawking and conversations in my first visit to the Castro district. The dance floor at one place was so packed that it became an experiment to determine the point at which large quantities of human friction reach nuclear levels of energy production. Beyond that claustrophobic bit of fun, the evening was a refreshing dose of the big city. I may head in again this coming weekend for another fix.

Gotz It Goin' On

Um, yeah. So, the thing is... things seem to come together for me in spurts. You know, like, several things all at once. Yeah. So Thursday night I got a call asking me to direct the music for the musical Kiss Me Kate in Stockton. Yeah, I know. I'd been asked about that before, but it had fizzled out due to a flaky director and blah, blah, blah circumstances. Now they're desperate and I get to call the shots. Rehearsals start in a few weeks. Friday I found I can work more hours at the newspaper. Saturday night... I was asked to fill in for the pianist of the choir I've joined which not only pays, but shows some 50 guys in the East Bay that I've got it going on in the piano department. Oh, and I forgot to mention that on Wednesday I got a call from a potential piano student who found me on the web (they've already purchased a piano). All in all, I'd say I made a killing in offers this week. It's so swell to be needed. <cheesy grin>

Business Plan of the Week

Well, my work has decided that they didn't actually need to cut back so much in the graphics department and now all the part-time people can have as many hours as they want. In fact, we are being begged to work more. Suits me just fine because I needed more hours anyway and with this approach I was able to convince my supervisor to let me determine how many hours I can work each week and do it on my schedule. I'm getting the hours while I can before the newspaper decides that it never really needed a graphics department in the first place.

So Many Friends

On our cruise a daily schedule of the following day's events was delivered to our cabin each evening. It included things like casino events, exercise classes, movies, bingo tournaments, that night's entertainment program and the like. Daily there was a Friends of Bill W meeting. And twice in the course of the cruise there was a Friends of Dorothy meeting. While I had a good guess at what the latter group was about, I finally went to the front office to inquire about both groups. The amusing thing about the Friends of Bill W is that they met daily in the Piano Bar.

Jet Setting

We're back from the trip to DC. I had a good time exploring the city. I walked most of my ventures so my legs, feet and ass are killing me, but I'm sure it was good for me. The weather was amazing. In the 50s and sunny most of the time. While the normal touristy things in DC didn't really suit my interests, I loved the architecture. The downtown stuff was all oversized giving even the largest of guys a small man complex. I mean, are 30 foot tall walkways really necessary? Obviously they built to intimidate and believe me, it works. Fortunately it made for some interesting photos and an awe-inspiring experience. Thursday night we had dinner with some of Curt's coworkers who are also friends. They were a lot of fun. Friday night we had dinner with Jay and his friend Sage at a cramped little Thai restaurant. The food was good and then we hit a few of the bars where I tried some new drinks (trying to find something sweet and fruity enough for me to enjoy is quite a challenge). Saturday was pretty low-key and we decided to head home early on Sunday rather than late. All in all it was a nice trip, although I'm looking forward to being home for a bit before my next jet setting adventure.

Traveling Wantonly

Curt and I are off to Washington DC for a few days. He has to work in his office there and then we're staying the weekend. It'll be my first venture into DC (or even that part of the country). While neither of us are quite ready for another trip, I think I'll have a good time exploring. PLUS... I get to meet a few online friends while I'm there (hello online friend Jay). It should be fun.

On a Bright Note

This morning I decided to try another coffee shop on the block by my work. Know what I found? Huh? Do ya?

Jet

Tea

Smoothies

Yep. That's right. After months of searching I've finally found a place in Tracy that serves my drink of choice in Alaska. I was giddy as a school girl on crack while I sipped on my peach jet tea this morning.

Shop-a-holic

I tried out another church yesterday and was pleasantly surprised. The church is closer than the one I've been going to, it's a bit larger and the music style and worship focus was much more what I'm looking for. If I can survive the minister using her 'outside' voice all the time, I may have found myself a church home.

Mammalian Wetness

Whose your blogging daddy? If swimming with dolphins doesn't give me 'daddy' status I don't know what does - beyond, of course, being older, having money and calling you my bitch. But I digress...

I swam with two Common Dolphins in Napier, New Zealand. Swam right in their mucky pool as they did circles around me, swam alongside me and impressed me with their ultimate coolness. I'm so selling all my earthly possessions and moving in with them.

Jiggity Jig

Curt and I got home yesterday about 2pm after far too much flying and not nearly enough sleeping. Our 7 hour nap served us well and we were up 2 hours before heading back to bed for the night (not sleeping really well the 2nd time, but wanting to get into a normal schedule). Curt had to return to the chaos of his day job this morning and is heading to a rehearsal tonight. Jumping right back to the grindstone for him. I have the good fortune of having today off my newspaper job so will catch up on e-mails & phone calls, retrieve and sort 3 weeks of mail from the post office, follow up on some business and home projects and take down the Christmas tree/decorations. Maybe I'll even start to prep some photos from my trip to share with you, my adoring fans. I will certainly post a few more entries from our vacation, though most of the posts about the amazing things we did will come through the photos over the next several weeks. Cheers and Happy New Years.

Tarawera

Hiking into a volcano (Mt. Tarawera): way cool. Offroading in a minivan at interstate speeds to get to said volcano: not so cool. Taking my first helicopter ride away from the volcano: super swanky. The helicopter bobbing in the blustering winds: even swankier with a huge 'ol side of adrenaline for good measure.

New Zealand Trip - Day 3

Driving on the opposite side of the road and the opposite side of the car was an exhilerating and quite successful experience. Those fence posts and guard rails were barely grazed and as soon as I score some valium Curt will be fine too.

New Zealand Trip - Day 1

Three movies, two tv episodes, dinner and a contortionist routine that some may call a nap got me through our 13 hour (shorter than I previously thought) flight just fine. The ability to check into our hotel eight hours earlier than planned was like winning the lottery (but without all that pesky money).

A Drive-By Posting

Hello my illustrious blogging family. I'm sitting in Dunedin, New Zealand and had a few minutes so I popped into an internet cafe. The trip has been awesome and I have lots to tell. I've been weeding out all the bad photos as I go and I still have 100 great shots on this memory card. Today I'll post a couple of the entries I've been drafting for your reading pleasure. After 5 straight days of schedule packed ports we have a couple days at sea to rest and recouperate as we make our way to Tasmania and Australia. There's a little over a week left before we return to all the comforts (and obligations) of home. Now, off to sort through some serious e-mail spam...

Adieu

Oh great blogging family, I can't tell you how much I'm going to miss you over the next three arduous weeks exploring new countries, warm climates and pampered existence. While I will have lots of great stories to tell, the cost of internet on the cruise ship will likely mean I won't be posting a single dramatized entry until after my return (and I'm not keen on spending my precious land time in an internet cafe). I will be taking notes throughout so that you, my loyal fans, will not have to miss a moment of the excitement. Oh and pictures up the whazoo. Well, not actually pictures "up the whazoo," but, you know, like a lot of pictures. Yeah. Anyway... I hope you all have great, meaningful and restful holidays. I'd give you all a hug, but I'm so not into that whole group affection scene... (can you say "not enough deodorant in the world?")

Merry Christmas,
Damon

Time for My Strip Tease

It's amazing how balmy 65°F feels after living in 56°F for several days. It's equally amazing not having to wear several layers of clothing and a space heater attached at the hip just to be comfortable in my own home. The new furnace is installed and purring like a toasty kitten just in time for us to flee to the summer weather of New Zealand (24°C / 75°F today). Only three more days and we're out of here! My theme for the year: warmer horizons.

Oh the Drama

Broken bones, arms bent to new proportions, holes in skin, dripping blood... When my brother hangs Christmas lights, he takes the term "serious decorating" to a whole new level. Marthy Stewart would be proud at his level of commitment.

Culinary Transformation

The first phase of our new kitchen remodel is done. I say first phase because we've also decided to upgrade the lighting and paint the little bit of wall that shows. You know what they say: give a queer a remodeling project and he decides to recreate the earth.

The new digs is such a tremendous improvement over the old kitchen that it's hard to imagine how we ever lived with that white tiled hell. We both just want to hang out in there and bask in it's beauty. Once the lighting is in, I'm pretty sure we'll be moving our bed in there...

Note: there are two photos showing the old kitchen. I've separated the links to make them more obvious.

Sail Away

Um, yeah. So don't hate me or nothing. I mean, it's not like I want to rub your noses in it (seriously). But, well, um... Curt and I are going to New Zealand and Australia for the holidays. On a cruise. For like three weeks. I'm so freakin' buzzed about it I can hardly believe its happening. You know I'm going to come back with hundreds of photos right? And you also know that I'll subject you to each and every one? K. Just so we're clear.

Forced Fun

Curt and I put up the Christmas tree a few days ago. While there was no nostalgia for me in decorating (since I have no decorations of my own) it was still fun to do it and start getting me geared up for the season. I think this is the first year since losing Melissa that I've actually wanted to get in the Christmas spirit. Later this week I see (twice) the Christmas Carol production that Curt is in. Next week we see an awesome musical production of White Christmas. Meanwhile I'll pass the time with LaunchCast's Christmas stations. Hm, suddenly it's sounding like I'm forcing the holidays upon myself. Perhaps I am, but I really want to get back to the "merry" in Merry Christmas.

The Path is Bright Today

I sang in church this morning. It was very powerful for me and I received lots of positive affirmations about it as well. This church doesn't scream it to me, yet each week I've been strongly blessed. Even if it's just where God has me for the short term, I'm really glad that I "stumbled" across this place.

Later this afternoon I went into San Francisco to meet a new friend and some of his friends. They are all great guys and I had a really nice time just hanging out.

I'm making new friends, finding spiritual connections and getting out of the house. Definitely a day of positive ventures.

Avoidance Techniques

Heading to the coffee shop everday (at least once) is evidently a ritual that is sacred above all else at my new job. The entire graphics department abandons our computers and walks across the street for a caffeine fix. Ad reps come into graphics and think that the second coming has arrived and only the designers were chosen (duh). The outing is much more than a chance to dose up on our drug of choice. It's evidently a major social time. The coffee divas know each of us by name. It's a time to share new stories, to shoot the breeze and to stand around pretending to have really important things to discuss so that we can avoid working as long as possible. While I'm not generally a big fan of ritual, who I am to argue with such a time honored tradition? If I must suffer drinking smoothies and chatting about nothing of consequence all while dodging the duties of my job... it's something I'm willing to do for the sake of tradition.

Things I Do For Art

I'm feeling way too positive about this new job I'm starting this morning. I've have nothing angsty or bitterly sarcastic to post. Hopefully there'll be some really annoying incident at work to make me wish I never took this job. Yeah. That'd make for some good blogging.

Woo-Frickin'-Hoo!

This just in: I have a part-time job working in the graphics department at the local newspaper! I start Tuesday. I'm so relieved. This will have me bringing in some money, get me out of the house regularly and give me some much needed social contact. What a blessing from God and what a great way to continue all the great things that have been happening for me since I've been here. Let us all breath a collective sigh of relief...

A Time to Appreciate

A family that is loving beyond all else
A man who desperately wants to see me succeed in every way
So many friends who offer their support so that I can soar
Career focuses that let me do what I love
A God that has blessed me beyond reason

Fun Day

The day at the paper went really well yesterday. I had about 10 minutes of orientation before I was put to work. I was surprised with how quickly I could settle in and that I didn't have to bombard my supervisor with questions all day. She was impressed with the ads I designed and extra impressed that they didn't contain any errors. Seems like a basic necessity to me, but who knows who she's had work for her in the past. I really enjoyed the staff as well and would enjoy working there. They are interviewing three other people. Sounds like they've enjoyed everyone who's put in their trial day so we'll see what they decide. They are going to be letting me know about the job next week.

Earning My Keep

I'm working for a living. Well, at least for the day. I'm going back to the newspaper at which I interviewed last week for a part-time job. I work 8 hours today as sort of a second interview. I was told they are overloaded in the graphics department and to expect to work hard today. I guess that means the chance of slowly easing into things with training is out the window. Ah well. Time to show them what I'm worth.

The Almanac Didn't Tell Me That

You know when you tan indoors (aka Fake 'n Bake) you can smell that your skin has been cooking for awhile? No? Just me? Well then, just play along cause it happens. Anyway, I tanned today in preparation for a holiday trip we're going on. It was my first tanning here and I discovered that baked Damon smells very different in California than it does in Alaska. I had no idea that the smell of charred flesh varied by region. Fascinating.

The Calls Keep Rolling In

I've been getting quite a few calls lately in response to over 100 letters sent to arts organizations and music teachers. The opportunity of the day: helping tune 75 violins for a school concert. While I love the idea of helping nearly 100 eight year olds produce screeching tones resembling the latest Disney theme song, I'm thinking that offer deserves a big fat stamp of rejection.

Where I Hid the Money

Wanna send your future self some words of widsom or a dirty joke that shouldn't be forgotten? This e-mail time capsule is aimed at helping you do just that. Of course, what's the chance that I'll have the same e-mail address in 20 years?

Post War Report

Not only do I have nothing but positive things to report about my family this weekend, but I actually enjoyed my time with them. I seriously have no trash to share and no gossip to spread. All the visits went great. In addition to all that... I think Curt is good for me with my family. I certainly feel much more comfortable around them after this trip.

Ready or Not

Curt and I are headed to Alaska tonight. We are taking a quick trip up there so he can meet my family and vice versa. Since I don't feel all that comfortable around most of my family (no big secret there) this trip should spur lots of interesting stories. Of course, everyone's gonna love Curt which might ruin what would otherwise be several weeks of perfectly delightful blog rants. The bastards.

Mr. Destructo

As I sit here redesigning a customer's logo for the 12th time (insert grumbly explitive here) a complete stranger is destroying my kitchen. That's right. He came in with sledge hammers, chisels and other implements of destruction all with the intent of tearing out the counter tile and the sink. I suppose I shouldn't complain too much considering it'll be replaced with a gorgeous granite countertop, brushed stainless sink and faucet. Still, two weeks without a sink and dealing with plywood counters. Improvement requires so much sacrifice. Hm, I suppose I could take that last sentence as a words of wisdom with all my life adjustments, but that'd be way too emotionally balanced. Can't have that.

AORN Logo

Here is a logo I designed for the Association of periOperative Nurses - San Francisco/Marin. This was the quickest logo design project I've done. It took about three weeks from start to finish. Seemed like plenty of time at the outset, but when I was anxiously waiting on the flighty muses of inspiration, three weeks was cutting it close. In the end I was able to present six potential designs with which I was very pleased. For them it came down to a decision between two favorites. This logo won out.

Bidding My Time

I'm trying to pass the time until I get on the plane to return home. Being an emotional wreck being away doesn't seem to be enough to keep me occupied so I figured I've overload with things to do until time for me to head to the airport. Where's the valium when you need it?

Home, Home on the Range

This morning I fly out of Homer to spend a day in Anchorage before returning to California. While it would have made perfect sense for me to feel like I was returning home when I flew to Alaska, it is - in fact - my flight tomorrow which will feel like my return home. These few days in Homer have made it clear to me how much I do feel at home in my new city, my new house and my new relationship. Two months in and I already long for the familiarity of it all when I'm away.

Besides that... people in Homer dress funny. It offends my delicate metrosexual sensitiblities.

Many Happy Returns

Movable Type (the engine behind this, my most glorious blog creation) has been all wonky for the last couple days. Thus not being able to read comments and me not being able to post new entries. Thanks to Valette and the good people at Movable Type, I'm back to rotting internet minds with my angst-ridden drivel.

Speaking of rotting minds: my gallery show opens in 54 minutes. I can hardly wait. The thing that would make it better... Curt being here to share it with me. Ah, the life of two very busy, successful people.

Schlep

The word is out. I'm a model citizen, contributor to the community and businessman to which all businesses should aspire.

Ok now. At least *try* to control the sniggering.

76 Breathless Nights Led the Big Parade

Friday night opened a community theatre production of The Music Man in which Curt played, Harold Hill, the leading man. This is a major feat not just because of the annoyingly low-rent production mentality he's had to endure, but because of the fact that Curt's been fighting severe bronchitis for weeks now. He can't sleep through the night without coughing up his large intenstines, but he's found a way to make it through the show in full voice and with a smile on his face. The latter is particularly impressive when you consider that he's doing his little dance numbers with a cracked rib. How'd he crack it? Coughing so much. No lie. The dude's a mess, but he still pulled off a smooth, seemingly effortless performance. He's either a loyal martyr to whom we all should aspire or he's just plain stupid. Either way he was brilliant on stage.

Schlemiel Schlamazel

I started a temp job on Wednesday. My first temp job ever. It's a thrilling job of data entry and various other low-man-on-the-totem-pole clerical duties at a food shipping warehouse. Even though it doesn't even scratch the surface of a fulfilling career I'm actually enjoying seeing an industry that's completely foreign to me. The major upside is that it pays well and I don't really have to think. Besides, It's good to be making a bit of money while I wait for my winning lottery ticket to materialize...

I'm a Big Kid Now

I ventured into San Francisco yesterday all by my lonesome. This involved a drive, a long train ride and then another train around the city. All in all, about an hour and a half trip each way. I made it without getting lost, getting mugged or getting hit on by Bruno the drag queen.

Sadly the trip ended up being all about the trip. What I mean is that I didn't see anything overly blog worthy or thrilling. What I saw of Golden Gate Park would have been refreshing if I hadn't just come from the vast outdoors of Alaska and the shopping in Union Square didn't have the charm I was wanting. Still, the whole idea was just to see if I could successfully get into the city. So: mission accomplished.

Run for Your Life

It is now completely legal for me to drive in the state of California.

Suckers.

Woe Nellie!

I've been busy getting things in place for piano teaching and other work here in the Tracy area. I've signed up with two employment agencies and have appointments at two others. Today's employment screening took a gleeful three hours of poorly managed testing. Color me 'burnt umber' (because I've already used up the 'unimpressed' crayon). I've also been submitting applications for part-time graphic design jobs as they come available.

I just had a meeting with one of the yellow pages advertisers to market my piano teaching business. I've made contact with a music store in Modesto to rent studio space to teach there one day per week. I've also networked with the local music store, the music teachers association and the executive director of the Stanislaus Arts Council.

Thursday I take my driving test to get my California license.

It makes me tired just writing out all that I've done. No worries though: it's not been all work and no play. I've gotten in tons of eating, sleeping, cuddling, chatting, gaming and internet surfing. I'd be a rich man if only I could have found a way to get paid for catching up on my Strongbad e-mails. Being on DSL after a year of 28k migranes is like eating a Godiva Double Chocolate Raspberry Truffle after a year of munching on rusty nails.

Amusing Developments

It's only been 2 weeks, but today we were in Wal-Mart picking up a baby mattress...

Domestic Bliss

Curt and I are now legally domestic partners in the grand state of California. That gives us all the legal rights we need and makes us happier than clams (cuz, come on, how happy can clams really be?).

Ruggedly Coifed

A friend of Curt's asked him what I looked like. After his description his friend said, "so, he's kinda rugged looking?" Curt responded, "Yeah, kinda, but in the whole multiple hair products, metrosexual sort of way."

Leftovers Never Tasted So Good

I've been using up leftovers from our dinner party on Saturday. Tonight I used up the rest of the chilled fruit soup. Talk about a gourmet smoothie: fresh pears, fresh pineapple, chamomile tea, dessert wine, frozen raspberries, raspberry syrup and crushed ice. Damn that's good.

Party On Garth

Curt and I threw a dinner party Saturday night for several of his friends. We planned, bought and prepped food for a few days before that and then cooked the majority of the day on Saturday. The event was great in the sense that everyone loved the food, everyone enjoyed themselves and most importantly... everyone loved me (as if there was any doubt). The meal was made from scratch, served in multiple courses and consisted of:

Selection of wines
Blanched asparagus wrapped in provolone cheese and ham slices
Crustini with cream cheese, pesto and sun dried tomato
Stuffed mushrooms

Chilled Pear and Pineapple Soup
Salad with glazed walnuts, gorgonzola and an apple vinagrette
Gorgonzola, spinach and bacon stuffed chicken breast in a lemon mustard sauce
Herb basted baked squash and tomato casserole topped with parmesan
A selection of herbal teas
A dessert with 2 lbs of semi-sweet chocolate mixed with meringue in a thick brownie crust topped with whipped cream

California Dreaming - Day 4 (the beginning)

I finally got to my new home in Tracy almost midnight on Monday night. After my suitcases threw up all over the place I've been finding places to put everything and am starting to settle in. This major transition has certainly brought out the uncertain, neurotic, wishy-washy, bug-eyed-child-who-was-left-behind-at-the-grocery-store side of my personality. Lucky Curt. Once I stop feeling the need to talk to the furniture and affectionately pet the lamp post while calling it "Fluffy," I think I'll be just fine.

