Random Mutterings

Project Runway Passed Me By

At work, in an effort to stave off boredom and burn off some creative energy, I decided to try to create an uber-trendy scarf out of paper clips. I had a vision of this glittering chain mail scarf trimmed with black binder clips. I saw myself as the next great thing to hit Project Runway and expected high fashion experts to be flocking to my front door any day now with offers to fund my latest line of office supply daily wear.

Well, there's a little problem with the whole paper clip scarf plan. You see, linked together paper clips don't really know that they are supposed to stay all flat and fabulous. I mean, I told them to do that, and even helped them believe in their potential to be flat and fabulous. And the paper clips were looking kinda cool sitting on my desk all glittery and edgy lying nicely flat in their properly assigned rows.

Then I picked up my carefully crafted creation to reveal... the biggest cluster ball of knotted paper clips I've ever seen.

I cursed under my breath as I untangled some 300 paper clips and gave up on my dreams to be America's next top fashion designer. I couldn't even bring myself to photograph the disaster for your viewing pleasure. Just picture a huge mound of unfabulous paper clips and you've basically got the right idea.

Action Packed

It was a wonderfully social weekend with a great art closing reception Friday night, several friends over for a relaxing garden potluck Saturday night, scoring lots of great deals at the Alameda flea Sunday morning, a brief appearance at San Francisco's bear bar Sunday afternoon before seeing the kick ass Iron Man movie. In the midst of all that was beautiful weather, time with my men and some down time at home. All-in-all, it was a great weekend and I vote we skip this whole weekday thing and have another weekend right away.

36 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

It's my birthday today. Woo-hoo! Go birthday!! Whose your daddy?!?

Sorry. Got a little carried away there.

I'm all like 36 and shit. I was recently carded going into a dance. The guard said, "You're 36? You look a lot older." Thanks numbnuts. Love you too.

I'm going to try to bat my eyes all pretty like and convince my supervisor to let me take the afternoon off. Now if only I had some wild something to do with that afternoon off. Any suggestions?

Well Then

Just last weekend a deaf guy dressed in the latest leather fashion accessories asked me to beat him with the pain implement of my choice. I don't know much sign language, but this guy made his point horrifyingly clear through a series of well placed hand gestures. There was something indescribably disturbing and surreal about having a flogging scenario mimicked in front of me when I didn't know this person and didn't even want to know he liked that sort of scene let alone picture him in the throws of it. I tried to play it cool, but I'm sure my horror was evident when I turned him down with the uncontrollable epileptic-like shaking of my head.

Welcome to the Lobby

Birthday Bears

Yesterday would have been Melissa's 24th birthday. As a gift to her I did a photo shoot with some of my favorite bears. Happy Birthday Melissa. Your wacky sense of humor and love for life continues on in me. I will love you always.

On a Starbucks Cup

"Childhood is a strange country. It's a place you come from or go to - at least in your mind. For me it has an endless, spellbound something in it that feels remote. It's like a little sealed-vault country of cake breath and grass stains where what you do instead of work is spin until you're dizzy."
-Lyall Bush

White Boy

Even when I'm technically tan I'm still pretty much a blinding spectacle of glaring whiteness.

It's All About Perception

One of the great things about not living on my own is that now when I have my photography and other art up on the walls... instead of looking completely in love with myself it just looks like I have proud and supportive partners (who may or may not have been threatened with lack of sex if they didn't devote an entire hallway to my masterpieces).

Snowy Snobbery

Michael, Mike and I spent the weekend out near Arnold, CA in the Sierra Mountains. There was snow on the ground though it was pretty wet and sleeted most of the weekend with temps around 30°F. We went with several friends (8 of us in total) and had a pretty low key weekend away spent mostly in the large house we were all sharing.

While I generally pride myself on getting away from the snow and ice of my home state, I found myself secretly disappointed that the snow was too wet for sledding, making snowmen, or for the fun of snowmachines. And just recently hearing tales of fun snowmachining adventures added to my angst and made me ponder selling my left kidney so I could afford the cost of an emergency flight to Homer so I could convince my brother to take me out on the trails (I'll make it out to his cabin one of these days).

How did I cope with the the horror of realizing that I actually missed the snow? Well, I did the only thing I could do: funneled all my energy into pure, delicious condescension...