California Dreaming - Day 1 (the echo)

I arrived in the great state of California this past Friday after flying all night. The first thing I did after landing in Oakland... took a 5 hour drive to Santa Barbara with Curt. Reviews had said the rooms at this charming Santa Barbara hotel were extremely tiny so we made sure to specify that we wanted a large room and boy did we ever get it. It had a football field for a bedroom area and what we liked to refer to as the "east wing" was actually the kitchen/dining room. Getting lost in the northern staircase of the southeastern turret was my only concern...

Pillow Talk

It's 4 hours until I leave my Homer job for the last time and 5.5 hours until I'm on the plane to Anchorage. I'm all packed, boxes are shipped and my luggage is sitting in my mom's Yukon waiting delivery to the airport along with yours truly. I've wrapped up all work projects and written an office procedures manual for my successor. The problem with not leaving everything until the last minute is that I'm sitting at my desk with nothing to do and absolutely no motivation to seek out either new life or new civilizations when it comes to work projects. What I really would like to do is take a huge, long nap. Perhaps I can convince my assistant that I'll be working on projects in the basement all afternoon and simply find a place to curl up.

Raise Your Glasses Please

For the last year I've been "crashing at my parents for bit," "reconnecting with my roots" or "in a temporary living situation." The truth of the fact is that I was living at my parent's house. While they provided me with what was essentially a 1,000 sq ft apartment, I was still living with my parents. That was definitely a blow to my independent ego at first, but in the end I am so thankful to them for their support and sacrifice throughout the last year. It's been a difficult, but amazing year and they helped me through. In addition to the space, the dish washing, and the occasional devouring of entire bags of potato chips, dad loaned me a vehicle for the year as well. Their generosity helped me get back on my feet emotionally and financially and I'm forever grateful to them. Mom and dad... here's to you.

True Fruitopia

Frozen bananas, pineapple, orange juice, crushed ice, peach syrup and strawberry syrup... It's these sorts of gleeful combinations that make the world a better place.

New Depths of Shallowness

Have you ever obtained a credit card just because the card had a cool design? It's a purely hypothetical question. No reason at all, just asking. You haven't? Right. Well, I haven't either, I was just curious. Though it really does have a kick-ass design...

Steady Diet of Smoothies

I�ve always had this sense that choosing a relationship was like choosing a smoothie at the juice bar: there are 15 different ingredient options, but you can only choose 4 of them. You have to narrow down your needs into the top 4 items and decide what things you can live without. With Curt I get all 15 ingredients and more (they have tons of special ingredients they never tell the public about... it's a consipiracy). Consider me in smoothie heaven.

I Reject You More Than You Reject Me

I was so hoping to turn down the job I interviewed for in San Francisco. Instead they had the nerve to reject me first. How rude.

It actually works pretty well, because I had already decided that I wanted to focus on building my piano studio again, teaching lessons, doing various gigs, accompanying, and doing freelance graphic design. So what may seem like a consolation prize is much more in line with what I'd love doing anyway. This plan will take a heck of a lot more work, but it'll be a lot more fulfilling.

I'm inclined to call this company at which I interviewed and decline their rejection because I'm pulling myself from the running.

My Best Friend is a Sock Puppet

Two weeks from today I'll be jumping on a plane to head down to my new home in Tracy. That's a mere 14 days of final lunches/dinners with friends, wrapping up things at my two jobs (whose brilliant idea was it to take on an extra job?), designing several logo drafts and finalizing a logo for a local business, packing all my worldly possessions (as opposed to the ethereal possessions which fortunately need no packing), playing one last gig in Homer, getting a job or at least a job plan in the San Francisco Bay area, and trying not to go completely insane. The upside? In 14 days it'll be over and I'll be living my new life. Look out Curt: I'm coming to California, but make no guarantees about my sanity by the time I get there. They do have mental wards in Tracy right?

Reporting In

I'm back from my quick trip to San Francisco. I think my interview went well, but couldn't read how the committee felt about it. I interviewed with the eight person staff in the department in which I'd be working. It was a bit of on awkward interview though I think I handled it fairly well. I definitely felt like a little fish in a big sea. I can most certainly do the job, but haven't done anything at this level before so I don't necessarily have the experience to prove it. They will make a decision by the end of the week so hopefully I'll know something by Monday.

Pursuing Possibilities

This past Tuesday I e-mailed a resume for a graphic designer position at a large arts organization in San Francisco. Within a few hours I received a call and had a phone interview scheduled on Thursday. That went really well and I'll be down there this Tuesday for a second interview in person. If they know what's good for them they'll offer me the job on Wednesday. Here's hoping they know what's good for them.

All My Bags are Packed, I'm Ready to Go

On August 12th I'll be making the journey back to Tracy, CA (of the ever famous Dry Bean Festival). The little difference about this trip is that I won't be leaving again. That's right. I'm going to stop talking about moving out of Alaska and am finally going to make it happen.

Life in the east San Francisco Bay area offers more than stores, restaurants, warm weather, a plethora of artistic opportunities, access to a lot of different cities and, yes, even more than dry beans (as if that weren't enough). I'm moving for <cue sappy music> beauty, truth and love!!! Ok, well I'm not really quite that bohemian, but I am moving for love. Well, love and a great step in this next chapter of my life. Curt's already on the ball with plans to get me connected into the arts communities in that area - accompanying, teaching, solo gallery shows, graphic design, etc.

This past year in Homer has been a sort of limbo for me as I knew it was a temporary place for me. I'm excited to be able to fully sink my teeth back into life, friends and career goals. Beyond a kick ass administrative job, Curt's an actor and musician. We'll be performing together in a cabaret he'll be doing toward the first of next year which will be a lot of fun. Beyond those kinds of things to look forward to I'll get to see if I'm truly the big city, warm climate boy that I really think I am. Just the thought of going to a theatre show that's more than a 3 person (including actors and crew) production in a run down warehouse already has me giddy as a school girl.

It'll be a grand adventure which will likely inspire lots of "what the freak am I doing?!" sort of moments. It's a risk that's worth taking and an adventure that's worth experiencing. And the fuel for blog posts should be out of this world.

Bringing Home the Bacon

Before starting my regular job this morning I went in and worked for two hours at the newspaper. It was to be a time of orientation with the production person, but that took all of 5 minutes at which point I set to work designing ads. I go back after work tonight for another hour or two. It was fun to be back in the graphic design mode for a bit. Of course, I'm thinking about mid afternoon I'll turn into a sniveling, sobbing mess as I realize that my regular 8 hour day has been extended to a 11-12 hour cycle of madness. Welcome to my world.

All Kinds of Excitement

In the last week I've gotten two new logo design jobs (one of which is pro-bono), a solo music gig at an upcoming street fair and a side job designing ads and misc projects at the newspaper that isn't run by the douche bag of an inebriated dog. Lots of fun new stuff going on for me. That isn't even to mention all the exciting possibilities that presented themselves this past weekend in San Francisco. Technically I guess I did just mention them, but since I'm being elusive again you can just pretend it was never brought up. Okay? Okay.

Mind Your Meat

Valette: "He's never had Kielbasa sausage before?"

Damon: "Nope. I introduced it to him today."

Valette: "... this isn't a euphemism for something is it?"

Damon: "No. I'm talking about real sausage."

Valette: "What, they don't have sausage in California?"

Damon: "They do, but you have to get it on the black market."

Valette: "Like a guy on the street sells you illegal sausage?"

Damon: "..."

Valette: "Not the kind of sausage you'd normally get from a guy on the street in San Francisco mind you."

Damon: "Can we change the subject now?"

Solid Gone

And just like that, Damon fled the office for his weekend in the bay area. He didn't wish anyone a happy 4th of July nor take the time to even put on his hat. A brief thought of a Tuesday return passed through his mind as he sped out of the parking lot, but he could decide if he felt so inclined when the time came. For now, he was off on his adventure wasn't looking back.

Sleeping Like a Colicky Baby

Lately I've been doing a lot of abdominal workouts on one of those exercise balls. While that does minimize the impact on the tendonitis in my neck and shoulders, it still hurts and I've been finding I'm not sleeping as well because of it. So it's come down to a decision: do I want ripped abs or do I want restful sleep. It's not really much of a decision and the importance of the situation is obvious. Anyone with half a brain would know that I would choose ripped abs. Pah-leeez!

Independence Day

On a last minute whim, I'm going to the San Fransisco area over the 4th of July weekend for a date. Am I crazy? Perhaps. But I'm rather liking this brand of crazy.

Independence Day

On a last minute whim, I'm going to the San Fransisco area over the 4th of July weekend for a date. Am I crazy? Perhaps. But I'm rather liking this brand of crazy.

Allocation of Resources

Ooooh, I just discovered that the new printer at work prints much nicer photos than my printer at home. And here I have a lot of photos that need to be printed for my October gallery show. Hmmmmm.

It's Like Magic!!

I'm amazed at the power of music. Listening to "Dance Hits of the 90s" and "Get Your Groove On, Vol. 39" magically shortens my drive to Anchorage by at least 30 minutes. Fascinating.

It All Blows

Is it possible to hear the distant sounds of trumpets only to discover after they arrive that they are really only kazoos? Don't get me wrong, the kazoos were great, but I was so hoping for trumpets.

And in Other News

My boss has been out of town the last two days and my assistant is off showing her granddaughter the area. This has made for a very peaceful and slow paced setting at work. As such I've gotten a lot accomplished and am now down to the really annoying projects that through some odd twist of fate (damn that avoidance karma) always ended up being shuffled to the bottom of the pile. So now the question is, do I actual tackle those projects and be rid of them forever or do I order pizza and a keg and enjoy the rest of my day? Guess which one I'm leaning toward...

Toying with Your Mind

There are some moments which you know will change your life. Today I will have one of those moments. I'd tell you what it is, but that would take all the fun out of being elusive.

Bring Back the Bang

Your interro has lost it's bang. Inquisitions just aren't as exciting as they used to be. There's no flare in your requests or pizazz in your ponderings. What do we need to do to rekindle the flame of your quizzical nature?!

Social overload

Cramming a month's social quota into a weekend in the "big city" leaves one feeling rather exhausted. It leaves one wondering: if you can't bring the city to the boy...

Ka-ching

How does one cope with a truck breaking down 4 miles out of Soldotna? One walks to Soldotna and goes clothes shopping. Duh!

Pucker up

Strawberry Lemonade JetTea Smoothies are a wonderful afternoon treat.

Here's your bill

My concert was very good for me. In preparation for it (and due to my lovely virus) I took Friday off work, had raindrop therapy, took a specially forumlated Bach Flower concoction, had some energy work (focused on achieving a meditative state), liberally utilized an emotionally balancing essential oil blend and had a therapuetic massage. (how's that for a link storm of goodness?)

On top of my treatment overload... my music is meditative in nature and I took full advantage of that fact. I reached new levels of meditation while playing and could actually feel healing energy flowing through me (let's just forget that little postive thinking post from yesterday, heh). My mono seemed to be less severe after the concert. My energy was better in spite of post-performance blues and I'm continuing to feel much better even though I am supposed to be dragging something fierce for the next month.

Having the (good) stress of the concert behind me is certainly part of the better health, but I while I played on Saturday I could tell that my body was strengthening. It was an amazing thing. The two days before my concert I was reminded to take time for meditation and to be good to myself emotionally. Both were magnified in the concert and the benefit is tangible. Praise God for giving me such an awesome way to pursue health and for bringing me to a much stronger place this week.

Conversational snippets

"I just want to go on record as saying a 'woo-woo wand photo shoot' does not sound like my idea of fun."

The envious season

I just smelled my first freshly mown grass of the year. It made me suddenly realize how green things are getting all around here. Spring is a beautiful thing.

Frosted goodness

Sore throats, lack of energy, dying computer, chai tea shortage and obnoxious office assistants. I'd be having a terrible week if it weren't for the gorgeous sunny weather, spending time with loved ones, getting out of the house, and hanging out with friends thing. The cup is half full my friend.

For the cause

I'm having a hard time waking up today. I think I slept well and didn't take anything last night that should give me a hangover... I'm going to rule out getting sick, because that simply doesn't work into my plans. Instead it is only logical to assume that aliens from deep in the heart of the planet Neptune abducted me in the night and stole my REM sleep so they could give it to needy alien children around the galaxy. There are starving dreamers on Saturn you know. Operators are standing by. Call now.

Well deserved break?

My Friday was filled with lots of personal stuff and only a tad bit of work (so little in fact that's it's best we don't even mention it) then I left work early. So all in all... I got paid to start my weekend early. I'm trying to feel really bad about that, but not having any luck whatsoever.

From days gone by

"Being a peacemaker doesn't mean helping the boat to rock less. It means going to the eye of the storm and quenching it."

Art in progress

Who can ever understand the mind or the process of an artist...

Happy me

33 feels, for all practical purposes, much like 32 does. The beginning of a new year of existence is, however, a very nice thought. A future of possibility and adventure lies again. The cup is half full, my friend.

Now that the sentimental platitudes are out of the way... bring on the crazy ass party!

Baaaaah

Joseph of Arimathea just came into the music store next to my office. How do I know it was him? I've only seen his flannelgraph likeness for like my entire life. Gosh! Sure he's updated his wardrobe a smidge, but that scruffy beard and tall shepherd's cane would give him away anywhere. Yeah, that's right, a tall shepherd's cane. What's odd about that?

Bunny Trail

Happy late Easter to you all. I did absolutely nothing of interest. Well, that's not true. I went to church with an amazing service of music and drama. Excellently done and very worshipful. This whole going back to the church I grew up in might really be a good thing after all.

Bright lights, big city

Since you all were absolutely no help with the whole birthday planning thing I had to take drastic measures to ensure this birthday was doing to be wild crazy fun so in a fit of reckless abandon I've decided to go to Valdez!

Hey now, stop laughing so hard. Yes, Valdez is a dinky little place where all the crazies in the state seem to settle out, but this freaky little town is surrounded by beautiful scenery. I can go hiking, camping, snowmachining, climbing... the rugged existence that I've come to know and <cough> love.

...

Okay, who am I kidding. I'm going to Valdez to hang out with a friend for a few days. Geesh, you all know me way too well.

And the living is easy

Well the winter wonderland that is flurrying around outside kinda betrays what has seemed like near summer weather lately. But have no fear: I still came to work in my flip-flops, Bermuda shorts and shirt optional attire.

Bullwinkle

Dude, there is a moose right outside our office windows munching on our shrubs. If there were any doubt that Homer was a dinky ass town... If only I had a camera.

Lend me your synapses

My birthday is going to be in 2 weeks and I'm thinking of having a bonfire party on the beach. Donnie will be in town plus I've made enough friends <fingers-crossed> that I think the event wouldn't consist of me sitting alone on the beach telling myself that I don't look a day over 25. Friends, a beach and a bonfire does kinda make a party, but I'd kinda like a little more happening than that. This is where you and your considerable mental resources come into play.

What else could I do for this grand day? I'd have loud party music, of course. We could do it around dinner time and have hot dogs, etc. to cook over the fire. We could do naked rain dances (a.k.a. "the dance of the jiggly parts"). We could write naughty messages in bottles for some formerly innocent child to discover. I could have everyone write a poem to be read and then tossed into the fire. We could create little art scenes from seaweed, driftwood and other beach items. It could be a costume/themed bonfire party.

So many options. Care to add a few more?

Hm

Being in a good mood doesn't really lend itself to entertaining blog posts. I guess my loyal subjects will suffer for the sake of my joy. Hm.

Constant companion

Three years ago I sat with Melissa while she got this frog tattooed on her lower back for her 18th birthday. It's a poisonous dart frog; cute but deadly, just like my little sister (that petite girl could pack a hell of a punch). After she died I got this little guy crawling up the front my right shoulder (shown above). He's a constant, cuddly companion.

A day for you

Told would have been Melissa's 21st birthday. Melissa, in your honor I will spend my day focused on having fun, ignoring adult worries and letting my child-like side come to the forefront; characteristics you always inspired in me. I'll even take a stroll on the beach on this sunny afternoon just because I can. Happy birthday sis. I love you always.

Dreaming of you

I had this dream where this super, frickin' annoying lady wanted me to remaster an entire cd because her child's musical number was placed after a certain performer instead of before. I was to recall all cds and fix each and every one. My boss supported this decision. Beyond being pissed at this lady, the main thing I thought about... "I'm totally going rant about this on my blog." Imagine my disappointment when I woke to realize it was all just a dream and a blog post about it would only reveal how pathetic my existence really is.

I'm still not going to appreciate the organ

This whole not being a diva thing is a tough road. I don't know how all you little people manage it.

I've been kind of frustrated with the church I've been attending on and off since my return to Homer. It has a lot of the style that I like, but it lacking in a lot of other areas. I had tried going to the church I grew up in a few times, but didn't care for the style, didn't like this, hated that, etc. I decided to go back again today and to set my nitpicky judgements and strong opinions aside. I was going not to find the myriad of things that didn't "suit me," but to gain whatever I could from the experience. To worship God, to hang out with him and to be with other Christians. It turns out that when I accept lack of perfection, I can actually be very blessed in a church that is "too traditional" or that has "too many cliques" or whatever. Praise God for that. It appears to be mostly about my attitude.

Hm. Go figure.

Eating crow

Ok, well, my diva moment's over. The two performances of the variety show happened today. The evening show went much better than the matinee, but both went pretty well. As much as I bitched about rehearsals, disorganization, etc... in the end I'm so glad I did it. I had forgotten how alive and 'right' I feel when performing. It's definitely a talent that God has given me and something to which he has called me. I need to do more of it. So next time I'm moaning about annoying rehearsals just remind me that the performance will make it all worth while. I will likely slap you upside the head for this reminder, but that doesn't mean I need it any less.

Two stepping

The showshoeing experience was surprisingly easy. Granted the snow was mostly wind and sun packed, but still I think I did very well. I enjoyed our trek into the mountains around Eagle River. The weather was nice for the trip. I didn't fall on my face once, nor did I beg to turn around at any point. In fact, I felt that I could have gone much further than we did. I'm still a city boy at heart, but I would definitely go snowshoeing again. Thanks to Charlie, Dan and Berina for the fun trek and to Musa, Keba, Nelly and Sable for providing entertainment with their doggie playtime on the mountain.

Cuti-what??

I was hanging out with a friend recently who boldly claims to be trailer trash. I had not yet seen signs of it, but figured I'd take him at his word. Just as I had settled into his tale, the "trash" was caught in his web of lies. On his bathroom counter sat... cuticle cream. <gasp> I propose that no self-respecting trailer trash would ever be caught dead with such an item. Lie uncovered. Closeted metrosexual caught smooth handed. My work here is done.

Such a quitter

A friend sent me chocolates for Valentines... I've been devouring them all afternoon... it's not like an addiction or anything... it's just that I'm fully enjoying the gift I was given... the sugar high is simply a side affect of the friendly gesture... I can stop eating them whenever I want... the fact that the box is sitting a mere 6 inches from my computer keyboard does not indicate and level of obsession... my current hyper, talkative mode has nothing to do with the chocolates or the sugar in said chocolates or the delicious filling inside each and ever delectable chocolate covered piece of heaven.

Fa la la la huh?

Do you often find yourself humming a random tune and accidently end up humming your way through an entire Christmas carol even though it's months after the holiday? No? Hm.

Why don't we just forget we had this little conversation.

I can quit whenever I want

Selling tickets, taking art submissions, distributing class notices, folding programs, receiving auction payments, planning upcoming performances, paying bills, entering credit card deposits...

I'm on a major productivity high right now. I've been going non-stop since I got to work. I'm going to crash hard when I get off at 2pm, but at the moment I'm all glazed-eyes and nervous twitches. BRING IT ON!!!!!!

Is the computer plugged into the wall??

After serving as a homeless shelter for a freezing family... Roc provides a little lesson on furnace switches and working for the spawn of the devil.

Yahoo for me

With my pathetically slow dial-up connection at home and having worked at places that used Macs for the last 1.5 years... I've been missing out on a lot of internet goodness made for PCs with fast connections. I now work on a PC with a DSL connection, at a workplace that is casual about things such as personal usage issues. I'm committed to Yahoo Launchcast like it's crack. Color me giddy. I've joined the land of the living, the wired and the connected once again.

Herbert of the gentle heart

I don't know if it's true and I'm too damn lazy to research it, but I hear that the tsunami stirred up all sorts of freaky deep sea fish. This is supposedly one of them. Some of the others looked like freaky ass sci-fi crap. If I were to encounter one of these in the ocean I'd be like, "Lord take me now, cause the aliens have landed!!"

Wheels in the big city

Well, yes, I was in Anchorage when the truck broke down. I had it towed to a mechanic and it's running again (starter relay safety switch). They said the starter will need replaced soon, but hopefully not before I get back to Homer.

The wheels have been great to have because I've seen a set of short plays at a community theatre, went to an awesome restaurant for a late night dinner, enjoyed karaoke night at a bar, got my ear pierced, met some great new friends, and have had an all around awesome time.

The highlight of the weekend was going dancing last night, which I've not done in years. I danced for nearly two hours straight. I hurt like hell today, but it was worth it. Tomorrow I return to the simple life in Homer (which may be some much needed recovery).

Viva Los Biodome!

Ignoring the nightmare that was my last road trip (which is how horror sequels always begin) I'm headed back to Anchorage this weekend. I found out that this is my last extended weekend before I'm full-time at my new job. I decided to take advantage of the freedom before it's gone for good.

New Years in Anchorage

So apparently any and all New Year's activities in Alaska are centered around drinking. Valette and I weren't up for that scene so searched desperately for alternative activities. The singular option we found was a dance at an alcoholics anonymous group. After much consideration the thought of a party with a bunch of grumpy people who would much rather be drinking... didn't sound the best way to spend our evening. We didn't end up finding anything thrilling to commemorate the evening, but we did end up having fun hanging out together which was the whole point of the weekend.

Bring it on

I'm driving to Anchorage tomorrow to spend an extended New Year's weekend with my sis who's flying down from Fairbanks. I'll also get to hang with my 6 year old godson, play with my nieces, see my 2 brothers and their wives, see a few friends and get out of Homer. All in all, it sounds like a fun-filled weekend. Happy 2005 everyone.

Like a virgin

I went to a friend's yesterday for a little after Christmas cocktail party. I've never found an alcohol that I can stand, but I figured it'd be nice to hang out. Well, my friend was making Mai Tai's with pineapple juice, orange juice and all sorts of fruity goodness so I asked to try one. He made one very light on the alcohol ("half way between a virgin and a regular") and I totally loved it. Definitely could have more of that!

Happy New Year to me

For New Years I'll be spending a long weekend in Anchorage with my sister "who is a riot." I can't wait!

Optimism-R-Us

Started at my new job today. I think it will be a position I can handle, but not a position that thrills nor fulfills me. If only money were a bigger motivator for me... Focusing on the positive, it's good to have a job, a flexible place to work and a much needed income. I won't be on the street anytime soon. Yay! In other positive news, with my part-time schedule for the next month I'll have 4 day weekends! That'll be great.

Like a needle to the brain

A friend asked me to create a satin edging for a small piece of fabric and said they'd pay me to do it. The whole thing is about 2'x4' and they supplied the materials. It seemed like an easy project, but was much more complicated than I had assumed. As a result the stitching didn't come out as perfect as I would have liked. What should I charge for something like this?

Still kickin'

Lately I've had several people tell me that I look like I'm in my mid 20's. A few actually thought I was lying when I said I was 32. What's really amusing about it all is that I don't at all mind being in my 30's so I'm slightly flattered by the thought, but it doesn't really speak to my ego they way a comment like that should. Very sad, since my delicate ego needs soooooo much help. LOL

Working man

As of 9am Alaska Standard Time I am once again employed. That took less than a week which, considering the job market around here, is a true miracle. What an amazing blessing from God. I am the new administrative assistant for an arts organization. The pay is pretty good for the area, though a little less than I was making at the newspaper. I love my boss already (yay!). I get all major holidays as paid days off. I get vacation and sick days. None of these seem like a big deal, but they weren't offered at my last job so... I'm happy. No other benefits at this time. I can be flexible with days off so if I want to take a trip to Anchorage, I just take an extra day off. Loving that option.

Oddly enough my biggest relief in getting this job is that I can now tell people that I've "changed jobs" as opposed to telling them I "lost my job." I guess the shame of being fired was a pretty big deal for me. I don't actually start work until Tuesday and it'll be part-time for a month or so while I train. By the end of January I'll be full-time.

Go God! Go me! This helps my mood jump up several notches. And we all breathe a collective sigh of relief...

Burrowing my way to freedom

In one night Homer was buried in snow...

Things for which I'm thankful

Making some amazing friends at work
An income for the past 4 months
Never having to go to that horribly stressful place ever again

I was fired on Friday due to "too much conflict" between the boss and myself. Losing a job sucks and I will miss my co-workers very much; we were an amazing team. Still, I've been needing out of that place for my own health. Now I just need to find another income. If only chatting online and maintaining a blog paid better money...

Submersible bliss

Bliss is having an over-sized tub in which to soak. A close runner up is having a friend who has an over-sized tub and has asked you to watch their house while they are away...

Stuffed

My boss has been overly helpful today. She offered to make everyone coffee, to help me prep an 8 page insert, to answer the phones... It's freaky. I feel a bit like a turkey being basted before having my neck shoved up my butt.

Candy coating the future

When I am going through some crisis the last thing I want to hear is "everything will be okay" or "things will work out." It seems like some feeble attempt at predicting a future which is out of our control. It also feels like people are trying to deny me the important grieving/feeling/processing part of the situation. What I want to hear are statements that affirm how terrible the thing is: "that sucks," "I'm sorry," "you shouldn't have to deal with this." I got in a big argument with a friend yesterday about this (sorry to that friend for the mess that became). It made me realize that maybe other people really do find comfort in such phrases as "you'll get through this" and "it'll be okay." Any thoughts?

It's a freakin' novel

I'm so completely open about my life. I'm sure it's more than most people want to hear. But hey, my life is an open book. Not a regular book. An audio book. No reading or page turning required.

Snooze

I guess I live quite the adventurous life and love to talk about it. In an effort to come across slighty less self-centered I've been trying to talk about myself less in conversations. Of course, if my friends don't develop some more interesting lives I can't be held responsible for filling in the gaps.

Santa should shop online

I went to Anchorage this weekend and finished my Christmas shopping. The stores were insane and the parking lots were worse. Next year I really need to do all my shopping online. It'd make life so much easier.

The giving of thanks routine

amazingly rich experiences in my life
friends with whom I always stay in touch
new friends with whom I can spend the holiday
recent weight loss
an amazing mother who loves me
my relationship with God; he totally rocks
a future filled with possibilities
my blogging family who have all agreed to donate $100 to my "save the style" campaign for a new wardrobe

Savoring every word

Well, after 6+ months or more I finally made it through the book of Genesis which makes me think that perhaps my Bible reading hasn't been quite as diligent as I'd like it to be...

This is an automated reply

Due to a major increase in social schedule, I am no longer accepting applications for friends. I know this will crush many of you, but I'm sure you'll find someone else. To anyone who has an application pending, please consider this your esteem destroying rejection letter.

An evening of disappointments

First we tried to see some transvesties playing ball. They were postponed and replaced with some sappy Japanese film. Then we tried to see cartoons in tights but were crowded out. Finally we made an effort to see a hot guy sweating a lot but couldn't find him anywhere.

Squeaky wheel

After some rather persuasive arguments (i.e. whining) some friends have ditched their Thanksgiving plans so they can spend it with me. Sounds like I'll be the cook for the event. I'm currently using some rather persuasive arguments (...) to get them to agree to a non-traditional fare. I'm thinking a Thai spread. That'd rock.

More work

I think I need to start working more than half days on Wednesdays. I barely got in all my personal surfing, chatting, bill paying and phone calls before I had to clock out...

A grand and glorious day

For the first time since I started at the newspaper, the paper was completed early. Only 30 minutes early, but early nevertheless. Our norm is to get it out 30 minutes late so we're and hour ahead of schedule. The entire day was actually fairly easy. The cause? Our lead news reporter get on the boss' case to make page 1 decisions on Monday before, it had been laid out rather than on Tuesday after it had been laid out. I've been trying to get this to happen, but every week since I started I've had to rework the front page on Tuesday morning. Today I didn't have to do any reworking. Everything just nicely built on the work I did the last week.

Getting the paper out early means getting to leave early. I don't really know what to do with myself for the rest of the afternoon though I'm sure I'll manage just fine.

The Highlight of My Weekend

At a beauty supply place in Soldotna today... "...as a hair stylist you'll get a discount... You're a stylist right?" I think I fell in love with her the moment those words were uttered. The owner assumed I was a stylist because of my appearance and the items I was purchasing. I beamed with giddy joy. I did confess that I'm a wanna-be, but nothing can take away the delight of her assumption. All in all it was an ego boosting stop. I'm sure I'd already reached my ego quotient for the year, but can you really have too much of a good thing?

New and Improved?

After sitting for two hours in "model call" for the hair show... I was informed that they didn't need guys in the show. If they had told me that earlier I might have been able to see if one of the other company's participating in the show needed men. As it was I was out of luck and without a hair show. Determined to not return home plain headed, I made an appointment with a random stylist and asked her to have her way with my hair. The stylist ditched me after about 15 minutes of brainstorming because she had been double booked. The stylist to whom I was passed had to finish up her client. Once she got to me, 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment time, the brainstorming process began again. Sadly this stylist seemed to have very little opinion or suggestions. I ended up having to give her a fairly specific idea of what I wanted. She was slow in applying color and didn't talk at all. After she shampooed me, she made it clear that she didn't think the color looked very good and wanted to fix it. Back to the coloring process... The whole event took 4 hours. That's 2 hours past when I was supposed to pick up my godson for some male bonding time. The experience was far from what I had hoped, but my hair got changed and for that I'm very happy. Wanna see some pics?

keep reading...

Submissive Bottom Seeking Dominant Top to Have Your Way

I'm driving to Anchorage tomorrow to be in a hair show. I'm putting myself at the mercy of a complete stranger to cut, color and style my hair in whatever way he or she desires. I'm excited to get a fresh, new cut and to possibly try something completely different. I'm hoping they have some funky new color/cut to demonstrate on me and I'm open to literally anything. To prepare for the show I haven't cut or colored my hair since August. It's in desperate need of some attention. I'm relieved that it's finally going to get some.

The driving part should be interesting as we've been having whiteout storms the last few days. I'm going to take it slow, but after suffering through not cutting or coloring my hair for the last 2.5 months... there's no way I'm backing out of this show.

A Frickin' Wonderland

Snow. Snow and ice. Snow and ice and temperatures in the single digits.

Winter has come to Homer and it looks like it's here to stay. <sigh>

The Latest Breaking News

Well, no transvestites for me. I just didn't have the energy for all that madness. On the up side I think my cold is starting to dry up. Now we've hit the lovely coughing stage. Hopefully I'll be back to full strength for my thrilling 12 hour day on Monday.

Virgin Initiation

I have plans to go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight at the local theatre with some friends. I'm a virgin to the whole thing, but I hear it's a blast and apparently Homer really gets into it. There's even a virgin guide so I can prepare myself properly for the experience. Here's hoping my cold goes away by tonight so I can join in the party of rice throwing, transvestite wearing, actor mocking, and generally chaotic crowd that has defined this otherwise pathetic cult classic.

Leaking

I've caught the cold that's been going around the office. On one hand I hope that I'm too sick to work on Monday and Tuesday, one the other, I'm pretty sure that I'll be forced to work even if I'm deathly ill. Gotta love a job that values it's employees; slave labor, after all, is a valuable commodity.

Rolling In It

I gleaned $450 from my eBay auctions. Sa-weet.

Tweedly Dee

I'm waiting for the "editor" to do spell check on the paper before I can finish making the edits I've been given. So I'm sitting at another computer passing the time...

Socks and Ice Cream

Tomorrow I drive 1.5 hours to Soldotna. Why? Socks and ice cream.

Instant Social Life

I seem to have developed a social life overnight. Last Saturday I went to a concert and out to dinner with some friends. Wednesday I went to a movie with some other friends then we went to karaoke night at a local bar. I didn't get home until after midnight. Tonight I saw a movie with the same friends from Wednesday and Saturday night we are going to go see a band play. I'm making friends at the local Subway, at my favorite coffee shop, and at the movie theatre. It seems that once I finally decided to stop stressing about finding stuff to do and making friends, God decided to drop it in my lap. His love for me still astounds me. Go God.

eBay Whore

Well, I could only avoid eBay for so long. I'm back and have 34 auction lots listed for sale. I'm selling mostly comics, but also some software, games, etc. The items been listed for about 16 hours and I already have 23 bids totalling $75. The auctions don't end until next Tuesday so I'm looking at making a pretty penny on this one. This eBay selling thing totally plays to my organizational, money hungering and clutter-purging sides. It makes me all giddy inside.

7 Year Itch

Apparently the "7 year itch" wives tale is true. My counselor said that people tend to make major changes in their interests, priorities, desires, etc. in 7 year cycles. She said that divorces most commonly happen after 7, 14, 21, 28... years. My wife and I seperated after 14 years (when you count over a year of dating) so the cycle theory fits in our case. And about 7 years ago was the other major turmoil in our relationship that almost split us up. This cycle thing is way freaky. I'm not sure how true it really is, but my independent self is having a hard time accepting that there are these external life patterns, out of my control, that have a major influence on my decisions.

Intellectual Thought of the Week

Is captitalism really founded on disapointment?
"...if the product delivered its promise, you would stop buying other products - why go on spending money once realization is attained? - and thus cause the collapse of Capitalism. Money can only circulate freely in a realm of continual disappointment - the reproduction of scarcity is the production of wealth." –Hakim Bey, from For and Against Intrepretation (emphasis added)

// my personal research assistant: steven //

Giddy

Today is actually a slow day at work. Yay! There's a first for everything. I've spent most of my morning surfing the internet. The internet... oh how I've missed you. With all this free time I'm feeling a bit giddy. Of course, I'd never let my boss know that things were a bit slow cause she'd freak and double my work load. Still, it's a good day that I can goof off at work. I'm happy.

Colorstrology

For those either wooed by astrology or fascinated by color, colorstrology is a fun, nicely designed site (sponsored by Pantone) that you are sure to enjoy. My color is Fiery Red (Pantone 18-1664).

Defense Systems Activate

In a statement of rebellion and anger toward my boss, I declared that Friday was punk rock day at work. No one else apparently got the memo (perhaps because it originated in my head the night before).

Hm. Apparently no amount of hair glue, jewelry or black clothing is going to make me look bad ass. You don't want to meet me in a back alley cause I might redecorate your bathroom.

My Babies

I miss my kids. I am absolutely confident that they are better off with their mom, but I still miss them. Here they are in need of a haircut. Sadly, these seem to be the only pics I have of them.

It's a Beautiful Thing

The new and improved site is up and running. It looks suprisingly like the old site, but believe you me, what's under the hood is a whole lot sweeter. Thanks Valette for the quick work. "You totally rock and I don't care who knows it."

Link Me Up

I just wanted to send out a baby trend link for Lynne. She thinks if we all send out some links to her post about the high chair then the baby trend company might actually start answering her phone calls. Of course, you never know with stores like baby trend. Word out.

Note to Self

When one is seriously depressed, one should not take "calming" agents. Last week I took some tea which "calms, soothes and relaxes." I was severely depressed due to some new developments in my divorce and was overwhelmed with my job. I thought that some emotional "soothing" would be nice. It didn't occur to me at the time that calm = downer. I was at work when I discovered this nifty little fact. Within a few minutes of starting my tea I felt the relaxing effect wash over me. This rapidly proceeded to drag me into a state of "calm" which left me completely defenseless to my depression. I ended up sitting at my desk just staring at my computer screen; not working or playing, just staring. I was handed edits to the newspaper (which was to be published the following day) and still I remained staring at my computer. Every once in awhile I would glance over at the growing pile of edits and think to myself, "If I quit right now I can go home and sleep the rest of the day." After nearly an hour of this it occured to me that my tea may have had something to do with my new found fascination with my monitor. After some an immense feat of willpower and caffeine, I made the edits and the got the paper out on time. Now calming agents are off-limits to me until I get to a more stable place emotionally.

Going Down

Valette will be graciously moving my site to a new and better host, namely hers. This means my site may be down for a bit while she does this. We don't have a scheduled time or length. If you find that the site is down and you are missing your dose of cynical, divaesque, or sexually inappropriate ramblings, just toss me an e-mail and I'd be happy to provide you with a specifically tailored reply.

Compliments of the Chef

After two hours of cooking, the menu for the week (and beyond) is:

Carribean Jerk Chicken with broccoli, cauliflower & carrots
Chicken Teriyaki with Pineapple and an asian vegetable blend
Chicken Fajitas with bell peppers, onion, beans, and rice
Thai Green Curry with beef, rice and an asian vegetable blend

For drinks we have:

African Redbush Peach iced tea
White Grape/Pear juice
Orange/Carrot juice made from freshly juiced carrots

In total, I ended up with 15 meal servings and 2 gallons of drinks.

All the Better to See You With

Today my mother and I washed, peeled and juiced 5 gallons of delicious home grown carrots. It produced a little over a gallon of juice. We froze over half of it and mixed the rest with orange juice for an amazing drink. Sobe ain't got nothing on us.

P.S. She still has nearly 10 gallons of carrots which we (which will probably end up being "her") will chop, slice, and dice to be frozen for later use.

And Our Font Recognition Winner is...

An extra special prize to anyone who can correctly identify both fonts used in the above image: any one font set from fontdiner.com. No joke; I am now paying you to care. Get to recognizin'.

...and just in case no one is up to this challenge, here's some eye candy for my fellow typophiles (look, but don't touch). Consider it a preemptive consolation prize.

Pencils Down

How well do you think you could look at a newspaper full of a variety of fonts and be able to identify each font by name? That is what I did today. Something happened to the font manager on my system and, basically, it stopped managing. That's right, my system has achieved font anarchy. None of my fonts were showing. Quark wasn't smart enough to tell me the name of the missing fonts so I had to test my font recognition skills while sorting through the thousand fonts in our files. Surprisingly I was able to recognize most of them without too much effort. Still, with a 28 page newspaper filled with ads... I was fixing my font problem most of the morning.

Here's a quick pop-quiz. Name the following fonts:

Mad Skillz

While building a bonfire at the beach yesterday in honor of my sister, a guy comes by. He wants to know what I'm doing and then offered to help keep the fire going (the wood was wet and the wind was strong). We ended up sitting around a nice fire for about 2 hours talking about everything under the sun. It was a lot of fun getting to know someone new and having zero complexity/commitment to muddy things up. He's in town for the next year so I may see him again, though I kinda think it'll be a one time, love-'em-and-leave-'em, thing. I was not only comfortable with having this guy join me, but I was thrilled at the opportunity to get to know someone new. It actually turned out to be a perfect, God-sent situation cause I was able to talk about my sister's death, my divorce and tons of other crap. It was a healing time.

When this guy walked up I'm like, "Cool. God sent someone to spend this time with me." It was a sort of freaky optimism that doesn't come naturally to me with all that's going on in my life. God's doing something in me. I'm totally developing some mad social skills. Next thing you know I'll start saying hello to people at the grocery store and helping old ladies cross the street. Will the madness never end!?

2 Years of Sorrow

Melissa, thanks for being such a cool part of my life.

You always gave me an excuse to be child-like and to let loose.

You are a beautiful, special person.

You will always be missed.

Your big brother,
Damon

Color Me Social

While at lunch an older gentlemen asked to sit with me since there were no other seats open. He didn't seem to expect conversation, but I conversed nevertheless. I found out that he knows my family, has lived in Fairbanks, and has lived in Homer since the 50s. We had a nice visit. After he left a couple at the next table began to ask me a few questions since they overheard that I was born and raised in Homer. They were from North Carolina and just finished a week of camping across the bay. I invited them to sit with me and we chatted for about 15 minutes. They were really pleasant people and I had a good time getting to know them. All in all my lunch hour was filled with stepping outside my social comfort zone and meeting some colorful people. I feel energized.

Annoying Co-workers

Nod and smile.

The Continuing Saga

Today I told my boss how overwhelmed I was with trying to get everything done on the paper. This came up because she wanted me to start working on a special insert (i.e. 8 additional pages of layout) which would go out at the end of the month. I told her that I couldn't do it, that I was overworked as it was, and that the job is way too stressful. Surprisingly she was concerned and offered several good solutions to lessen my load. She did confirm that things will always be tweaked and fixed up to deadline no matter how far "ahead" the layout might be. She also said that I was doing a very good job and am much further along than previous new production staff at this point. While I still wonder if the stress will ever get to a manageable level, I did get the affirmation that I've been needing in this position. Praise God for that totally perfect gift.

Gastrointestinal System Goes on Strike; News at 11 (and 12, and 1...)

My gastrointestinal system has been protesting my eating habits as of late. For some odd reason it hasn't been enjoying corn dogs for breakfast, french fries for lunch, and egg rolls & chips for dinner. Go figure. It's not that I don't enjoy eating healthy. With my current depression I'm not only craving comfort foods, but I pretty much limit my food prep time/energy to the 5 minutes it takes to heat up a frozen meal. Today I decided to do something about this. I went grocery shopping and then came home to do a butt load of cooking. I made beef teriyaki with stir fry veggies and pineapple; lemon pepper chicken with bell peppers, onions and carrots; and burritos with seasoned hamburger, bell peppers, onions and refried beans. After three hours of cooking I ended up with 14 very tasty and very healthy meals which are nicely frozen awaiting my quick microwave treatment. Now my only barrier is craving comfort foods...