As my Californian cohorts discussed how to drive cars up the slushy drive, the need for shoveling the 1/4" of snow and how we might all get snowed in... I found myself turning into the diva queen of all things winter.

"Well if *I* were driving, I wouldn't be scared at all because I grew up in Alaska and I nearly died every day on those slick, scary, icy Alaskan roads."

The fact that no one had problems handling the roads, the shoveling, the temperature or firing up the wood stove didn't deter me from radiating a sense of icy superiority.

"I've seen 60 below."

So there.

Streak

So nearly all the staff are out this afternoon to some "social committee" event (I know, I basically work at a day camp for adults). Since it's such a ghost town around here I was thinking of running through the halls naked. Brooke thinks it'd be perfectly appropriate and I'm sure she'd never steer me wrong.

Where's My Silver Lining?

Greg: You get the human condition + free will + sexual self-discovery and that's a recipe for a roller coaster that reaches heaven before dropping you to hell with a few loop-de-loops in the middle.

Gee, when you put it that way... where are the razor blades?

Don't Go Changing

I've decide not to head to DC this weekend after all. I've been fighting a cold that is only getting worse. Work is requiring a lot of extra time and effort this week which leaves me no time to rest up and may mean I need to actually work the days I was planning to take off.

I know my travel quotient will be low this month. Only one trip in January. <gasp> It will also mean I will have only taken *seven* trips in the last six months. How do I even live with myself? I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for this gross injustice. I'll try to make it up to you.

Wiiiiiiiiiiiii!

I'm in Louisville and having a fun time catching up with Angie. Today I was introduced to the Ninetendo Wii for the first time and loved it. I could easily spend the rest of the trip glued to Super Mario Galaxy. Tonight we went to white trash dinner theatre complete with a buffet including fried chicken and sweet potato casserole. What the show, Murder at the Howard Johnson's, lacked in depth was certainly made up for in the lack of acting abilities by the cast. Being the "quality entertainment" diva that I am it's painful to admit that I still had a great time hanging out with Angie in what appeared to be a pace maker convention. Of course the tasty margaritas and double hit of brownie sundaes may be to blame for my fun evening. I'm still burping up hot fudge.

Uncaged

Lynne has been ~~complaining~~ commenting that I've perhaps been a little too travel happy lately. I beg to differ. It's been over two weeks since I've traveled anywhere. That's like an eternity or something. Well I'll be breaking my inordinately long vow of travel celibacy and flying off to Louisville (KY) this weekend to visit a good friend and help celebrate her birthday (she's a whole 4 months older than I am). The following weekend I'm flying to DC to visit online friends and go to a gay/leather event. They should be some fun trips. Though now that I have some delicious men to come home to I can't say that the thought of being out of town so much is as thrilling as it once was. Next time I'm dragging their cute asses with me.

Commuticable Grumpiness

Now that my daily commute involves crossing the Bay Bridge the timeliness of my arrival to work is a precarious thing. One accident on or around the bridge slows down the cog works to the point of doubling the commute. Over an hour of my morning was spent sitting in traffic with other angry drivers who suddenly felt that 'every man for himself' was the best way to approach a difficult commute. While being slowly hypnotized by the sea of brake lights ahead of me I found myself wishing I had some of my audio books with me. You know, the kind of audio books that come with large doses of valium. And a chocolate chip cookie to take the edge off. Something to have avoided the extreme grumpiness of being stuck in traffic, dealing with annoying people and being late to work.

Purge Happy

So. You know. I don't really own much stuff. Each of my moves in the last few years (and the moves have been many) has involved me getting rid of more and more stuff. I'm just not loving being bogged down by possessions and shit. Now I'm slowing moving my current possessions into my new home with my men and am still feeling like I have too much. I've already starting throwing stuff away and feel that there's lots more purging to be done. Now I've certainly gathered things in the year since I moved to SF, but even without that I think I could live with less. So here's my question: am I just addicted to purging possessions? Do I have commitment issues with the shit I buy? Can I not hold down a long term relationship with even the loveliest of bath products? Best to figure these things out now before I recklessly break the hearts of more delicate trinkets and baubles.

Try to Keep Up

Well, I'm moved into my new home in Alameda which is just across the bay bridge from San Francisco. I am not even close to having everything moved, but I have the basics: hair gel and computer. The rest will come over a little at a time. We spent much of yesterday moving stuff and redecorating the house. Playing happy homemaker is kinda fun and while it can't compete with my cramped and moldy basement apartment, I'll find some way to cope with the burdens of being in a real house again with real parking and real cable tv.

Happy December 25th

Merry Christmas and all that jazz. I'm sitting in a rental house near Yosemite enjoying a relaxing few days away with Michael and Mike. We've explored a bit of the area, watched lots of videos, talked about new lives together and are enjoying being away together. We're celebrating Christmas day with a drive through Yosemite National Park, getting massages at a local spa and then making ourselves a tasty Christmas dinner. We head home Wednesday and I'll still be off work until after New Years. It's such a difficult existence I live.

Sadistic: Take 2

So I sat with Greg again while he had another tattoo appointment, this time to begin adding color to the piece. The appointment involved Greg crushing every last bone in both my hands, much grimacing on both our parts, talk about dominatrix girlfriends, and the therapeutic use of a bastardized Barbie doll. A good time was had by all, though Greg didn't seem to fully appreciate the rapid puncturing of his skin for the tattoo artist's sadistic pleasure. I, on the other hand, found it quite enjoyable.

Triad 3.0

Well, I've got the moving thing figured out and it just so happens to coincide with a little thing I like to call commitment. Some might call it engagement or covenant or "OMG I'm getting hitched," but I'd say commitment works just fine.

Not that I expect anyone to be able to keep up with my relational dramatics, but after a little sort-it-all-out hiatus I'm back with Mike and Michael and stronger than ever. So my romantic self is jumping in full force (big surprise huh?) and making plans to move in with them in triunal triumvirate of triptych bliss.

(Well coordinating three people living together will likely not be 24/7 bliss, but "triunal triumvirate of triptych niceness" just didn't have the same ring to it.)

It'll kinda be like Three Men and a Baby, but without the baby and with a whole lot more sex.

S&M Disappointments

My friend Greg got a new tattoo last night. Well, the outlines of one at least. I agreed to keep him company throughout the ordeal cuz I wanted to watch him squeal like a girl and writhe in pain. Instead he limited his response to lying like a corpse with occasional wincing. I feel gipped.

The Homework Ate My Dog

My eye's doing all better and stuff which means I'll have to figure out some other creative reason to stay home from work. The next time I'll be off is when my dog needs to have surgery on his hip. Now I just have to get a dog...

Eye Grit

Yesterday I decided that scratching or otherwise irritating my left eye was a good plan. Feeling like gravel was crawling around my eye socket and leaking gallons of tears was really a great way to spend my day. The eye is still enjoying some post-apocalyptic afterglow today. Enough so that I didn't feel safe to drive to work (sad, I know). So I'm putzing around willing my eye to get better. It's much better than yesterday and I'm nearly certain a few more hot chocolates and thai iced teas will ensure a rapid recovery.

Damn the Turkey

I boycotted Thanksgiving this year. Well, technically I boycotted turkey and the whole social thing. I was still thankful and all that good stuff. I turned down an offer to spend the day with a good friend and a few of his friends. Instead I made it a day to pamper myself and focus on my art. I spent several hours processing photos from New Orleans, took a nap, hung out in the Castro, met a hottie model who's agreed to pose for me, did a self photo shoot, and watched Little Britain Abroad followed by Project Runway. All in all in was a very artsy and fun day.

And another thing about Thanksgiving: I've never been a huge fan of the traditional turkey dinner. For years I've been trying to convince friends and family to forgo that tradition and do something like a huge Thai feast for the day. Everyone has been extremely enthusiastic "as long as I get a little turkey, cuz it's just not Thanksgiving without turkey... oh and we have to have mashed potatoes... and maybe just a little cranberry sauce and stuffing..."

Right.

So basically we're going to have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with a side of pad thai?

While I didn't cook a huge Thai feast for me, myself and I, I did go out for dinner and had myself a tasty Asian Pear and Gorgonzola Salad. It's not quite Thai, but I felt all wild and rebelious eating it. It was just a froo-froo California hybrid salad I know, but to me it was my "damn the man" to the whole Thanksgiving institution.

Oh. And... Happy Thanksgiving.