Investment Into Solitude

I went garage saling today. I got an old microwave, a nearly new (and very nice) electric skillet, an oversized square down pillow, a 20-cd case, and some over-the-door clothes hooks all for a grand total of $24. I'm pleased. If I get some utensils I could actually do most of my cooking/eating in the basement and see other human beings even less. It's a pretty good plan except for the whole wallowing in depression bit. Ah well. Even plan has it's snags.

The Power of a Phrase

Simply having typed "douche bag of an inebriated dog" helped lighten my mood. I'm in much better spirits at the end of the day. I can't imagine the impact that saying it would have had. I'll have to try it next time.

It's a Small World After All

I just discovered that Lincoln Brewster, an awesome worship leader/songwriter whom I have admired for years, was born in Fairbanks and grew up in Homer. He's a year older than I am so we must have been living in Homer at the same time.

Since the song clips on his site seem to be missing, check out WorshipMusic.com if you want to hear some of his stuff.

While I don't think I've heard much of his music in churches or on the radio, he has a passionate rock style that I think is amazing. I'm just blown away that he grew up in this humble town.

Addition: It turns out that my oldest brother knew Lincoln and remarked that he was an awesome guitarist. Too weird.

Totally Swank

I just got back from my concert. There were a whopping 11 people there, which actually made for a really great intimate setting. I enjoyed myself and felt that I could really get into the music. Everyone seemed to enjoy it as well and were very fascinated by the whole improvisational approach. Nearly everyone had questions or comments regarding the emotion and spontaneity of the music. They confirmed that this type of music which is a means of therapy for myself, is also a means of therapy for others. All in all it was an affirming and inspiring concert for me. On top of that I made nearly $100 between cd sales and my portion of ticket sales. While I offered to do this before I knew I would get paid, it is a nice addition to the already great event. Hopefully I can begin building a bit of a reputation in this small town and have even more people at my next event.

Oh, to be Cupped in Your Sweet Care

I saw my acupuncturist today. She cupped me. She even promised to cup me again next week.

Just a Flesh Wound

Well, I survived an entire week at my new job. The paper went to press today, though my boss had to help with a lot of the layout to get it done (nearly two hours after deadline). I've now experienced all the basic responsibilities of my position. That feels good and once I get better settled in I think I'm going to be able to keep up.

At the moment... I'm completely exhausted. This morning, there were reporters still writing articles and ads changes still coming in. Evidently I'm the focus of all chaos on deadline day which is freakin' great when you have tons of work do. Everyone was calling out to me to fix this article and find this photo and change that headline. "Do you have that page printed for me yet?" Fortunately everyone was very understanding and helpful with the myriad of crises flying around. I worked fervently from 8am to 1:30pm before I got a break. I was given an hour lunch while my boss took over. By the time I got back the finishing touches were fairly brainless. The paper was finished at 3:30pm. I stayed till 5pm working on some easier stuff. After 9 hours of non-stop work yesterday and an insane 8 hours today, I'm completely spent.

I'm soooo not looking forward to starting the whole process again tomorrow. I hope this gets easier. Please, God, let this get easier.

Work It

I'm giving a concert next week at the Bunnell Street Gallery. You are all invited. The one hour concert will feature the same sort of new age improvisational music that is on the cd I put out last year. I offered to create a flyer for the event, but was without any suitable photos of myself so... my mom agreed to help me with a photo shoot. We took pictures all over the yard, deck, and house. We both had fun being creative with poses and locations. In the end we got a couple awesome shots. Here are two of them. I used the one on the right for the flyer.

Learning Curves

I started my new job today. I only worked a little over half a day but I'm still very tired. My biggest frustration was learning Quark Xpress, the program of choice at the newspaper. The functions are generally the same as PageMaker, but the way you go about them is different enough to make me want to pull out my hair. On the up side, I'm glad to gain experience with this program to round out my resume.

I'm working on an eMac G4 with less than 400 megs of ram. Several of the programs are out of date as well. I'm told that Photoshop CS will be installed soon, but currently I'm running 5.5. I'm running Quark 4.5 even though 6.1 is now out. I suppose I can't expect a small town paper to have the latest technology, but I can certainly dream.

One of the perks of my job: I and a guest get to go to the movie theatre for free as often as I want. While I'm very excited at this benefit, I feel it necessary to inform you that Homer has a tiny, dirty, one screen, second (or maybe third) run theatre. Still, it's a benefit of which I will definitely take advantage.

The office seems very casual and friendly. I didn't have a chance to get to know anyone as I was consumed with trying to figure stuff out. In time I could see enjoying the personal atmosphere. In addition, my schedule is very flexible. I can come in at 9am or 8am or 10am as I see fit. As long as things are done by deadlines, it's all good. For now I'm going to try to maintain an 8-5 schedule.

The 28 page weekly newspaper seems managable, though these first few weeks are going to be a major stress. I didn't do much today other than poke around my computer, start learning Quark, and lay out a few ads. Since the paper comes out on Wednesdays, that is the lightest day of the week. I hear everything gets crazier and crazier up until Tuesday at 2pm. I can't wait...

Fearless Color and Texture

How does one ensure that a floral print pillow on a man's bed doesn't stand out?
Pair it with a hot pink pillow, of course.

These are some pillow cases I made this week. The "raspberry" color is a satin and absolutely delicious to sleep on. This fabric was a garage sale find. The other two have a suede-like finish and are equally luxurious. Both those fabrics came from Wal-Mart.

Changes

Today would have made 13 years. Please say a prayer for "k" and I today.

Grumble, Grumble

So I finally came to the conclusion that I was not going to be able to make a living doing Graphic Design. I'd applied for positions in Fairbanks, in Washington, and around the U.S. There seemed to be very few jobs available and tons of people applying. I moved to Homer for a period of emotional support and figured I'd likely end up working as a grocery bagger or something because the job market is especially slim here. While I did drop off my resume at the 4 places in town that actually use graphic designers I never expected anything to come through...

Well, I just accepted a position at one of the two local newspapers. I will be laying out the entire weekly newspaper. The job is full-time, pays well, and I'll be working with some Christian people. The fact that I was able to get a full-time graphic design position in Homer, of all places, is truly miraculous. I'm blown away by this gift from God. Even if the job isn't "all that," I will be making good money doing something I love. It's really humbling that God is looking out for me this much. God, you rock.

Refuge Chapel

Wow. I just checked out a new church today. It was mostly people in their 20s & 30s, very casual, and very passionate about God. There were multiple pastors and no singular dominant leader which totally jives with what the Bible says. The worship band was very good and played a sort of modern rock style. They were very open to God moving in supernatural ways, but not holier-than-thou about it. The people were very genuine and honestly seeking God. There were paintings and stained glass and other decorations all over the walls which is the type of promoting the arts that I've been wanting in a church. I definitely wasn't out of place with my spikey/tossled hair, my jewelry, or my tie-dyed tank top. I didn't have much of a chance to talk to the people, but everything else was amazing. I'm definitely going next week to find out more.

Bait and Switch

I went to the bead store to get the things I needed to fix one of my necklaces. While there I discovered some amazing teal beads which I simply had to find a use for. This lead to me going to another craft store to find just the right matching beads. The perfect beads (the silver cylinders with black stripes) were in a pack with several other beads which I decided to also put to use (lower bracelet). Two hours later I've spent way more than expected and came home with beading project on my hands. Here are the results of my impulse purchase and an afternoon of work.

Complimentary Encounter

My oldest niece, Taylor, stayed at my mom's house last night. She's 10, but is more intelligent and mature than most 14 year olds. We hung out for a while last night while I unpacked from my road trip. We found we like a lot of the same music and we both value being unique. Throughout the evening she was a huge boost to my ego. She told me that she thought that some guys (namely me) could be good at fashion and decorating without being gay. A very amusing observation, but a huge compliment from a 10 year old. She also said several other things which were major affirmations to me. Here are the two that complimented me the most:

Taylor: "You talk to me like a real person. Most adults don't do that."

------

Taylor: "You are like 10 years older than me."
Me: "Actually it's more like 20 years. I'm 32 years old."
Taylor: "Well, you don't act that old. You're young at heart."

Grow Up

Having ranted about best friends I thought it only fitting to talk about the people that I consider my best friends. Now when I was younger a "best friend" was a lofty title, only to be awarded to one individual. This title could rotate depending on who didn't make fun of you in gym, but it could only be held by one person at a time.

As an adult I find that it would be impossible for me to narrow things down to the one ultimate friendship in my life. I currently have three best friends and, yes, I realize how amazingly blessed I am and how rare these type of friendships are. One is the perfect person to go to when I'm depressed or need to vent. Another is the best for when I'm in a partying or in a silly mood. The third is great for the more philosophical or adventurous things. While I can be depressed or silly or philosophical with all of these people, they each fulfill those needs in different doses.

I consider a best friend the type of person with whom you can be horribly honest and with whom you don't have to work to have a good time. The true sign of a best friend is when sitting around doing nothing is just as enjoyable as going to an event together.

I've been visiting one of my best friends for the past 5 days. Today I leave and I will miss her. It sucks that I can't have all my best friends in one place... of course, with all their differences, they'd probably all end up killing each other. Yeah, on second hand, better for them to stay in their own little corners of the globe.

I Am My Own Rainbow

I totally believe in the power of positive thinking. I don't see it as some mystical pat answer, but I think that if you expect good things, they are more likely to turn out that way. I think it has to do with the subtle, subconcious things we do to bring about change in our lives. If I believe that I will be successful in a new career I will likely ooze that positive vibe into every action and interaction. I will talk with people like I'm successful, they will see me that way, treat me that way, and in turn help me become that way. It's all very esoteric, I know, but I think it makes a huge difference in our lives.

No Vacancy

Dude, my social calendar has been packed since I've been up in Fairbanks. I've gone non-stop to get in all the sites, errands, visits, and events. I guess visiting a place in which I lived for 14 years will do that to you. Thankfully I've seen everyone I wanted to see and I've done all I wanted to do. Now I move the marathon to Anchorage for a few days before returning to Homer. Since I've been an unemployed bum for 3 months now, I suppose I shouldn't complain too much about the "work" that has been my road trip.

New Hotness

I just found out that my brother-in-law and his wife are expecting their second child, due next April! Congratulations to them, even if I did have to hear about their efforts.

Surfing the State

Tonight I arrived in Fairbanks and am staying with Valette. Last night I visited Lady Bossco and I will probably see Joat sometime in the next few days. Now I just need to swing by to see Lynne on my way home and I'll have covered my main blogging family.

Puncture

I went to a new acupuncturist today and I'm amazed at how differently each practitioner approaches the procedure. The lady today tapped all the needs into place. And when I say tap, I actually mean that she thumped the hell out of them. I believe that her motto is: thump, tweak, twist, and tap until the client feels like you've attached jumper cables directly to a frayed nerve ending.

"CLEAR!" <ziiing>
"We've got no pulse doctor."
"Turn up the juice. We're going to try again..."

Wade On

It was hot and gorgeously sunny today. I went to the beach and went wading. Wading for me involves standing in water up to my armpits. It's not what most people call wading, but since there is no flailing of limbs it really can't be called swimming. Standing in the water, soaking up the sun, listening to the calming sound of the ocean, and enjoying the view of the amazing moutain range across the bay was blissful. After I got out I sat on a driftwood log while I dried off and baked some more in the warm sun. This was followed up by laying on a smooth bed of sun heated stones. The entire venture was like a dream day at the spa without the triple digit cost or the snobby people handing you herbal towelettes.

Big Fat Hairy Deal

I spent the day with my aunt the hair dresser. We went to a hair show in Kenai which involved tons of funky colors, cuts, techniques, and styles. I'm considering beauty school as a new career option and this trip was a sampling of that world to help me make up my mind. I had such a good time. I learned a lot and loved seeing all the possibilities. I definitely have more than just a passing interest in hair and think I would thoroughly enjoy learning all the details of the biz. What I don't know is if I want to commit to the 1-2 years of schooling. Whilst I contemplate that option I'm tentatively signed up to be a hair model at the October hair show in Anchorage. I love the idea of having some funky new cut and color demonstrated on my head. It'd definitely fill that creative need for change and give me a reason to try some wild stuff that I may never choose on my own. Besides that, everyone would be looking at me. I really can never get enough of that.

Does This Shampoo Make My Butt Look Big?

A friend and I went to Soldotna today which has much better shopping than Homer. We spent probably an hour in the beauty care isle discussing which products were best suited our hair and complexion. We left the store with a basket filled all kinds of conditioning, cleansing, and scrubbing goodness.

We are soooo not your typical males.

Tree Fort Upgrade

A friend and I built a lot of tree forts growing up. We considered ourselves quite the industrious little builders. Well this week we are helping his mom build a shed. It's a major step up from working with the scraps we found laying around the yard and this time we get to use power tools. They framed in the floor last night. Tonight I had fun helping them finish that up and build two walls. I'm kinda sad that this will be done by the weekend. I may have to find more such projects to keep myself busy.

And the Winner Is...

Valette came down to Homer this weekend to 'cheer me up.' It turns out my depression is stronger than her cheeriness as I'm dragging her down with me. Oh yeah. Who's the man?

Slow Boat Got an Upgrade

I shipped boxes from Washington via Media Mail & Parcel Post. These are quoted to take 3-4 weeks to Alaska. I got all but one of them today, 10 calendar days after they were mailed and 2 weeks sooner than I was expecting.

Existence

On the Path

I made it to Alaska in a surreal state of shock and depression. I spent two days in Anchorage visiting my godson and his family as well as my brother's family. That was all really great. Ron, my childhood friend, drove me down to Homer today. We had an awesome time shopping, driving, and talking. It was so awesome to get to spend so much time with him after years of living in different parts of the country. I'm kinda like a giddy school girl with the thought of getting to spend so much time with him now that we are both, miraculously, living in Homer. Driving into Homer was odd and I couldn't bring myself to accept that this was going to be home for awhile. Getting to my parents' house was equally odd, but refreshingly familiar. My mom and I chatted for a few hours. She is so amazingly wise and wonderful. I'm going to love being close to her again. Through conversations with her and others I feel very confirmed that this is were I'm supposed to be right now. That is very helpful. While I'm definitely depressed, I don't think the full reality of the separation has really hit me yet. The next few weeks should prove interesting as I'm sure I'll find a whole gamut of emotions to wade through. Fortunately I can take it easy and be good to myself.

So It Begins

Tomorrow I leave. I leave with a lot of sadness, guilt, and uncertainty. I'll be living in my home town for awhile. It'll be interesting to see if I hate living there as much as I have thought for so many years. My best friend is living there at the moment so that will be awesome. It also puts me closer to my sister again, though I fear not close enough. I'll get to see my mom as often as I want and I get to be on the ocean once again. I pray this is the right decision and that this time in my home town will be a time of healing and perspective.

Things I've Learned

All of my earthly possessions fit into 13 boxes and 4 of those are just my piano keyboard & accessories.

1.5 cubic feet of books weigh about 60lbs.

3 cubic feet of books is just a bad idea.

A Day With the Girls

Today I watched my baby niece while I highlighted my mother-in-law's hair and mine as well. It was a lot of fun.

Present Tense

After nearly 13 years of marriage, my wife and I are separating. I was the one to make the decision, yet I am still deeply mourning the loss. I will miss her sense of humor, her avid support of my artistic endeavors, her rationale to help me think through things... We've had some amazing memories that I will always cherish. I wish her the very best; she deserves it. I don't yet have a plan for my future, but the present is filled with much sadness, grief, stress, and guilt.

Chilling Therapy

You know what's reeeeally tasty? A homemade triple berry, banana, chocolate smoothie.

You know what's even better? Two of them.

Woo-Woo

Phallic (male) symbols are everywhere. Towers, poles, swords, etc. I've heard complaints from women that there simply aren't enough female symbols. Well, it is admittedly more difficult to create something in the shape of a vagina, but I was sure there were those symbols around. Over the years I've found a few (that didn't vibrate or inflate) and tonight I found another. The big alien ship in The Abyss is covered with vaginal symbols. This photo shows one of the structures and similar shapes cover the surface of the ship. The vaginal reference was even more obvious when our main character glides into the long, curvacious tunnel (also covered with these shapes) to meet the aliens. The reference seemed blatant once I noticed and made me wonder what the designer was trying to communicate. Mother earth? Nurturing? Compassion? Gentleness?

That Can't Be Good

"I give this whole thing a sphincter factor of about 9.5.''
—from The Abyss

FYI

Warning signs of heat exhaustion include the following:

Heavy sweating
Paleness
Tiredness
Weakness
Dizziness
Headache
Nausea or vomiting

Heat exhaustion may occur when individuals from cool climates take long walks when it's 96°F.

Name Game

My name spelled backwards is nomad, making me a wanderer. My initials spell dam which also makes me a dike. All total, I'm the wandering dike. Anything interesting going on with your name?

Ministering to the Future

I just ran across an article I wrote on the forms of worship a few years back. It was really refreshing to read and to remember the passion I put into that. It actually helped dampen a bit of my angst towards the organization of church.

Today

Zoinks!

This building sits in the middle of an otherwise populated road filled with lots of short, modern buildings and businesses. It totally doesn't fit it's surroundings. It seems like some haunted factory that belongs in a Scooby-Doo episode. It even has the mandatory ladder to the roof.

Wetness is the Essence of Beauty

the pool on the premises

Use It Before You Lose It

?Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming,

?WOW! What a ride!?

// my personal research assistant: lynne - via dawn - via an unknown friend - via this thing that we call life //

Cable Bridge

The "Cable Bridge" which crosses the river into Pasco is one of two bridges in the area. The "Blue Bridge" is, well, blue and not really worth your attention.

Shake It Off

Our first night in desert country; shaking off the last bits of the frozen north.

Animal Kingdom

Driving through Canada we saw lots of wildlife. We saw bear, caribou, fox, buffalo, and stone sheep. The stone sheep was reeeeeally close to the car when I took these pictures. I was told k to have her foot on the gas and floor it if the sheep started charging. It was an exciting little piece of our journey.

Stairway to Heaven

Our two little Shi Tzu dogs are having quite the difficulty getting into our new bed. It's over a foot taller than our last bed and more than once I've seen the strained face of a dog appear at the end of the bed accompanied by desperate clawing sounds before hearing a thud as they disappear to the floor once again. Glory, our chunky dog, gave up even trying and would whine pathetically to be hoisted up. After searching for some sort of hope chest that could serve as a step onto the bed we realized that we weren't willing to spend $100 just so our dogs could get into bed. Screw that. We went to Home Depot, bought three cement blocks, and created a little stairway. Our dogs are thrilled beyond belief.

Hair Color Trends

It was called "medium ash blonde" on the box. No joke. I'm not sure how is shows on your screen, but it turned out to be a dull copper color then I put in faint white highlights. It's not what I was going for, but I like it.

I'll Take One of Those...

I started church shopping today. The first church I visited... rocked. The atmosphere was the relaxed, non-churchy type of thing which I've been wanting. The music was good, people were friendly, worship was open... The service was a little over 2 hours long, but I didn't feel restless at all. Praise God giving me a great first visit. I'm already looking forward to going again next week.

Super Size Me

I want to see this. Too bad it's not playing at a theatre near me.

Canadian Majesty

I finally got my camera (and software) connected to my computer so... bring on the pictures.

I Can Make a Difference

Pixilated: adj 1: naughtily or annoyingly playful

Planned Coincidence

This morning I took a skills test for a clerical job which I don't really want, but applied to for the money and cause God told me to apply for everything. I go to the test out of obedience and an attempt at trusting that God knows what he's doing. In the midst of the test a call came through to voice mail inviting me to my first interview in this area. And it's for a graphic design job at a company that will likely have awesome benefits and good pay. I'm excited that I am being considered for the position. They want someone who has a degree in graphic design so I wasn't even sure if I should apply in the first place. It's also interesting that the call came through while I was obediently pursuing a job I didn't want. To add to the morning's coincidences Valette prayed just this morning that God would provide a job for me. Hm. Odd how these random events coincide...

Run Screaming

So now that we've talked about movie genres for which we are suckers, let's talk about things that will cause you to run from the theater. I'm not thinking so much about genres, because if it good enough I might even enjoy a war film (though the chances are slim to none), but there are a few things that will make me turn a movie off. I simply cannot watch people being emotionally or sexually abused. I will turn a movie off in a rage of anger and storm about the house for a good half hour before I'm able to think straight again. I also can't tolerate stiff, incompetent acting no matter how good the script or cinematography. Not only will I not give the movie a decent chance, but I'll bitch about it for weeks afterwards. What gets you on your feet and out the door when it comes to movies?

Aaaaarrrrrgh!!

Our stuff arrived today, apparently in the correct number of pieces. This should be exciting, but I'm currently swimming in a sea of boxes and I have no idea where anything is going to go. Overwhelmed much?

What's Your Poison?

What genre of movie are you a sucker for? What type of movie will you choose to see and mostly likely enjoy no matter how terrible the writing, acting, story, or effects might be? What genre do you enjoy enough to put up with what is sometimes horrific quality. K is a sucker for dance movies. I, myself, am a sucker for superhero movies. What are you a sucker for?