I Simply Must Have My Chai Tea

While I loved my time in New Orleans and am eager for a return visit, my time there helped me realize how perfect California is for me: a land filled with chai tea, holistic medicine and recycling bins. In my book that sure beats 24/7 alcohol, voodoo marts and not a single effort to recycle in sight. Alaska definitely has the free-thinking thing and California amps that up a couple hundred percent. Am I becoming a green loving, alternative thinking Californian snob? Perhaps. But it's okay, cuz we're better than everyone else.

Grounded

I've returned from New Orleans and back to this thing called reality. I had an awesome trip filled with food, art galleries, socializing, making friends, photography, sunning by the pool, relaxing and tons of walking. It's definitely a different world down there. I'm looking forward to another visit at some point so I can see even more of the area.

On the flights to and from I watched several movies the best of which was The Fountain with Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. What a beautiful movie.

I don't have any more trips planned until January. It'll be nice to have time in SF again, though I have to admit that I'm loving the hell out of this new travel kick.

Big Easy

I'm in New Orleans for an extended weekend, hanging out with my friend Volney and loving being away for a bit. My luggage showed up about 16 hours after I did, but overall I'd say the trip's off to a good start. Walked several neighborhoods, visited some art galleries, drank a hurricane and am heading out in a bit for some nightlife. I don't get home till Monday night. Yay me!

Narcissistic Tendencies

The smell of leather was strong on the dance floor of The Oasis. It's not that leather is the most practical material for shaking your booty, but when it's the official dance of Palm Springs Leather Pride what else are you going to wear? While I sweated to the oldies in my own personal leather chaps and vest oven, I flirted. One hottie in particular caught my eye and I made sure to sweat in his general direction. After I took a break from my flirtatious gyrations my friend Greg pointed out that the object of my flirtation bore a striking resemblance to myself. When I looked again I saw his point. Oh well. It's not like it's some big newsflash that I worship at the throne of Narcissus. And I'd rather get caught flirting with a look-a-like than making out with the mirror again. Cuz, well, that was just embarrassing.

Palm Springs

I'm spending the weekend in Palm Springs and will be enduring a lot of lying by the pool sunning myself. I'll also be enduring a massage, leather events, flirting and sight seeing. Why do I put myself through all this? Because someone has to do it my friend.

Cubed

We're in our new office space today. Boxes and cords and cables and shit everywhere. I've spent all morning tracking down missing laptops, unpacking boxes and trying to find my way around this place. My cubicle is a bit secluded (which I love) and I have more desk space than I did before. I have a feeling all day will be spent shuffling around papers as I try to get settled in. But don't worry, if I do get to the point of some productivity today I'll be sure to fill it with personal projects.

Wild Times in Cincinnati

George has had the nerve to be sick since I got here. So I've been hanging out with his partner Dennis, seeing a bit of Cincinnati, catching up on my chat addiction, soaking in the hot tub and all out relaxing. Last night Dennis, myself and two of his friends went to a private halloween party in Dayton an hour away. The house was loaded with with more decorations, fake smoke and animatronic ghouls than a Disney attraction on crack. I guess these guys have been decorating for the last month just to be ready for the occasion. The costumes ranged from redneck (meaning they came as they were) to superhero to victorian queen. It was a fun event and I'm glad I twisted Dennis' arm into taking me even though George was down for the count. I have a few more hours in Cincinnati before heading home. I'm making the guys take me down town so I can photograph some broken down shit before I leave.

Retail Therapy

Yesterday's coping mechanism: shopping. I have three new pairs of pants, two shirts and a belt to show for my "therapy" time. None of which was on sale. I blame Stacy and Clinton for my determination to invest in fabulous clothing.

Creative Coping Crusades

This weekend's coping, er, adventures...

Two nights in Santa Rosa hanging out with Lou, taking a walk in a gorgeous forest, helping an unknown french man celebrate his US citizenship, exploring art galleries, buying a painting of my very own (how adult of me), posing for a sculptor, dressing like an s&m satyr for bingo with the sisters, nearly winning the best costume contest (those damned "cereal killers" robbed me of my victory), going to an awesome dance party, winning the cutest ass contest (that'll teach those cereal killers), doing a photoshoot once I returned home, then hanging out with a new friend while I weeped and moaned about having no idea how to move on from my ended relationship.

With the awesome weekend I had I'm still all depressed and shit. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I'd just stayed at home eating truffles all weekend. Well, I imagine I'd be crying into newly developed fat folds and we can't be having that. So... let the adventures of the dynamically depressed superhero continue!