The Fork

Like a Scary Movie

[WARNING: The following may not be appropriate for small children or those who are easily spooked]

After chatting with the good folks at comic shop number two yesterday it has been confirmed that we've moved to an area based in agriculture, government, and middle age conservatism. <gasp> There is only one rock radio station, most vehicles are practical sedans, there is no progressive medicine, there is very little in the way of entertainment, I've only found one coffee shop, and independent comics just don't sell!!!!! I guess a titty bar only lasted two weeks in Kennewick before it was run out of town (not that I'd go to a titty bar, but where have all the good heathens gone?). I'm living in a horrific nightmare! One of the main reasons I moved was to feel more comfortable being my artistic self. Now I'm thinking the locals will show up at my door any day now wielding torches and pitchforks...

Holistically Impaired

There appears to be only one naturopathic doctor in the entire Tri-Cities area and no holisitic clinics. There are several acupuncturists and massage therapists, but that's it. Fortunately we do have a pretty good health food/supplement store, but basically I'm on my own.

Comically Challenged

There are three comic stores in the Tri-Cities area:

Comic Shop #1 - "new" comics are weeks old plus they only carry the small small handful of titles that I could find at Fred Meyers
Comic Shop #2 - very small. carries most of the comics I want, but doesn't order very many so "get here early"
Comic Shop #3 - tiiiiny. everything is stacked above head level. there is one single file route through the store (no joke) with two little pull outs for changing directions. this place was like someone's storage shed. when asked if they were moving or something they told me that the mayhem was normal, but "we know where stuff is... mostly."

The MSM Miracle

I went to a health food store to look for supplements for my tendonitis. I was handed MSM (Methyl Sulfonyl Methane), an organic source of sulfur. Looking online it sounds like the wonder supplement. It will supposedly benefit my tendonitis, my allergies, my acne, and a whole lot more. The person who helped me said he's personally used it for tendonitis with awesome results. I'm going to do a bit more research, but I'm excited about the potential benefits.

Butch

So my best friend, Ron, likes to camp. He has been living in Southern California for several years now and I guess camping is quite the oddity down there. Not only does Ron like to camp, but he's willing to go a day or two without a shower or a change of clothes. <gasp!> Because of his rugged ways Ron is considered by his California friends to be butch. No lie. He has been labeled as one butch dude. Now if you know Ron you know how hysterically funny that is. Ron's hairy which favors the butch vote, but he's of an average build and doesn't wear leather or sport tattoos. On a camping trip Ron brings hair gel. Hair gel. That right there cancels any butch argument you could throw at me. Besides that he camps in a huge tent with a remote controlled dome light, a queen size inflatable pillow top mattress with fitted and flat sheets, a nice camp stove, and a propane powered bug zapper. If that isn't enough to convince you... his standard camping meal is teriyaki beef kabobs and gourmet hot chocolate. Camping with him is luxurious enough to make me want to do it more often (and that's saying a lot).

Butch my ass.

Trusty SUV

After we got the keys to our new apartment we needed at least a bed before we could sleep there. We called on some beds in The Giant Nickel and bought the first bed we looked at. The guy also had a couch and recliner chair we wanted. We got the king size mattress, box springs, couch, and chair all for $400. Transporting the stuff with our suv was quite the adventure. First we strapped the box springs and mattress on the top and put the chair in the back. Driving home was interesting because apparently the Tri-Cities gets a lot of wind. We tried the freeway but the car was jerked all over the road as the mattress & box springs threatened to take flight. After a bit of back road travel we got them home. The couch came home strapped to the top of the car as well. That was much more stable and the freeway was no problem. I have to say that I'm totally impressed with what we were able to haul on our Honda Passport.

Our New Pad

We got moved into our new apartment on Saturday. It is a one story, two bedroom place that's about 800 sq ft. It's a town house style so no one is above or below us. We have neighbors on both sides and on the back though we've not yet heard any noise through the walls. Besides the usual applicances we have a dishwasher, full sized washer & dryer, and air conditioner. There is a semi-private little patio area out front. We face the road with about 60 ft of grass & fence between. The road noise is minimal. The apartment mangement (it's a large complex of small housing units) pays for water, sewer, and garbage. On the premises is a pool with hot tub and a small excercise area. Having a pool makes me feel all rich and crap, but I guess pools are pretty common with apartments in the area.

Our belongs have yet to arrive from Fairbanks. They estimate that we should get it the end of this week. Once I get that I'll be able to download photos and show you our new place and some of the area. Until then: use your imagination.

Fin-a-frickin'-ly

After an excruciating week of just staring at my new computer, still in it's boxes, I was finally able to set it up. This means we got into our new apartment, but I'll share more on that later. My computer (see the specs) rocks. Well, it at least rocks in the sense that, well, it's turned on. I haven't had a chance to do much with it yet and all my high-powered graphics software is still in transit from Fairbanks.

My 17" flat panel LCD monitor seems to be really nice. The colors are very bright. I haven't begun to tweak any of the settings. The unfortunate thing about my monitor is that it came with only one sentence of set-up information which was basically 'plug the monitor into the computer.' What it didn't say is that I'm not supposed to plug in both cables (video & DVI) coming from the monitor, but just one... of my choosing I guess. It also didn't say that there are two separate power switches (which makes sooooo much sense, naturally). You'd hate to accidentally turn on the power without an entire ritual of reverence to the Samsung gods now would you? After a day and a half of thinking my monitor was broken, and going through many levels of technical support... I got the right combination of cables and buttons. It works. I'm happy.

Now I can surf the internet, post on my blog, find jobs, and work on resumes without the in-laws hovering and trying ever so diligently to make me feel loved. Sadly my printer won't be here for awhile so I'll still have to go to their place to print. I can handle that... I think.

Burt's Bees

I'm feeling a little silly cause I've known about Burt's Bees lip balm for years. I have friends that swear by the stuff. You would assume that I've tried the stuff. That's what I assumed. I don't know what I had presumed to conclude about it, but I've not been using the stuff. Yesterday I bought some because it reminded me of my friends and oh my frickin' word; it was pure bliss. I was honestly in shock at how awesome this stuff felt on my lips. I can't believe that I never tried this before. If you are also a Burt's Bees virgin I urge you to slip some in today.

Now, my Burt's Bees and me are going out on the town...

Sizing Up

So our drive to Richland was about 2,500 miles (about 4000 kilometers). It took us 6 days which averages to about 400 miles per day. Since the roads were so awesome that made for a pretty light, relaxing schedule. We didn't hit the road till around 11am or later each day. We got in generally between 6pm & 7pm. While we could have pushed it more, I was very glad for the mini vacation. It makes me want to do more road trips. Fortunately I'm finally in a part of the country where road trips can be something other than taking the one road to get to the one city in the one state that is has gotten old on more than one occasion.

In other news gas prices through Canada averaged about $.98/liter which comes to about $3.4/gallon in American currency. Ouch! Also, gas smells differently both in Canada and in Washington than it did in Alaska. I used to be a sucker for the smell of gas, but this stuff is damn nasty. What is up with that? Isn't gas just gas? I even smell the difference from the gas can we filled in Fairbanks and what we are pumping down here so it's not just a climate thing. Is it just me or is there some reason for this?

Fixed

While one should really end a fast gradually, I've just gorged myself on several hours of the internet. Pleasantly stuffed I can now drift off into blissful sleep.

The Blenderator

A useful tool that appeals to the color whore in all of us. It is all of us isn't it? Not just me...? Right?

// my personal research assistant: valette //

Getting to Know You...

My in-laws got back from their concert and we chatted for awhile. It was actually nice and I felt comfortable with the conversation. Right before everyone parted for sleep my father-in-law bares his torso to me so I can see the scar from his recent gall bladder surgery. There was no warning and since he was wearing a snap up shirt (creepy in and of itself) there was literally no time to prepare myself. My own father did the same thing to me only a few weeks back after his shoulder surgery though he was wearing a buttoned shirt at the time (which is not to imply that he has a better sense of style than my father-in-law or really any sense of style for that matter).

What is with this? Why do men feel such a strong need to show off their scars that they lose any sense of propriety? Medical stuff makes me queasy. Combine that with the unexpected peep show and I'm seriously going to lose my cookies.

Unlike most humans in my gender pool I don't have a scar fetish. Don't show them to me. I don't want to know.

Making an Entrance

We've arrived in Richland two days ahead of schedule! I'll take time over the next week or so to give details of our trip, but for now know that it was awesome. It was a six day vacation of resting, regathering our sanity, and reconnecting with each other.

We hit Richland about 6pm. K's parents weren't here as they were going to a concert this evening so we explored a bit while we waited for their neighbor to get home to let us in. Our first official stop in our new town of residence: Barnes & Noble. Oh yeah. Driving through Washington we were in near fits of orgasm as we saw dozens of restaurants that we had been denied living in Fairbanks. This is going to be good. I'm already glad that we are here.

My first half hour on-line after a week's deprivation: deleting 30 spam comments. My apologies to those with erectile dysfunction or weight loss problems. You'll have to find your bling-bling somewhere else.

Hiatus

K and I hit the road tomorrow. We'll be out of touch for over a week. Be good while I'm away.

Modular Furniture

Here is represented one of the 13 units of our ever versatile modular furniture set. Sadly we broke up the set as we gave 7 to my sister. This makes me sad. I guess I'm not quite the big city boy that I pretend to be. (hick)

Last Days

On the calendar at work is a sad, but touching sentiment from my coworkers:

But upon closer reflection...

keep reading...

Road Bands

As a treat to ourselves and in an effort to make our week long road trip more interesting, K and I bought a bunch of new cds:

Smoldering Passions

Last night I did my whole little purging ceremony. I gathered firewood and made a fire. I went through my quite hefty stack of letters to people with whom I needed to let go of anger and hurt, read them and threw them in the fire. The focus of the whole event was forgiveness. It was quite empowering to offer forgiveness and clearing of any debt I felt each person owed me. I finally feel freed from those offenses. I had never realized how beneficial forgiveness was to the person offering it. It makes me want to get to the place of forgiveness more quickly in the future. Forgiveness: the new drug.

I also threw into the fire things which I needed to submit to God. From little pleasures like reading comics to huge concerns like K's anxiety. I want to be and do what God wants. That may mean that things aren't fun or fair or what I would choose, but it means that I'm with God 100%. Since he's the dude with all the resource, insight, and power I want to be on his side. I also know that things work out best with his plans even if the immediate path sucks. So, God, take me through the fire. I trust that you know what you're doing.

Red Hot Button

me gather wood, get hot. take off shirt. me make fire! fire make me feel manly. fire hot on belly. me no care. me get home and notice belly button burned bright red...

me snicker

Configure Me This

My new computer, which should be landing in Richland any day now:

Dell Dimmension 4600

Intel Pentium 4 Processor 2.8GHz w/ 533MHz FSB
1GB SDRAM
17" Samsung 173T Digital Flat Panel Display
128MB Graphics Card with TV-Out and DVI
80GB Hard Drive
3.5" Floppy Drive
8x DVD+RW Drive (48X CD-R)
Ethernet & 56K modem
Sound Blaster Live! 5.1 Sound Card with Dolby Digital 5.1 capacity
Dell A425 Speakers with Subwoofer
Microsoft Office Basic 2003
2 Year Warranty

All at 10% off regular price, thank you. Dell, I love you man!

Fondue Me

Valette got a fondue pot at Value Village the other night so we decided to make cheese fondue. We found a recipe that sounded right. In the process we found many other "fondue" recipes that were downright terrifying. Like a fondue made from cheddar cheese, tobasco, and worcestershire. Or a fondue made with lipton onion soup, tomato juice, and American cheese. There's also the age old fondue recipe that uses ground beef, pizza sauce, and onion.

I'm sorry, but cheese sauce is not the same thing as fondue. Fondue is like an art form deeply rooted in cultural history (I threw in that last bit to sound official; It's not like I actually did any fondue research). You can't just throw together some jalapenos and some melted monterey jack and call it a fondue. Fondue, in fact doesn't even have to be cheesy. You can also have chocolate fondue or hot oil fondue.

(basically, at this point I'm just trying to see how many times I can use the word fondue in one post.)

fondue

BTW, the fondue kicked butt. It was very expensive to make with the specialty cheeses, but it was nearly orgasmic.

fondue

(All but two sentences in this post included the word fondue with a grand total of 20 fondues. I'm sure I could made it 22 by stuffing fondues into those two bare sentences, but I wouldn't want to overdo it)

Eye Loop

When I look at this my eyes are drawn into this perpetual loop starting at the dark side, quickly moving to the light side, then jumping back to the dark side only to move across to the light side... It's like the image has no end point for my eyes. And I can't stop looking at it. It's not like the image looks animated to me, but like that image is animating my eyes. Does anyone else experience this? Am I the only one that can hear the voices?

Counting the Signs

The ministry and band which I led decided to dissolve (this decision, made mostly by myself, is what started the snowball which is God's desire for me to leave Alaska)
I lost a very important friendship with which I spent much of my time (leaving me with just one strong emotional tie in Fairbanks)
I was informed that after my student's recital in May, I would no longer be allowed to use the building where I teach piano
Selling much of our stuff on eBay and through classified ads brought in an amazing $3,000
Condo sold first day it was on the market for the price we were asking (bringing us a big profit)
Our moving sale "just to get rid of stuff" brought in a surprising $1,000
My truck sold the first day it was listed in the paper at the exact price I was asking
I was going to buy a Dell computer, then decided to go with an HP only to have major problems working with that company, ended up back at Dell where they were "coincidentally" having a one day only 10% sale making my new computer better equipped and cheaper than any other options

I don't know about you, but I get the impression that God is trying to tell me something. What could that possibly be?

I find it interesting that the beginning of the list involved a lot of pain. Then as we began to sell stuff it involved a lot of healthy purging and a feeling of freedom. Now I just feel that miraculous blessings are being heaped on us. I don't know God's plan for us out of Alaska, but the current trend would indicate that He's gonna totally take care of the details. Color me humbled.

Nothing Exactly

I find that my piano students have a difficult time with rests (places in the music where you don't play). Most have a very difficult time even acknowledging that a rest exists in the song. Even after I point out a rest, students seem to forget they are there. After a student sees the rest they seem to not be able to count for it. They will count fine up to the rest, wait a brief moment, then resume counting (where they had left off) on the note after the rest. They are confused at the fact that their counting gets off, but have a difficult time understanding how it happened.

I don't think that students are being lazy about rests. I just think that their brains can't make sense of these exact quantities of nothing. As students get into high school rests seem to become easier and fairly solid by the time they are adults. Is this due to introduction of more complex, theoretical math or some cognitive developmental thing? Being the concrete sequential that I am, I don't think I ever had difficulties with rests so I'm fascinated with this common problem. Any theories?

It's All About Context

"All I see is a little red prick."
–my brother-in-law

Figures to Drool Over

I got a new computer at work:

3Ghz Pentium 4 processor
1Gb Ram
80Gb hard drive
20" Monitor
DVD/CD drive
58x DVD-RW drive
Floppy drive
External 250 Zip Drive
20Gb external backup drive
Photoshop CS
InDesign CS (the new PageMaker)
Illustrator CS
Acrobat 6.0 Professional
Microsoft Office 2003

Bitterly, I'm leaving this job in just 3 weeks. InDesign, I hardly knew you.

Mecca of Better Living

Apparently Alaska is like the holy grail of places to live because I'm having random people insisting that I will absolutely hate living out of Alaska and will definitely be back, probably within the year. Now, by random people I'm talking about people that I don't know who just decide to that they know what is best for my life. Yesterday a complete stranger overheard me telling a friend that I was moving and he interrupts with this long disertation on how I'm going to be completely miserable out of the state and how there's no place as good as Alaska.

So is Alaska really the mecca of better living? I'm sorry, but if that's true then that is a very sad fact indeed. Don't get me wrong I love so many things about Alaska and it doesn't seem unlikely that I'd return someday, but I can't think that the millions of other people living out of state are just deluded.

So I'm hating that these meddling strangers are making me doubt what God has clearly orchestrated, but being the stubborn independent that I am it only makes me all the more determined to make it work.

Moving Woes

K and I are driving to Anchorage today to say goodbye to my family and our godson. While I'm excited to see everyone I'm not looking forward to beginning the painful process of saying goodbye.

Auto Audio

K and I are putting a cd player in her car for the long drive down to Washington. Of course, it's not your average cd player. It will play a cd, cd-r, cd-rw, or (drum roll please) an mp3 cd. Oh yeah. An mp3 player for the car. There will be no shortage of tunes on this trip. And while it's nothing special to look at... I think I'm in love.

Easy Come...

The teller at the bank came up with a $900 (not $1300) total for our moving sale receipts. I'm guessing that something got screwed up in my quick calculator tally. <sigh> I guess a total that merely doubled our expectations will just have to suffice.

How to Be a Millionaire

My last eBay auctions before my move completed today. I made another $450! All our online selling has brought in nearly $2500. Add the $1300 we got from the moving sale and the couple hundred from the classified ads and we've made about $4,000. While some of the things we sold are things that we definitely must replace, a lot of it is stuff that we can totally live without. Now we just have to sell my truck, my computer, and a set of studs (tires not love slaves) for k's car.

Our condo feels huge now. Sadly we have a month until we leave so we'll have to find creative ways to survive in this barren homeland.

Buttload

We just finished our moving sale. Everything was priced freakishly low because we just wanted to get rid of it. We expected to make a few hundred dollars. We made $1,300! That's more than a few hundred. And this after God tells me not to worry and to leave it all to him. I like the way God works.

On a Side Note

Some of my favorite bands are Delirious, Kutless, and Superchic[k]. I'm also rather fond of Jars of Clay, The Chris Tomlin Band, and Relient K.

Creation 04

Just 2 hours from our new place of residence... Guess where I'll be the end of July?

Exit Cue

So we sold the condo... to the first person to view it... on the first day it was on the market... for the price we were asking... with no caveats. Damn that was fast.

With how quickly this whole moving thing has progressed I get the sense that God is not only telling us "it's time for you to go," but that he's also saying, "don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Put Me Out of My Misery

I just spent all weekend packing, selling, mailing, cleaning, carrying, crouching, sprinting, answering, staining, painting, and rearranging. Our condo just went on the market and we had to get it ready to show. We worked literally all day Saturday and Sunday plus a lot of work each night the week before. I'm so freakin' sore and tired. I feel like laying my head down on my computer desk and taking a nice long nap, but my boss might take exception to paying me to sleep. Whatever...

Shock Factor

So my 75 eBay auctions brought in a grand total of $1,300!

The largest sale item was the mandolin that I bought at an auction for $50 because I thought it was pretty and would make for a nice decorative item. After 19 bids on eBay the mandolin sold for $205 to a person in Italy. Damn. Suddenly I'm wondering if I have Elvis' long lost mandolin or something. It makes me wonder what it was really worth.

My didge went for $88 to a guy in the UK. My 21 worship cds went for $80.

Have I mentioned that I'm in love with eBay?

Baggage and Grace

Besides leaving behind some of the reminders of negative experiences (see previous post) I've been actively seeking closure in those areas. I've made a list of people against whom I hold grudge, with whom I feel I have unresolved issues/pain , and places which still have some sort of emotional hold over me. I am writing each a letter expressing my frustration and offering my forgiveness. I won't mail these letters. Instead I'll build a bonfire, read a letter aloud, and then throw it into the fire. I've already written several of the letters and it's been amazing. Offering forgiveness as a matter of grace and not because someone has earned it is a tremendously powerful experience. It helps me understand God's grace just a little better.

Pack Your Bags

K and I are moving to Washington. That's right. We are finally leaving our Alaskan homeland. It's very exciting. I'm nervous about all the unknowns, but am much more excited about the adventure.

We've been selling tons of stuff and it's been a very freeing purging experience. I didn't know how good it would feel to let go of stuff that doesn't have a major importance in our lives. I feel very much like we're wiping the slate clean with regards to the small emotional baggage we've picked up over the years. I know our large personal issues will be traveling with us, but it's nice to be able to get away from things like that place I went off the road, that organization that screwed me over, that dream which was lost...

While the first 5-6 years in Fairbanks were very positive, the last 8-9 have had a lot of pain and frustration. Woah, we've been here 14 years. That's a long time. It's definitely time for a change.

Enough is Enough

Just because I was bored I decided to add some more things on eBay. I now have 75 items up for sale. Whose your sell-his-soul-on-eBay daddy?

Magnetic Ramblings

Two weekends ago, Valette and I hung out at McCafferty's Coffee House and played with their magnetic poetry board (they have an awesome set of words). Here are a few of my masterpieces:

in solitary sleep a delicate garden blossoms like myself
slather lotion like a lizard carnival

and my personal favorite:

sorid galoshes stagger beneath a luscious goddess

Auction King

I currently have my highest number of auctions on eBay ever. 33 auctions! Now no one can say that I wasn't productive at work this morning...

Upgrade Me

I just found out that I'm definitely getting a new computer at work! Aaaaand... I'm switching over to a PC. It looks like I'll be getting 1gig of RAM and 2+gigs of processor. In addition I'll be getting all the latest versions of Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, and Acrobat. Ooooh yeah. I'll be living the life.

Happy Day

It's K's birthday today. Happy Birthday!

8" of Pure Ecstasy

I got new and improved speakers for my truck and they finally got installed this weekend. After several weeks of intending to see if I could do it myself, I called Bridger to help me out. Naturally when I say help me out I mean do it all for me. Bridger rocks and now... so do I.

Excuses

"I missed seeing you at church on Sunday."

"Well, you see I was on my way there - I was early in fact - but was attacked by a tidal wave of almond rocca mocha. No, really. I can even corroborate my story."

Sugar Daddy

I made $300 on eBay this week. No lie. I sold a ton of graphic design books, lots of comics, two old game systems, and one GameCube game. All of that left me rolling in the dough. Have I mentioned that I love eBay?

Hypothetically Speaking

When one decides not to go to a some unknown Christian event on campus where an acquaintance is playing, and later one decides to go to a particular Christian event on campus that was advertised where one teaches piano... wouldn't you think that one might consider that these are actually one in the same event? You would think. One might have not been so smart and might have actually ended up at said event. One might have actually sat down and pointed out the formerly mentioned acquaintance before common sense caught up and slammed one upside the head. You know, hypothetically speaking.

Context

"Will you touch this? Go on, touch it. No, touch it on the tip. Rub it with your fingers."

Not the kind of thing you expect to hear from your sister in a dark car...

Planning

My plans for tonight are somewhat less than firm. In fact, the "plans" consist of several things which I know I won't actually do and hope to find really good excuses to avoid. So perhaps instead of saying I have plans, we should just say that I have good intentions.

Harry Potter Porn

This guy was busted for what is called typosquatting - using domain names based on popular references (such as Harry Potter) to trick people into visiting porn sites. I didn't know about the new Truth in Domain Names Act, but I think it's awesome.

Hard Work

The taxing work of being a diva is highly under-appreciated. It takes tremendous stamina just to be better than everyone. All the whining, preening, judging... and the gestures; the gestures alone are enough to exhaust even the heartiest soul. <sigh> It's a thankless job.

When God Speaks

God speaks to me in a surfer accent.

And then I was like, "dude, claiming that Sarah was your sister was a totally unrighteous thing to do."

Movin', Movin', Movin'

So K and I are serious considering moving out of Alaska. When I say "serious considering" I actually mean that we are making plans and almost out the door. So, you know, seriously considering. We're planning to move to Washington, near K's parents. It'll be an interesting adventure since we've never lived outside of Alaska. While we have a lot to do before we would be able to move the possibility of moving soon seems to keep increasing. We've even found some jobs that we'd like to apply for. This is so weird. Just the first of this year we had absolutely no intention of moving. Two weeks ago it was just a slight possiblity. Now we are making plans. At this rate we could be in Washington by May. Yikes!

Self-Appointed

So, on some level we all have special abilities; special powers you might say. I'd like to think that makes us superheroes. My superpowers is being able to see inside and connect with a person. This allows me to communicate in a way that uniquely suits them. This is what makes me a good one-on-one teacher and what frequently draws to me people I hardly know wanting to be close friends.

K's superpower is to transform chaos into order. A co-worker's superpower is the uncanny ability to get along with and enjoy the company of anyone no matter how different they are. As with all good superheroes we have limitations, weaknesses, and issues.

So what's your superpower?

Identity

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
--from My Immortal, Evanescence

Babel

The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."
--Genesis 11:6-7 NIV (the Tower of Babel)

Misunderstanding, confusion, and difficulty getting along as people seems to be part of God's plan for us so we wouldn't gain too much power. It's interesting to think of our communication problems as an God given thing; another blessing that was taken away because of our sin.

Also... the Tower of Babel, the monument of man's pride and arrogance, became Babylon, the city spoken of throughout the Bible as the symbol of sin, selfishness, and corruption. I'm sure that the connection between the two is by no means coincidental.

The Less-Than-Great Commission

"Now go forth and make with the clicky."
--ADD, at the bottom of a list of links for the day

Raawr!

Dictionary Lesson

Okay people. Bi-monthly can mean both every two months and twice a month. Don't ask me why. I didn't create the word. That's just the way it is. Look it up in the dictionary if you don't believe me. It's the same with bi-yearly and bi-weekly. I just love having communication problems built into the English language. Brilliant.

While we're at it, in many dictionaries irregardless is recognized as a word meaning the exact same thing as regardless (dictionary.com). It is believed to be an accidental blend of the words irrespective and regardless. It is not considered proper for use in formal communication, but is often used in casual situations. I suppose this means that it's a bastardized word that has been used so frequently that it finally had to be recognized.

Screwing up an already screwed up language as we go... Power to the people.

Naive

this doesn't feel like my skin
what have you done to me?
am I a slave to my sin?
just too stupid to see
the empty shell of a man
that I used to be
the things that everyone knows
I must be so naive

--Naive, 9voltRevolt

Closing the Gap

One of my sewing projects over the weekend was sewing up a hole in the pocket of my coat. My keys kept falling into the abyss that is my coat lining. Not cool, but it was an easy fix. The hole is all sewn up so it can't swallow any more of my belongings.

In other news, we haven't been able to find k's auto start remote since Sunday, when I went grocery shopping in her car. We looked everywhere, even in the garbage (yuck). They simply disappeared. While looking for another set of keys yesterday I patted down my coat only to find her auto start remote... sewn into the lining.

Earning My Salt

It's not even 8:10am and I've already finished my work for the morning... This is good in that it means lots of time for goofing off. It's bad in the sense that I just want to be in bed and am not overly motivated to be creative with my time. This inconsistent work load thing is a blessing and a curse.

Diva of the Zoo

Space

"I think we should start seeing other people."

Is it possible for this to ever turn out good? Here's hoping...

Bored Now

Then the LORD said, "My Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years." (Genesis 6:3)

Prior to this people were living about 900 years. I guess God got tired of us. Can't say that I blame him.

P-P-Productivity!

What I did on my weekend vacation...

4 months worth of filing
setting up a new filing system for 2004 including printing folder labels
entered into and balanced 2 months worth of bank information
filed comic books and sorted the ones I'd like to sell on eBay
sorted through graphic design books to sell on eBay
coordinated two trades with sequential swap
3 weeks worth of laundry
sewed up two ripped seams and measured two pairs of pants to be hemmed
cooked two meals for consumption throughout the week
shopped for groceries
completed order form for free dvds
paired down credit cards
faxed music to a piano student
read the final three chapters for the bible study
completed a simple design project for a client

That's What I Want

"The best things in life are free, but you can save them for the birds and bees. Give me muh-uh-uhney. That's what I want..."

On my trip I essentially got a brand new wardrobe. 3 pairs of pants and 7 shirts all for a mere $90. Sales on clearance items are sinfully euphoric. MmMmm...

Upon Closer Reflection

What one will do while hanging out in the airports...

Danger Will Robinson

Little Ray of Sunshine

Looky what I got at the Louisville Zoo. It sits proudly atop my work computer radiating joy and happiness.

Environmental Gifts

While I was gone k cleaned out the clutter of band equipment which filled out dining room taunting me with thoughts of failure, loss, and sadness. This generous gift of emotional health came with a side order of a complete rearrangement of the living room and dining room which is awesome. It feels all homey and cool again.

In addition she cleaned out the snail farm which was formerly a fish tank clearing the way (literally) for me to start over without the endless snail orgies.

On top of all that she rearranged my study so my keyboard could permanently sit up there and removed the cluttered bookcase finding places for all the stuff to go on existing shelves.

All in all our house feels fresh, open, and ready for the new directions that lie ahead. K was smart enough to enlist help with the projects in the form of Valette, Beth, and Bridger. Thank you all for a fresh new beginning.

Aaaaaaaah

Much better. I got a few hours nap before lessons yesterday, then slept lots last night, and got up in time to sort through all the mail and other stuff that was waiting for me when I got home. I'm still tired from jet lag, but am feeling much more ready to get back into the swing of things. Now I'm listening to a cd of 80's hits which I picked up on my trip. Fun for the whole family.

Zombie Walking

I'm home. I got home about 1am (which is 5am Louisville time). The flights were fine, but getting to work at 8am completely sucked. I'm riding the line between grumpy and tears. Here's hoping that I can convince my supervisor to let me off early so I can get a little nappy-poo before a long afternoon of teaching.

Final Broadcast

Yesterday we went to the Speed Art Museum. <yawn> I did get to see some Picasso, Cezanne, and Monet, but beyond that most of it was stuff that only moved me to move on. It was free so no big loss there.

Last night we went to the circus. It was tons of fun. Up to this point I had only seen dinky Alaskan circuses so this was quite a treat. There were trapeze artists, gymnasts, high wire acts, elephants, tigers, clowns, motor cycles, and a freak load of sugary goodness. It was so cool and only $20 each when you add in the snacks we bought.

After that we went to a bar to hear some live music. Here are some highlights from that portion of the evening:

acoustic folk rock music
angry poetry
hard rock music for meditation
a dude with a biker jacket and a bob haircut
tons of girl-on-girl action on the dance floor
lots of pathetically drunk people (besides the girls on the dance floor)
awesome industrial angst music
keyboard stand collapsing during industrial angst gig
meeting the industrial angst band
leaving bar smelling like we'd been bathing in cigarettes

All in all it was an awesome night.

And Again

Still in Kentucky. It's raining, but going well besides. The weekend is filling up with possibility. We're hoping to go to the circus, the zoo, and an art museum. We're also planning to see several bands. Friday night we're going to an "original rock showcase" then to see an industrial band with whom I connected via the web. There are more band possibilities the rest of the weekend, but we haven't decided on anything else yet. We're going to that postmodern church on Sunday night and maybe another one Saturday night.

Today I visited Angie's daycare and fell in love with her kids. 12-18 months. They are so adorable and full of personality. Emma was definitely my favorite but that may be because she flirted and played with me. I'm easy that way. While Angie worked I braved Louisville for a few hours in her car. I actually got around pretty well with my trusty phone book map. I'm checking in with my fans and doing research on weekend activities before eating lunch and chilling out for a few hours. Angie's mom is taking us to a thai restaurant tonight. I'm totally looking forward to that.

Later.

Hidee-Ho Good Neighbor

What do you know, we stopped by the library to search for some bands to see while I'm in Kentucky. That means that you are blessed with an unexpected message from me. Aren't you the lucky one. The trip has been great so far. The flights were awesome, on-time, pleasant, and actually fun. Angie and I have been having a great time shopping, eating, hanging out, and watching the first season of Will & Grace. I have bought 6 items of clothes for a grand total of $60. Oh yeah. I basically have a new wardrobe now. I'm stoked.

I had been frustrated with the lack of information regarding local live music, but the library came through for me. A fellow computer user pointed me to a free publication that lists tons of local bands playing each night that I'm here. I could be swimming in live music every night if I wanted. I'm so excited. Besides that good news I found a local church that is totally focused on the arts and is said to be a cutting edge ministry for the postmodern crowd. They meet on Sunday at 5pm. Totally cool. I can't wait to see what that is like.

Tonight I'm going to color and highlight Angie's hair. Maybe after that we'll go see a band. I can't believe that I've only been here two days. It's been so great and I have 5 more days of playtime before I get back on the plane. Vacations rock.

Parting is Sweet

I leave tomorrow for a week long adventure with Angie, one of my best friends. We are going to shop, hang, go to concerts, see cool exhibits, and cause all the mayhem we can. It's going to be a week long slumber party and I can't wait.

Sadly, Angie doesn't have a computer so I won't be keeping it touch with my extensis fan base. You all will just have to go on without me.

Ready for Launch

I just recieved a hard case for my pda. It looks like it would be at home in an episode of Star Trek. I love it. It's all silver and sleek looking.

The bonus is that it holds my pda in it's protective casing while letting me have complete access to all the buttons.

The extra bonus is that the cover folds all the way underneath the pda so it can rest solidly on a desk or table.

The extra super-duper special bonus is that I got it because I happened to check mail right before packing for my week-long trip out of town.

Now I can look cool and keep my pda from getting trashed while on vacation. Life is good my friend. Life is good.

.........

Floppy

Note I gave to my supervisor:
"We need more floppies."

Note back from the supervisor:
"...said the sales manager to his team of Viagra salesmen."

Today

Today is Valette's birthday. Happy 23rd. The evening will involve Mexican Chocolate Cake, homemade ice cream and Donkey Kong Country. Saturday will serve as an extension of the festivities with miniature golf, going to a restaurant, and seeing a concert. Hoorah for birthdays.

Fade to Black

Yesterday I said goodbye to something that has been a major part of my life for the last four years. The home church and band has been a success in so many ways in my life. It's time has passed and God told me that he now has something else he wants for me. It's very painful to let go of something into which I invested so much energy and emotion. Because I knew on some level that this was coming, my mourning is mingled with excitement about what lies ahead. Instead of an empty void I'm seeing a cleared path. Here's to the future.

Old Fart

In the last week, three people have been shocked to find that I am nearly 32 years old. The concensus is that I look like I'm 25...

I can handle that.

Conversational Snippets

"I don't put my fingers there anymore."

Speaking of Sausages...

My friends think that my smelling capabilities are a mark of the devil so take this for what you will. Some people really smell. I don't mean like haven't-bathed-since-woodstock sort of smell. These people can step right out of a shower and they still have this odor about them. It's a raw meat sort of smell. More specifically it's a sausage smell. It's kinda like a cross between summer sausage and raw hot dogs, though generally not as appealing. I'd say that about 20% of the people I meet have this smell in varying degrees. I know of at least one other person that can smell this so if I'm crazy at least I'm part of a club.

So now the reason I'm telling you about this satanic incarnation of my olfactory glands: I was teaching piano on Tuesday and there was the smell. It was permeating the room where I teach. The staff often have lunch in that area before I teach, so the smell had to be from what they were cooking. Maybe they had hot dogs or some freaky variation thereof, but I swear it smelled just like human meat. Like human sausages to be exact. Since this smell really makes me ill, teaching in that room was very disgusting for me. On top of that I'm wondering if the church staff have resorted to human sacrifices. I'm picturing the staff grinding up the loud-mouthed old lady who sits in the back left pew and adding seasonings to make the resulting sausage taste just so. If they start having sausage fund-raisers I'm outta there.

In Shock

I had a booth at a local bridal show yesterday to advertise my piano services. It's the first time I've ever had a booth and I was really nervous that it would be a huge flop. I created cds to be given away with samples of the music I play at weddings. I was worried no one would take any cds or take business cards or even notice my existence. By 2pm (half way through the show) I had given out all 100 cds and was wishing that I had created more. All my flyers were taken as well as about 70 of my business cards. Tons of people stopped by and seemed genuinely interested. I played keyboard through the event while k brilliantly interacted with people. While I was exhausted, I actually enjoyed myself. The show was an awesome success in getting my name out there and gaining a lot of interest.

Still, I didn't have anyone make any firm commitments and I was concerned that I wouldn't actually see any money from the event. Well, 2 hours after the show's completion I received a call from a bride who wanted to book me for a date in July. She's going to have me play for the wedding and the reception which will bring in a couple hundred dollars. This one gig will nearly cover my costs for participating in the bridal show. Since I was sure that I would fail miserably I'm in complete shock at the turn of events. Perhaps after a few days it'll settle in and I'll be able to cheer and dance appropriately. At the moment I'll just pretend that none of it even happened.

Alternate Dimension

It is forty below (fahrenheit). I was just plugging in my truck at work when a person rode by on a bicycle... at forty below... on a bike...

52x

I am now the proud owner of a 52x CD-RW drive. Envy me.

I'm a Freak

I got up at 5am this morning because Seby had been whining to be let out for an hour. I stayed up and started doing all sort of productive crap. I got so much done and feel awesome. The best thing was that I got nearly three hours of alone time this morning which is pure bliss. Add that to the excellent conversation k and I had last night about balancing our time/priorities/emotional health and I'm just plain giddy. Never fear, I'm sure this will wear off around 11am when my body realizes that I'm not actually going back to bed...

Two-Timing

I finally ditched my 142.5 cubic inches, 2.5 lb day planner to move to something younger and slimmer. My Palm is a 4.4 cubic inch, 4.2 oz machine of ecstasy. I feel younger already.

Life

My life is a country song.

Oh So Happy

Doh!

This week I heard my first actual, real-life story of someone being busted for copyright issues. Evidently this local company used a copyrighted picture of the aurora as a background for a photo of their business and then printed it on thousands of distributed publications. It was a major lawsuit. I'm not sure about the financial damage, but it can't have been pretty.

I've now been tasked to redesign that publication and several other pieces for them in a way that doesn't break the law. And as far as limitations go, the not-breaking-the-law thing was really all I was given. Pretty much they want me to tell them what they need. That's both good and bad. They also didn't want a price estimate. They just want me to do it. I will still give them an estimate to protect myself, but basically I'm looking at making quite a bit of money on this thing. Sweet!

Stroked

There is a musician I worked with when I was doing the music minister thing who still calls me anytime she needs advice for how to deal with an issue regarding her involvement in that music program. She usually calls when other people have dropped the ball again and needs to know whether she should take it upon herself to either fix it all or to receive the brunt of the chaos when things are thrown together at the last minute.

I'm honored that she values my insight so much.

Stylus

I went to a local office supply store to check out the variety of stylus pens for my PDA...

"Where are your stylus pens?"

confused look

"You know, the pens used for PDAs?"

"Oooh. They are right over there. But we don't really have any stylish ones. They're all just the regular type."

Wake Up Call

I think I'm going to stop setting my alarm, because - as evidenced this morning - my supervisor is more than willing to call and wake me up. Granted, that was 20 minutes after I was supposed to be at work, but still...

Sweater

It all unravels

Facts

The fact that I have completed my morning's work as well as some much needed socialization all in the first 30 minutes of the day does not change the fact that I don't want to be here. The fact that I can spend the rest of the morning goofing off does not change the fact that I need a vacation. The fact that the day is looking good does not change the fact that I can still choose to be grumpy if I feel like it.

Dysfunction

7 days, 7 adults, all related to each other.

It sounds like a reality show from hell... and it felt like one too. It certainly provided hours of entertainment on my blog. Of course, as I reflect back I realize that there is no way in hell that I'd do this with my own deranged family, so why did I think that we could make it work with k's family? We're just swapping dysfunctions there. Reeeeal smart.

Woo-Woo

According to Valette:
budget fireworks is the place where you can get a cheap bang.

Happy New Year

Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.

Disassociative Grief

A coworker just lost her baby. She was nearly 5 months pregnant. While I don't know this coworker very well, I'm completely overcome with sadness. No one should have to suffer that kind of loss.

Double Your Pleasure

For Christmas my ISP permanently increased my pathetic 64k, cause-I'm-so-poor, cable connection to 128k! I've been on 64k for months for the increase is like a dream come true. Ah, it's good to surf.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Home at last. Each plane we were on had delays and we arrived home nearly two hours late on a plane we weren't scheduled to fly... but we made it. It's so nice to be in my own place. It's quiet which is absolutely wonderful.

Day 8 - Run Like Hell

Ah, our 8th and final day with the in-laws. The cup is half full, my friend.

I had baby duty last night. I brought the baby monitor into my room to listen for her. I found myself jumping at every little sneeze, moan, or rustling. I was so stressed that something terrible might happen on my watch or that I wouldn't wake up for her feeding. I ran upstairs into her room probably 6 times before she actually needed fed. k was cool enough to handle the 2nd feeding so I actually only had to do it once.

Because of the late night, k and I slept till 1pm (Montana time). This means we have just 3 hours until we need to get to the airport. That should give us enough time to pack while not giving us much time with family. As I said, the cup is half full.

Day 7 - Avoidance Techniques

I slept till noon today. Once I got up I got on the phone with tech support regarding the lack of internet connection. After that k and I went for a drive which included wandering, shopping, eating, and more shopping. This place is complete hicksville. The John Deere store is nearly as large as the Walmart...

It was really nice to get out for awhile. We got back just in time for dinner (it was already on the table). I resumed my tech call and finally got the internet fixed. Then was watching baby for a bit, playing Pictionary, volunteering to get up with the baby during the night, and finally resting down in front of the computer.

k is having a much harder time today. Her anxiety is through the roof and she's on the verge of tears. Well, sometimes she's just ditched the verge and has dived right in, but you get the point. I definitely think she's reached her limit. Tomorrow is our last day. We have to be at the airport by 4pm so it's really only half a day we have to survive. I'll be counting down the hours...

Day 6 - Merry Something

On Christmas we got up early because everyone was anxious to open presents. Since we had a house of 7 adults, 1 baby, and 3 well-loved dogs the present pile was rather large. By large I mean that it took us nearly two hours to open them all doing it mostly one at a time. That was fun. It was great to be a part of so many gifts.