Keeping It Real

So as of a week and a half ago I am single once again. And while the "future is bright" this present moment lacks in adequate illumination. I've been coping by keeping myself busy and diving back into all the things that I enjoy so much: hanging out with friends, making new friends, working on my art and exploring the area.

This weekend I'm heading to Santa Rosa to hang out with Lou, go to a citizenship party for a friend of his, go hiking and have a pre-halloween bingo party with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. The following weekend I'm attending a minimalist halloween party (how does one costume oneself without the use of clothing?). The last weekend of the month I'm flying to Cincinnati for a few days to visit my friend George and his partner Dennis. At the end of the month I'm taking an Intermediate Digital Photography Class. Beyond that I've submitted work to a gallery to be considered for their 2008 show schedule, have completed a new photo layering piece, have three photo shoots scheduled, am checking out a few groups I've been wanting to know more about (some with scary results) and have started to catch up on the movies/tv shows I've wanted to see.

All in all, I'd say I'm doing damned well considering the circumstances. Maybe the present ain't so dim after all.

Travel Gods

So I'm trying to continue this grand adventure of exploration I've been on for the last few years (loving it, by the way). Part of that is a desire to travel and see more of the country/world. I have this lofty fantasy to fly to some random place for a weekend just to have experienced it. I have 3 day weekends so this would be fairly feasible for me to accomplish. For this relative newby to travel, the only problem with my grand plan is my comfort-zone induced need to have a set agenda and/or a companion for such ventures. You know, some sort of training wheels before I start wandering the country like Forest Gump. A broadway ticket would do the trick. Or maybe traveling somewhere just to go sky diving. Honestly, I'd much prefer to simply attend the bestest event in the whole wide universe, but you'd be surprised how hard that is to pin down. I even have a few friends who might join me on my travels. Still I sit here a bit too nervous to actually make it happen, waiting for the cosmos to send a travel itinerary my way.

Parasailing

While in Puerto Vallarta I went parasailing for the first time. The experience was extremely serene and peaceful as I sailed above the ocean overlooking the city. It so was awesome that I immediately wanted to do it again, but ultimately decided to save it for another time and another setting. Below are two photos and two movies of the experience (I couldn't figure out how to rotate *and* compress the 2nd video so you get to look at it sideways).

Zipline Adventures

While in Puerto Vallarta Mike and I went on a canopy zip line tour in the jungle canopy and across a huge river ravine. It was an amazing tour with 14 zip lines totaling 2 miles. The most exciting line was 400 meters long and 160 meters high.

There was a videographer who went tandem with each person on the tour. Here's Mike flying through the air with the video guy.

On my tandem trip across a ravine I got a photo of the videographer in mid flight then of the river below.

Our last zip line was two cables side by side. I snapped this photo of Mike as I zipped along beside him.

It was an amazing tour. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Muddy Remembrances

I'm back from Puerto Vallarta and settling back into everyday life. I have a few photos and stories from the trip which I'll be sharing as I get to them. This past Saturday was the five year anniversary of Melissa's death. In her honor I went on a dune buggy tour through the hills of Puerto Vallarta. The trip wasn't the wild off-roading adventure Melissa would have loved or for which I was hoping. Still, I know that Melissa would have been laughing her ass off at the sight of me covered head to toe in mud and the fact that I had to walk back through town passing many bemused locals before I could shower off.

Vallarta Beginnings

I'm sitting in Puerto Vallarta stewing in the heat and humidity. Besides having some challenges finding food and/or a taxi the first 24 hours here, I'd say we're doing pretty well.
While the bed and furniture isn't the very comfy, the condo we're renting is beautiful and we're enjoying it. There are some amazing restaurants here. Last night we ate at Barcelona Tapas which was one of the best meals, best service and best atmosphere I've experienced anywhere. Beyond that we've done some poking around Zona Romantica, along the Malecon, done some shopping and enjoyed the cheap margaritas. Some might think I'm pathetic to be spending 20 minutes in an internet cafe. I'm going on the assumption that I'm being considerate to my loyal fans.