I got lots of awesome stuff. I got something like 6 DVD's including The Long Kiss Goodnight, Matrix Reloaded, X2, and The Two Towers extended edition. I am currently listening to the Evanescence cd k gave me. The best gift was the latest Zelda game for my Game Cube (also from k). I got several cool how-to books (which I asked for) and some great bath stuff (from my mommy). I only got one generic gift. Everything else fit me perfectly!

After that k and I napped for several hours because we were tired and because we didn't feel like being around people after the bathroom incident the night before.

That evening we had a very hum drum dinner. Don't get me wrong, it was a full Christmas dinner with turkey and all, but it just sort of happened. The day didn't include any Christmas music or Christmas wishes or anything that really made it feel like Christmas. Ah well, it could have been worse (as has been evidenced repeatedly this week).

Withdrawls

I have been without the internet for some 36 hours. I didn't get to post my daily update yesterday. I didn't get to read my e-mail. I didn't get to continuing taking advantage of my brother-in-law's fast connection by downloading every freaking file available on the internet. I didn't get to visit any sites. I didn't get to lose myself in surfing went the intensity of the house got too much. I suppressed repeated panic attacks at the thought of being without the internet. Basically I was a druggy without drugs for a day and a half. I sucked on so many levels.

The DSL modem went down sometime yesterday. I was on the phone with the tech people for several hours today getting it fixed. Apparently nothing was done wrong, but it just happens sometimes. Whatever. The modem could recognize any ip address, but could recognize any websites. That's useful. The second tech was finally able to provide a fix.

Of course, at the point I got the internet running there were group plans so I bidded my time until I could spend some quality time with the internet. Aaaaah. There's nothing like plunging into the juicy folds of the internet after a long abstinence.

Matter of Perspective

For what it's worth:

With exception to last night's horrible events, k is really enjoying being here. She really likes her family and is loving being with the baby. She isn't thrilled with her family's foibles, but isn't all that affected because this was standard for her growing up. Also, k stood up for herself last night which was a major step for her. She actually feels kind of empowered by it and seems to be doing fine today.

I just thought I'd be fair for a second and let you know that I'm the one living a nightmare this week, not k.

Underwear Swap

Grandpa has been complaining since he got here that his landlord (who is also a care provider) packed all the wrong stuff for him. He says he packed hankerchiefs, but she must have removed them. Also, she packed clothes that were slightly too small for him. Why would she do such a thing?

Well, after being here for 3 days Grandpa finally realized that he picked up the wrong bag at the airport. No lie. He's been wearing someone else's clothes all week. Ah the joys of being 90. Isn't that just too damn funny?

btw, Merry Christmas.

Day 5 - All I Want for Christmas

In comparison to the infuriating events that ended the day, the rest of the day was dreamy.

k and I took the car out to brave the town fairly early this morning. The comic book store didn't get in their new shipment as expected and the number of comics they had in stock barely exceeded my own library. The bead stores we sought out weren't much better. Navigating around town is a breeze and even though the population size is probably comparable to Fairbanks, it feels like a much smaller, much hick-er place.

We had a family photo shoot this afternoon which consisted of everyone telling everyone else how it should be done. A good, hearty game of "No I'm the Boss" is always the highlight of any day.

Later Guy, Nikki, and I saw The Return of the King. It was great. The experience was tainted a bit by some talking people, a very small theater, and cold air blowing down my back. I'm excited to see it again when I can fully get into it. One comment is that, even considering the conditions, the movie didn't feel overly long to me. The 3.5 hours went by without me feeling restless at all. Impressive to say the least.

Late evening Grandpa took us all out to Applebee's for dinner. The food was tasty and the conversation was only painful for a brief period.

Tomorrow is Christmas and while I can't say that I have the slightest bit of Christmas spirit, I am excited to open presents. Beyond that it's just a matter of surviving another day. Here's hoping one of my presents is an isolation chamber.

I Are Computer Problemated

I've been on Guy and Nikki's computer a lot this week. It's in a very sad state of affairs. They aren't overly computer savy and as such haven't taken care of their baby as they should have.

the last virus scan was run in April of 2002; there were about 10 viruses
the virus program wasn't set to automatically scan downloads, e-mails... nothing
the virus program had 56 updates which hadn't been downloaded
spyware had taken over their computer spitting open the cd drives and informing them that they needed to download a special program to fix this problem
once I utilized the spyware removal program that they had already paid for, I deleted over 100 spyware programs
their 20gig harddrive is 19gigs full
there were some 500 temp files
the trash had over 1000 files in it

To their credit, I'm impressed that they own a spyware removal program and anti-virus program. Also, the hard drive was defragged and scanned 3 months ago (rather than 3 years). They are very pleased that I'm cleaning things up for them. They need more RAM also, but I'll settle for reversing the countdown to imminent self-destruction.

Great Depths

I just finished taking a most luxurious bath. Guy and Nikki have an extra deep tub. I used some cool bubble bath leaves my mom gave me for Christmas. I felt all special and stuff. It was wonderful.

Day 4 - Shoot me, I think I'm done

I sat for several hours today and watched my baby niece. I fed her, burped her, changed her diaper, entertained her, held her... All this baby time makes my uncle side very happy. It doesn't do anything for my paternal side, one way or the other, which I find very interesting. I've been told Rory (my niece) really likes me. I was kind thinking... duh.

Besides the joys of being with my niece I was pretty feeling done today. Done listening to rambling stories, done with the endless games of 20 questions everytime I shift in my seat, done with being in a house of 7 adults, 1 baby, and 3 dogs, done trying tolerate the very different way this group interacts, and just plain done being social. My loner self was feeling very motivated to hide away in a corner. I found lots of ways to avoid people much to the confusion and sadness of my in-laws. Perhaps I need to actually try to do things their way while I'm here rather than just try to tolerate their differences. I'm not even sure I can...

What I'm realizing most is that this group is used to interacting as a community. If someone is going to another room for awhile, it is announced so everyone knows where everyone is. This is quite opposite to my approach of slip-out-while-no-one's-looking. Somehow announcing to the group that I need time away from the group seems to destroy the whole process of trying to get away from the group. <le sigh>

Guy made an amazing dinner tonight. He made Chicken Fettucini Alfredo (the Alfredo was made from scratch) with a side of fresh steamed vegetables. He can cook for me anytime!

Temper, Temper

Grandpa was amazingly well-tempered considering the forced stay-over in Salt Lake City and the near 12 hours of wandering around the airport waiting for his flight.

Guy was amazingly foul-tempered considering that I offered to cook dinner for him. During the cursing and yelling I was unsure as to how he was feeling. I think it was the throwing things that finally cleared things up.

Day 3 - Independent Thought

Today was long as well, but in the wanna-gnaw-off-your-leg-and-beat-someone-with-it sort of way.

Went shopping this afternoon with k, Nikki, and mother-in-law. Whaaaat an adventure. Nikki must stop and look at everything that might possibly be on sale or might possibly be of use in the next millenium. She also must buy lots of things even though she, just yesterday, had an argument with Guy about how they don't have money to buy stuff.

Mother-in-law likes to tell people what to buy. In fact, through some convoluted turn of events, K and I got birthday money from the parentals so we could spend it down here. Great. Mother-in-law decides that we want to buy clothes from TJMaxx with said money. How very gracious of her to relieve us of the burden of independent thought and opinion. And here I thought I might have to make some debilitating decision about how to spend fifty bucks. We went to TJMaxx, but were highly unimpressed. Most likely we'll be spending our money once we get back home and have been returned the full control of our brains.

This evening, I mentioned that I was thinking of starting to use a PDA. Father-in-law decides to show me his PDA. When I say "show" I mean more like give me the grand tour and tutorial. Thirty minutes after my off-handed comment I'm fully certified in PDA mechanics. Thanks Dad.

Grandpa didn't arrive tonight. The flights were canceled due to weather so this 90 year old man who is nearly deaf is stuck in Salt Lake City for the night. Father-in-law called to request that an agent help him find a hotel. Hopefully that is what is happening. We haven't heard from him yet.

On an amusing note I believe I now know what it sounds like when my mother-in-law has an orgasm. At least I'm guessing that's what happened each time she sneezed. It sounds something like, "Uh. Uh. Oh, oh, oh. Aaaah. A-choooo. OoooOoh." While I should have been highly disturbed, I found the entire production so comical that I had to stiffle my giggles.

Supportive In-Laws

"Whatever you just did, it was wrong."
This was just said to me, I kid you not.

Don't Ask

Saint Mayo's Spread of Desperation
(hee, hee)

Day 2 - Lifetime

My wife (klondike.kate, to be referred to as "k") and I got up for a awesome breakfast prepared by my brother-in-law, Guy. k, who had a hangover from anti-anxiety meds for the flight, went right back to sleep and didn't get up until 6pm. She went to bed again at 10pm.

I sat in front of the tv so I could hang out with Nikki (Guy's wife) and my niece Rory. The unfortunate thing of it was that Nikki was watching the Lifetime channel and watched it all afternoon. I can't say that a marathon of Lifetime movies was what I thought I would be doing on my vacation. For that matter I never thought that I could even survive such a marathon. It was quite special. Quite.

I did get to highlight Nikki's hair today which was fun. I actually highlighted it twice because the stated "30 minutes" (which was extended to 45) did almost nothing to change the color of her hair. The 2nd go round, of 75 minutes, produced very nice, if subtle, results. We were hoping for a more dramatic finish so we might do something more with it this week.

The parent in-laws arrived around 6pm. I listened to several long rabbit-trailed and highly uninteresting stories from my father-in-law before retreating to my room to surf the internet on their DSL connection (it's a dream after my meager 64k at home). I did get out for a bit to go with Nikki to the store at which I was emotionally scarred at seeing a life sized animatronic santa "getting jiggy with it."

The evening wrapped up by playing a game with Guy and Nikki. Little did I know that Guy had had a few drinks and, as such, became increasingly loud and obnoxious as the game worn on. I was glad when Nikki finally won and released me horror of it all.

The plus of the day is that I had zero responsibilities, there was very little stress, and the day was long in a luxurious sense. Hopefully I can say the same about my six remaining days...

Day 1 - Door Ajar

We flew out yesterday (Saturday) morning to visit my inlaws. We had a 20 minute stop in Anchorage which turned into almost two hours. Apparently the door to the plane wasn't sealing completely. Fortunately they were able to fix it. We had a long layover scheduled in Seattle so we made our next connection with plenty of time to spare.

On the flight to Seattle I was neatly wedged between my wife on my left and a pleasant man on my right. I tried to sleep, but was inundated with the body heat of two additional individuals. I felt like I was slowly being baked to perfection. The wedging also hindered the use of arms for things such as reading, accessing my water, or allowing the blood to circulate. The plane to Montana was small and as such had only two seats on either side of the aisle. Yay! No more wedgy for me.

While waiting in the Seattle airport I wandered and explored. My wife and I wanted Cinnabon so I was on a quest. I ended up having to take a transit to a completely different terminal and run to place my order before they closed. It was quite an adventure. I enjoyed my gooey, sugary delight, but perhaps not enough to get another one on the way back. It's nice to know that my taste buds are starting, however reluctantly, to come in line with my health needs.

We arrived at my brother-in-law's about 1am. We coddled our new neice for awhile and finally went to bed.

That's the latest breaking news in my exciting adventures with my in-laws. Tonight: the parents arrive. News at 11.

Let the Adventure Begin

My wife and I are leaving tomorrow to spend Christmas with her family. We'll be staying at her brother's in Kalispell, Montana (woo-hoo) and will be gone a week. Spending this much time with my in-laws should be... interesting. I'll keep you posted.

The Outside

They're letting me out on good behavior.
Suckers.

Oh Yeah

I'm finally caught up at work. This means I have time to surf the web and update my blog again. The cup is half full my friend.

all work, no play

Last week I pumped out a total of 22 jobs at my morning job. That would explain the exhaustion and the grumpiness I've so carefully cultivated.

Ever

For the next 15 minutes I'm going to run away and never come back.

Inappropriate Musings

Life's a bitch.
Do it doggie style.

Guess What the Stork Brought?

Look at my new baby. Isn't it the sweetest thing you've ever seen? Of course, like any newborn, it's drastically affecting my sleep schedule...

King Me

I went to my dreaded dentist appointment today. I have a fracture in the tooth that has felt like it's been connected to a car battery for the last week. They have to put a crown on it. I guess it's better than a root canal or some of the other horrific options that went through my mind. Now I have to figure a way to pay for it.

Dejollyified

When I was out of the office for about an hour, a coworker - from whom I had sought relief for my new holiday cheer - took every Christmas decoration we had and hung them around my office. Since I work in a closet, that basically meant there was no office showing anymore. I walked in to a fluffy Santa sitting on my computer, a bear climbing a Christmas tree, and about a dozen oversized glittery plastic candy canes hung from every possible perch. It was kind of like a Damascus road moment. I saw the light and I was cured. No more Christmas cheer for me. No sir. Not one teensie little bit.

...

(fa, la, la, la, la...)

Jolly

It hit me today. I was designing a Christmas card for a customer, I lit the cinnamon candle I brought to work... and then it happened. Suddenly, with tremendous force, I was hit with the Christmas spirit. I am now afflicted with a deep yearning for Christmas carols, snowmen, blinking lights, egg nog, cozy fires, and tons of shopping. Crap. And here I thought I could make it through another holiday with the reckless apathy I've come to know and love.

I Could Dye

My workplace is selling white t-shirts at a steal of a deal so I bought a couple. They also had a bunch that were yellowed with age so my supervisor let me have those for free. I spent the weekend dying some 15 shirts (when you add the shirts for my wife and other shirts I already owned). I now have grape, black, charcoal, blue, slate, and wine colored shirts. I had such a good time playing with color and am very pleased with the results. The shirt I'm wearing today is tie-dyed. I feel giddy like when I first tie-dyed shirts as a kid. It's cool to wear clothing that is an upper.

Linus & Lucy

I've been practicing the song Linus and Lucy by Vince Guaraldi to play in my student's piano recital this Friday. It's been kind of a big deal for me. With my tendonitis problems I've not learned much new piano solo music in years. This is probably the first thing I've learned in at least 5 years that has no other purpose than my enjoyment. It has been physically difficult, but it has also been a lot of fun. The piece is sounding great and I'm having a lot of fun playing it. This December, I look forward to my students' recital not just because they get to show how well they are doing, but also because I get to perform. I'm a performer at heart and it kinda feels like I'm returning home.

Thanksharfing

So, ya see, I haven't eaten any sweets for about 2 months. This is due to orders by my doctor and admitting to myself that besides the scary addiction I have to sweets, they make me ill and highly anxious. So then, Thanksgiving comes around. Okay, so I'll have a piece of pie. That won't be too terrible. A little splurge and since pie isn't a favorite I should be able to stop at just one slice. No problem. Enter my sister...

She had the gall to make peanut butter balls. I mean, freakin' peanut butter balls for the love of John! Not only is the mating of peanut butter and chocolate a cause for orgasmic celebration, but my sister makes damn good peanut butter balls. Damn. I'm screwed. There's no hope of avoiding the binge now. Still, maybe I can avoid the addictive cycle by simply not having a first one...

6 hours later I've consumed probably some 15 peanut butter balls, two pieces of pie, and a whole bunch of Pepperidge Farm gourmet cookies. I guess my day after Thanksgiving plans will center around feeling like a anchovy milkshake on spin cycle.

My 1st Mistake

I woke up this morning in a pretty good mood. Before work I decided to write a little letter to my sister who was killed last year. It was just something I felt that I needed to do. By the time I was done I was crying like a baby and have been outrageously depressed ever since. Mourning's a bitch.

There's a bit of problem with her memorial site at the moment so I'm posting my letter here because sharing my depression with the world is truly my highest calling in life.

Melissa,

I miss you. I still can't completely accept that you are gone forever. That's too cruel a truth for me to believe. I still have plans to play more video games with you, color your hair again, act like little kids in public together, to comfort you when someone has hurt you, to work my way through a one-sided chat session with you, to watch you grow and experience life. It's just not fair that none of those things will ever happen.

Know that I still cry for you regularly. Know that even though I didn't see you often when you were living, I miss you all the time. Most importantly, know that I've decided to keep living my life, but now it includes good, healthy doses of Melissa-type fun.

I love you and miss you. You will always be my baby sister.

Xerox Diva3535

My workplace just got a new color copier. It's part of the new Diva line of Xerox which places useless, overly dramatic decorative elements on the back of copiers. This model was inspired by peacock feathered showgirls.

The claim is that the elaborate blue half moon is to keep the copier from being placed too close to the wall and crushing the cords. Fortunately it's removable...

Xerox DocuColor 3535

Communal Driving

I had a dream last night that I was on a road trip way up north and I discovered some former friends also driving the road. They asked if we (me and whomever I was driving with) had placed herbs at various points along the way to honor Melissa. We said no and explained that we decided not to do that. We joined them in their motorhome to continue the drive. After a bit one of my brothers joined us and a little while later we noticed that some other people were "coming over for dinner." Pretty soon nearly everyone I knew from my childhood church were pouring into the motorhome including my parents and grandparents. The motorhome grew to accomodate all these people. I wasn't overly stressed by the influx of people, but I definitely felt crowded in upon.

Frigidity

It is a solid zero degrees fahrenheit today which is actually a welcome change. After weeks of being at "sort of freezing" temperatures with rain and sleet and sheets of ice in the place of roads... it's a welcome change. Of course, I hear predictions that it's supposed to get funky ass cold this weekend. We're talking in the neighborhood of 50 below. Here's hoping the weather people are smoking something...

Boost

My best friend, who I've known since I was 5, called last night. We talked for about an hour. It was awesome. When I decide to be completely open with him, it is really affirming. Even though we spent most of the time talking about all the crap going on in both of our lives, I got off the phone feeling encouraged and hopeful. Each year I realize more and more what an amazing gift of friendship God has given us.

Imitated Brilliance

I spent many hours this weekend updating my portfolio. That doesn't sound very impressive, but for the fact that I've done very little html coding and absolutely no css. Yet, I still managed to get up several new pages and change several stylistic things. This accomplishment was made possible by the fact that I'm a master of taking an existing template, changing a few things, and calling it my own. Still, I'm damn impressed that I was able to wade through all the code and end up with what I was shooting for in the first place. Besides a cool end product I learned a lot and feel much more confident to make changes in the future. Now I don't have to beg my web designer to make time for my frequent little changes.

Tis the Season

Yesterday I saw my first snowman this winter. It was a small, 2 foot tall creation sitting on top of my condo mail boxes. Sooo cute.

Sensual Mysticism

"The Shaman treated her engorged aura like it was a precious jewel."

Finally

After working at the copy place for 7 months I finally decided to decorate my office a bit. I hung several photos and pieces of art around my desk which are very artistically inspiring for me. I also hung a picture of my wife looking damn sexy (of course that's inspiring in a different way...).

I'm now sitting at my desk feeling waves of happiness and life. Wow. I didn't realize it would make such a difference in the feeling of my office.

Blessing Flood

I was way grumpy last week. Wednesday God told me to go to a healing room we have in Fairbanks. I was freaked, but went and on Thursday night God healed me of a spiritual weight that had been on my shoulder. Friday I started to be a bit less grumpy. Saturday I spent a few hours with a friend and had a great time. Sunday I was able to spend time with other friends. Monday morning I walked into my office with only one minor job on my desk after last week's overwhelming work load. God is blessing me in major quantities right now. One might think it has something to do with my submission to his healing hand...

Freezing Rain

Fairbanks is filled with all kinds of special weather this season. Current conditions: crunchy wetness.

Snot

It's sooooooo slick out today. Snow came, then sun, then freezing. You figure it out.

Excuses

I'm not going to my 'Families of Mentally Ill People' class tonight. I've thought of a million excuses to not go. In the end I really just can't handle it right now. Too much focusing on reality. Too much accepting the grim truth. Too much being read to like I'm a toddler.

Forlorn

My sister had the audacity to go visit our mom this week which means that she's out of town. Now I don't have someone to call up and gripe to about annoying supervisors, or someone to hang out with on the weekend, or someone to fix little things on my website. How could she be so selfish?

Angelic

My 5 year old godson made a surprise visit today. We spent a few hours playing video games. When he left he wanted to make a snowman, but the measly 1/8" of snow wasn't going to cooperate. Instead he made me a snow angel on my sidewalk.

It Could Be You

The next person to comment on this blog will be have the priviledge of leaving the 100th comment! This is an honor which will be bestowed on only one person. The grand prize for this honor is nothing short of the lifelong supply of the knowledge that you left the 100th comment (you can't buy that in the stores). Act now while supplies last.

This offer can't be combined with any other discount or promotion. Void in the state of Kentucky. Also void if you leave a pathetic, lame-ass comment (cause I'll delete it).

Amendment - 5:49pm
Bow in humility before the greatness of Joat. I know what you are thinking: "If only I were as cool as Joat."

Sweet Guitar

Check out this sweet guitar created by a guy in Nikiski, Alaska (close to where I grew up).

Sequential Swap

Sequential Swap is an online community for people who want to swap comic trade paperbacks. I discovered it a few months ago and have already made 4 trades. It's great because I can get rid of trades that I won't read again and read some new stuff with only the cost of shipping to worry about. It's a very active group and I'm thrilled to be a part of it.

Anniversaries' Suck

Yesterday marked one year and one month since my sister's death. While I tried to pretend I didn't notice, the entire day was consumed with depression and pain. I've grown to hate the 22nd day of any month.

Rinse, Repeat

The anti-itch shampoo really seemed to help my dog. He didn't show signs of itching again until yesterday evening. I shampooed the area again and again he seemed fine. He sees the vet today so hopefully she'll be able to give us stuff to make this go away all together.

Sleeping with Tremors

Everyone in my dreams last night had wicked tremors, akin to Parkinson's disease. At one point in the dream I realized that I was leaning up against someone with these tremors and was being shaken myself. I found it odd that I was so close to this person. As I decided that I needed to see what was keeping me so close, I woke up to realize that one of my dogs was laying next to me obsessively chewing at a spot on his back hip.

We noticed this behavior this weekend and then found some sort of rash that looks suspiciously like ringworm. We have a vets appointment, but they couldn't get us in until tomorrow. Meanwhile the itching is getting worse to the point that he is now keeping me up. When I first realized the scratching it was 4:30am. I tried to go back to sleep, but realized at 5:30am that it hadn't stopped. Worried at what my dog might be doing to his skin I tried to distract him from the itch. No way. Next I tried to simply hold him back from itching. While he was trying to be very obedient he maintained a stiff neck arching back toward the itchy spot the entire time I was blocking access. I then told him "no." At this point I felt so bad for him because he was twitching and pacing trying to avoid biting at the itchy patch. It was like he knew that he shouldn't bite at it, but truly can't help himself.

I decided a little internet research was in order to see what I could do to reduce the itching until we see the vet. Unfortunately I came up short. We have an anti-itch dog shampoo that I think I'll try before going to work. Also, I'm going to go to the pet store at lunch to see if they have anything that will help. At the moment I'm concerned with waiting until tomorrow to see the vet. If I can't curb the scratching, then I don't think we can afford to wait that long.

Popular Me

A local phone book just come out in which I placed a few yellow pages ads for my piano studio and my graphic design businesses. These are the first ads I've taken out. Two days after the phone books were distributed I received a call from someone who was looking in the yellow pages for a piano teacher! I expected this to help my businesses, but I had no idea that I'd be getting a call so soon. I can't wait until I get a call about graphic design. Unfortunately there is less demand for that in Fairbanks than there is for piano teachers. Still, it feels very good to see some potential for increased business.

I'm in the Money

I've been selling comics on eBay as of late. I decided to clear out some of shelf space that I devote to comics so that I had room for new stuff. I didn't expect to make very much, but figured even a couple of dollars would be nice. It's not like I had any collector worthy comics so I really didn't expect to make that much. I just finished another round of comic sales. This one brought me $75! In total I've made about $370 in the last two months from selling comics that I don't read anymore. Damn that's good. Especially when I expected to make around $10 for everything.

What have I bought with my new found wealth? I've bought 12 comic trade paperbacks, 4 comic mini-series, the complete run of the Thunderbolts comic (75 issues), a pump for my water fountain, the Order of the Phoenix audio CDs, a ton of CDs, and a wireless headset microphone to use in the band. I feel overwhelmed with goodness and proud of how I've treated myself. Thanks, God, for turning a little "house cleaning" into a flood of giddy pleasures.

You're Fired!

It's amazing how stress-free a day of piano teaching can be when you don't have a selfish, rebellious, disobedient, and unfocused child to teach. Firing troublesome students is difficult, but oh so worth it. Yeah.

Miracle Drone

I went to a class last night for family members of mentally ill people. It was a droning meeting which was mainly some exceedingly boring reading of the handouts we had in front of us. Yep, that's what I said. They read to us. And it's not even like they were any good at reading. There were gross mispronounciations of words, huge pauses, and absolutely no interest whatsoever in their voices. Drone, drone, drone.

It was also 3.5 hours long (instead of the stated 2.5 hours) which meant that I left there at 10:30pm. Holy crap! That's been my bedtime as of late.

One of the leader's main roles was to call out the page numbers of the handout we are on. Throughout the entire evening she was self-importantly calling out things like, "Page 3.18. That's page 3.18." What a job. I wonder how long she had to train for something like that?

Having now ranted about the bad of the evening, I have to say that I really felt a peace like that's where I needed to be and I did benefit from being there. If that's not an act of God then I don't know what is. I really felt led from God to go and many of the things we discussed were right on target for what I needed. Besides the droning reading sessions, there was some interesting discussion by the others in the group and overall I really enjoyed the support of being in a group of people who are going through similar things.

The class continues through the middle of December. We'll see if God continues to want me to be there or if was just a one time thing. Either way, thanks God for the miracle of turning what could have been an utterly miserable evening into something of great benefit. Only you could accomplish something like that. You rock.

1069

I left open a peer-to-peer file sharing program yesterday so I could download some things. When I returned home my download had finished and it became available for upload. Other users took advantage of this fact... 1069 times. Yikes!

This is the first time I've been thankful for my currently slow connection. It meant that all 1069 uploads were very small (partial files) and didn't put me over my data transfer limit.

Pitty Kitty

My supervisor asked me to design a flyer to be inserted in the local newspaper. He showed me what was done last year. And said that I could do something completely different if I wanted.* Thank God!

I found an amazing photo at Morgue File which has a lot of pictures which are free for commercial or personal use. The photo I chose was taken by Christy Nyberg and it was so amazing that I decided to give it a lot of space on the page. The end result is better than I could have hoped for, especially when you compare it to last year's flyer. The reverse side of the flyer contains the rest of the information.

*One awesome thing about my supervisor is that he gives me a lot of creative leeway when doing projects for the business.

Double Firsts

I don't know if you've noticed, but it seems that having two first names makes one a superhero. Bruce Wayne was destined to be Batman from birth simply because of his name. Clark Kent was in the same predicament (of course, he received his name after crashing to earth in a space ship so one could question the actual influence of his name). Diana Prince was a goddess turned scantily-clad-hero. Barbara Gordon was Batgirl. Barry Allen was the Flash. Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Hal Jordan was the Green Lantern...

The star of the upcoming movie The Punisher, coincidentally has two names. It would seem that Thomas Jane is destined to be a superhero, though I think having a girls name for the last one kinda cancels the whole super powers thing and only really guarantees a love of tights.

Old

This is my 101st post on this blog. For seasoned bloggers that is nothing, but with this being my very first blog, I'm feeling all kinds of special.

Costly Friendships

Entertainment at the expense of others: friend or foe? While this is a norm in my friends group, I'm starting to wonder if we are simply nourishing each others insecurities.

Raaawr!

Today I intimidated my counselor. He remarked at all the self-help things I do and how much I work to better myself and was concerned about him actually being helpful to me. When I finished my mini panic attack at the thought of getting fired from counseling (with a counselor I really like), I felt pretty damn good. I intimidate my counselor. Oh yeah, I'm all kinds of scary. grrrrrr...

Hottie

It's October in Alaska and I'm wishing I had air conditioning. What is with that?

bleebulgurk

I think my stress has made me more than a little crazy, as evidenced by the obsessive chirping sounds that I'm making while writing this message. Okay, I'm not actually the one making chirping sounds. It's actually my invisible pet sock, Jared. He can be sooooo annoying.

Scraping Alarm

I woke up this morning to the sound of someone scraping the ice off their car windows. My truck had a light dusting of snow all over it. Coming home from work I saw patches of snow in mostly green grass and on the back of car windows. Winter has officially arrived.

Making Up

Happiness is making up via pillow fight.

dMac

The Mac I use at work was having problems this week. When I returned after a few day's absence my supervisor left a note that the entire system drive had been wiped and everything reinstalled. His note included an illustration...

keep reading...

What's in a Name?

There was once a woman whose last name was Wolfe. She married a man with the last name Seaman. While his last name was already quite terrible what came from their union was even worse. In an effort to maintain her individual identity while still associating with her husband, she chose to hyphenate. She now walks around proudly bearing the name of Mrs. Wolfe-Seaman.

True story. I kid you not.

Borg Erotica

"Would you like to slip into my alcove for a little 'regeneration cycle?'"

Since the borg are all connected in the head, would one borg's sexual fantasies be like having phone sex with the entire collective?

Greetings

Happy Thursday.
That is all.

Machismo

It's true. Many men are very egotestical.
[brought to you by Terry Pratchett in the book Feet of Clay]

Lowercase Dash

I was just given an url over the phone by someone who evidently knows very little about web surfing. First she started off with "h t t p :" then said "two slashes" and slowly gave me a blow by blow of her very long url. The greatest moment of this recollection was when she said, "then it's a dash, not a slash, but a dash. You know, like a lowercase dash." Some people call that an underscore sweetie...

One Track Mind

I have a couple hours between my morning job and teaching piano lessons this afternoon. All I can think about doing in that time is sleeping. This is partly due to the 6 hours of sleep I got last night and partly due to the oozing depression I feel after last night's piano gig. Too bad my 2 hour break can't be transformed into 15.

Piano Whore

I played piano at a coffeehouse last night. I realize again how much I hate playing an audience who isn't really paying attention. Being the background track to games, discussions, books, and coffee orders feels like a complete cheapening of my music. Perhaps a coffeehouse is not my ideal venue...

Buckwheat Jim

I'm heading out for a drive up toward the Arctic Circle. Why am I doing this? Well, I enjoy driving for one thing. The main reason, though, is to commune with nature. I'm on a quest to find forest after forest to wander through and enjoy. I might even climb a few trees. Just call me nature boy.

sniff

After many years of brilliant and highly entertaining Veggie Tales videos, Big Idea Productions is filing for bankruptcy. I'm finding myself crushed. Another company will be buying out Big Idea and will continue making Veggie Tales which is good. I just can't imagine how it will ever be the same without the original creators who not only birthed each hysterical story, but also brought the characters to life with their own voices. I think I'm in shock.

The Dark Side

I realize that I've been eating more and more healthy over the last few years, but today it hit me that I've completely transformed into one of those health freaks I used to read about. The instigator of this revelation? A fruit smoothie made with the following ingredients:

banana
frozen strawberries
frozen raspberries
carob powder
honey
desiccated coconut
juice blend (100% juice)

Besides being outrageous healthy for me, this tasted damn good. What have I become!? Before you know it I'll be eating grass and communing with the trees.

Creepy

Slash Fiction. Heard of it? I hadn't. In short it's erotic fan fiction in which two same sex (usually male) tv characters "discover" their sexual feelings for one another...

Ok. Officially creeped out.

added 9/3/2003, 12:47pm: "But Spock," said Kirk, huskily, realising, finally, irrevocably, what his true self had been trying to tell him ever since the beginning of season one, "it's so huge. And it's green." "And it would be logical for you to... touch it, Captain," said Spock. [via]

eewwww...

Glory

My friends and I came up with a rather amusing phrase this weekend: Raging Inferno of Apathy. It makes me want to start a punk band.

A Gift

I wasn't looking forward to going to work after 2.5 days off last week and then labor day off this week. I had imagined my work pile to be overflowing my desk and enjoying a new found home on the floor. Well, after being at work for about and 1.5 hours I'm done with all my projects! I do have several jobs to print if/when our color printer gets fixed, but it sounds like that won't be today. Thanks God for the wonderful gift of an easy morning.

Out of the Blue

While on our last Caribbean cruise nearly two years ago, we met an elderly couple with whom we really hit it off. We spent a lot of time together on the ship and have written a few letters back and forth since then. It's nice to keep in contact, but I didn't expect anything more than occasional letters. Well, I just received a phone call from them... They were thinking about us and wanted to let us know that they've been praying for us with having "more than our share" to deal with this year (referring to my sister's death). I'm blown away by their compassion and friendship toward us.

Grump Therapy

I started a week of detoxification today. It begins with two days of fasting then moves on to five days of very restricted eating. I've heard that such a detox, particularly the fasting period, can make one grumpy. I have no freakin' idea what those idiots are talking about. [grumble]

Optimistic

"We'd better put my copies in a bag otherwise if I got in an accident they'd fly all over."

after paying for copies with a ton of change...
"You've just saved me from drowning. If I had fallen into a lake with all the change I would have drown."

If I hear much more of this optimism I think I might be depressed.

That's My Home Town

"Homer - a drinking town with a fishing problem."

I heard this for the first time yesterday. It's obviously not a new perception of my home town.

Shhh...

Don't tell anyone, but after four months of bitching about my new morning job... I think I might actually like it. Sure it's huge pain in the ass sometimes, but overall, it's not that bad. Thanks, God, for giving me this instead of a job rotating the grease in the McDonald's fry vat.

Pink Bathroom

Yesterday I decided to redecorate my bathroom in flourescent fuschia pink. Of course, I didn't know that I had decided that until after I finished coloring my hair...

keep reading...

12 Years

My wife and I have been married 12 years today. We've been through a lot in that time and honestly we're closer now than when we started. From the beginning we agreed that we didn't always have to like each other, but that we would always love each other. There have been many moments of dislike through the years, but we've made it through. I'm so glad that I married this woman. I'm in it for the long haul.

typo

While adding text to a customer's document, I noticed the following misspelling:
"telephone calling cad"

how very bostonian of me.

Bubbles

The owner at my work frequently sings a single line from some song: "tiiiii-ny bubbles..." That's all he sings. I hear it a couple times a week. Does he not know the rest of the song? Is this something he made up or worse, some cute thing he was taught as a child to warn those around him that he just passed gas? ...
I suddenly don't want to know.

I Can Relate

"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"
--Jacobin Mugatu

keep reading...

Fair

We came, we set-up, we saw, we gigged.

Leap Dog

I got home after work this morning and flung myself into bed for a 4 hour nap during which, I was told, my little dog decided to play leap frog with my organs and body parts. I don't remember a thing. Evidently I was a might bit tired...

A Word

Today is brought to you by the word:
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

And by the sentiment:
wtf?

Conflicting Ideals

So do I watch that season finale that I've been dying to see for the last few days or do I take a nap? I'm dead tired and have a lot of work ahead of me tonight... but I reeeeally want to see that episode. hm. I think that sleep wins out this time, but only because I know that I have time to watch The Gift tomorrow afternoon. Nighty night.

Makes Me Think...

trailing associations
tp: nose: eye: blue: brown: wood: sweet: end: start: red: orange: bottle: water: wet: over: under: bridge: river: wet: dirty: work: tired

Summer Vagueness

I think I figured out why I don't feel like I've had a summer. This is the first summer that I'm not a part of a traditional church. During summers churches plan barbeques, Father's Day events, July 4th celebrations, etc. All of these things serve as landmarks of summer. While I'm 300% happy to be in a non-traditional home church now, I hadn't realized how much organized church gave me seasonal anchors. It's a very odd thing to without after spending my entire life in those settings.

Grrr-ish

I'm all grrr-ish today. I didn't get as much sleep as I would like and then had to deal with a couple annoying customers at work. I was going to run errands this afternoon before piano lessons, but instead I'm gonna do the vegetable thing at home and try to purge this pissy mood. Grrrrr.

Cathartic

Yesterday I and some friends spent 6 hours cleaning out a garage. While this should have been a loathsome task, we had a good time together and threw a lot of stuff away which was very cathartic. I slept 12 hours last night and still feel exhausted. My body isn't very excited to continue the project today, but my mind is excited to get it all finished. Guess which one will be complaining tonight?

Associations

New Blog Design: stoked

Associations

square:
pants

Self Therapy

I've seen my naturopathic doctor a few times for treatments called Holographic Memory Resolution (HMR). Its kind of like guided hypnosis and I found it very cool. Well, I was just doing a freewrite as part of my study of the book The Artist's Way and I eased into the visualization techniques that are part of HMR. I went completely through the process of discovering a memory associated with some physical negative feeling and then brought resolution to that memory. It was pretty cool. What is pretty amazing is that I did all this while at work. Because of that I didn't get as deep as I do when in sessions with my doctor. Still, it seemed very effective. Totally cool.

Lucky Devil

While driving on the highway through a construction zone (construction zone=double traffic fines) I passed a cop going the other way. I was going 80 mph at the time. The speed limit was 45. He didn't turn around. Coming out of the construction zone I passed another cop also going the other way. This time I was going 70. He didn't turn around either. I totally deserved to be hunted down like the dog that I am, yet I got off without as much as a dirty look. Lucky much?

cold & wet

It's been raining a lot this month. In Fairbanks June & July are supposed to be the hot, dry months. August is supposed to be rainy. I'm concerned that August came earlier than anticipated this year.

Brilliantly Late

L'esprit d'escalier. It's french for "spirit of the staircase" and refers to the witty and perfect responses you think of after leaving a conversation.

Hee, Hee

So the project which "required" the font Comic Sans? I couldn't do it. I just couldn't bring myself to use that freakin' font. So, I didn't. If asked I would lie that I didn't have that font on my computer. Instead of Comic Sans I used another casual font for body text and subheaders, but went with a stylish sans serif for headers. It really looks nothing like her original text. When she proofread it she didn't even notice the font change. In fact, she asked me to change one of the headers and apologized since she "had asked for me not to change the fonts." doh! She didn't have a clue and I didn't have to use Comic Sans. The world is a better place for it.

Steamy Experimentations

I work at a copy shop and have been making a lot of scans, adjustments, and prints for a local painter. Since he is selling these he wanted to see how the ink would hold up over time and in different conditions. He hung up a print in his shower, let it get wet and hot for days. The ink didn't run. It didn't even budge... Damn. I'm like totally impressed with this laser color copier/printer.

Power Whore

I successfully fired my prayer partner today after much selfishness on his part and much disappointment on mine. The whole firing thing: totally empowering. I felt that I was in charge of my own destiny and all that crap. It kinda makes me want to make some new friends just so I can fire them too.

To-Do, To-Do

Today's list:

1. Survive another painful encounter with excessively anal customer
2. Dump my prayer partner
3. Make grocery list
4. Teach a whopping two piano lessons
5. Coerce my friends into hanging out again.

Fame and all that

The band plays today at the Golden Days Street Fair. Besides the fact that the percussionist is totally sick, the guitarist is getting sick, the drummer is overcome with anxiety, and the lead vocalist has a raw throat from getting over being sick, the gig should come off without a hitch.

edit 2003-07-20: The gig actually went really well considering the circumstances. God worked his wonder with holding back the sickness while we played. Sweet. We got some great kudos too. Unfortunately it was insanely hot. We are lucky none of us passed out from heat exhaustion.

Happy Day

It's sunny, warm, I got to sleep in, and my friend's back home! I'm looking forward to the next week of catching up and hanging out.

Final Authority

This is it! After much misinformation and concerns of changed plans, a very close friend who has been gone for 3 months is finally coming home. I pick her up at 1am tonight! Oh yeah.

Mullet Envy

For those style-impaired masses who actually think that a mullet is a viable option...
I pity you.

Stupid Cure

In a chat session /xterm/ comments on the social degradation of America:

"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

from bash.org

You Call That Rain?

Yesterday I called the rain lazy cause it just dribbled all day. Today it's raining harder. I guess it heard me. Still, it's far from what I'd call pouring. Pathetic.

(my fellow Fairbanksans probably wish that I'd stop taunting the rain)

Right on Schedule

8:00pm Decided to read in bed because it was the most comfortable place to do so.

8:30pm Dana asks if I'm actually going to bed. I assure her that I'm only reading and not planning to sleep anytime soon.

9:00pm Struggling to keep my eyes open.

9:06pm Fast asleep.

2:30am Periodic waking routine begins.

4:30am Finally get up.

At this rate I'll be ready to go back to bed just about the time I'm supposed to be at work...

Drizzle

I think pouring rain is kinda cool. I love the sound and it's just so amazing that so much water could be falling from the heavens. I also really like sunshine and clear skies. What I don't care much for is drizzle. Drizzle amounts to lazy rain and I just don't like it.

Wedding Blues

Going to a wedding of people you don't know (cause you want to support the bride's mother) is a painfully boring process. Going to a wedding of people you don't know *and* in which it takes 30 minutes for the entire bridal party to enter is just plain painful. Though, the 10 minute gaps between each group of people was a very... dramatic choice.

service with a smile

Everytime I ask my comic shop for them to order something or check on something all they do is give a pathetic explanation of why it's difficult to get those things and that they'll try to remember to remind someone who might consider checking on it next time they happen to call some random company. What is with that? Just call and make it happen. Are you doing business here or what? Asking about back issues is the worst. They have no idea where stuff is generally and say they'll take a look for it. They never do. I've asked repeatedly and I get the same schpeel about how difficult it is and the reasons why it's so difficult. Today I was told to look online to purchase some back issues I was asking for. He said if I had troubles finding it online, then he'd call the sister store in Anchorage to find it. This is what I asked him to do in the first place, but evidently doing his job is way too freakin' difficult.