Birthday Bash to Remember

Mike's party was a huge success. All the elements came together beautifully and we pulled off a party involving nearly 80 people, a hosted bar, dj music, hors d'oeuvres passed by wood nymphs, a buffet table creatively displaying all sorts of fresh produce, breads and cheeses, a fire dancer, a drag queen performance, amazing dessert and a dvd created especially for the birthday boy. It was really a mesmerizing event and I couldn't have asked for it to come together better. We're all still over-the-top exhausted, but it was worth it all. It'll be a party we'll be talking about for a long time to come. I didn't get but one blurry photo of the actual party since Michael and I were busy keeping the party running. I did, however, get some photos of the decorations and the dual garden setting. (Click the yellow "View Slideshow" button to see all the pictures.)

Family Values

Today I'm heading with Lou to see the Family Values Tour down in Mountain View (almost an hour south of SF). The event is not nearly as morally upstanding and "2.5 children" as it might sound. It's a day-long string of concerts featuring Korn, Evanescence, Flyleaf and a bunch of other alternative/hardcore bands in an outdoor amphitheater. Should be fun. Now where's my sunscreen?

Demi-Century Greetings

In a week and a half Michael, Mike and I are throwing the birthday party of the demi-century. Two lush adjoining gardens, tie-dyed canopy sashes, enough candles to light a small city, well hung lanterns, strings of lights, secret seating areas, a hosted bar, DJ'd music, lots of food, party favors and tons of friends and family. There will also be a few special "enchantments" throughout the evening (in other words, surprises which the birthday boy can't know about until they actually happen, so stop willing me to slip up and tell you!). We have a few minor things still to work out like - I don't know - food for 60+ people, but overall I'd say it's coming together grandly. It's been fun to plan and hopefully it'll be even more fun to experience. Wanna come?

I Dyed

I spent all weekend dyeing. The whole dyeing routine took several weeks to complete. It was a long, painful and messy process, but I've successfully dyed and am happy with the results. I dyed in shades of turquoise, bright green, goldenrod, raspberry, midnight blue and blood orange (I dyed very colorfully). Once my dyeing is hung for all to see, I'll post pics. Meanwhile, you'll have to imagine my dyeing and think happy thoughts.

365 Days of Fun

Even before Valette arrived it was pretty obvious to me that she was not coming to see me, but rather get in her year's worth of fun and adventure before returning to Alaska. My role was to help her facilitate packing 365 days worth of fun into a 5 day period tied with a pretty gold bow. I'd say we did a pretty good job.

Valette's visit in 50 words or less:
Marathon, cram-it-all-in days of touristy fun including screaming and swearing at high velocities, sand in my shorts, driving for miles to see an aquatic lobby, eccentricity architectualized, endless maze of shopping, big hats, fattening treats and overall exhaustion.

Forced Fun

I'm doing pretty well after Thursday's 'nothing to report.' <insert dance of a thousand joys here> Adding to that good news: my annoying little sister is coming for a visit today. She's forcing me to see all these shows and go on all these rides and hang out with her and laugh and have fun and shit. What a bore that will be. At least she's bringing along her boyfriend to keep it interesting.

Nothing At All

It's tough to know what to blog about when what's going on in my life really isn't blog material. Not that it's not interesting and gossip-inducing or anything, but it's just not the sort of thing you schlep out there for the whole world (all 3 of you) to read.

I mean, it's not like I had a "minor" surgery a few months ago followed by a less than minor - and quite unsuccessful - recovery period which has spiraled me into having another minor procedure later this afternoon. And it's not like there's been minor blood and pain for over 4 months now or like I'm freaking about more poking and prodding today. I mean, if it were something that annoying, gruesome and long-lasting I definitely would have told you before now, right? Right? <cough>

So, yeah. I don't really have anything to blog about. Carry on.

Sound the Retreat

I'm back from my grueling 5 days of cushy gay boy camping. I got lots of sun and a relaxing time away with Michael and Mike. The nearly 13,000 bears who overtook the tiny town of Guerneville for the week was overwhelming to put it mildly and as such I didn't spend nearly as much time at the pool parties, bonfires or dances as I would have liked. Fortunately our camp was quiet and relaxing which made for a great retreat from the chaos. All in all, it turned out to be a great time away though crawling into a real bed last night made me fall in love with mattresses all over again.

Rufie Darling

I was offered a free ticket to see Rufus Wainwright in concert tomorrow night. I turned it down. A lot of my friends would think I'm insane. I prefer to think of it as intellectually challenged.

Hardship

This Wednesday through Sunday I will be camping in Guerneville for Lazy Bear Weekend. This is the same bearish event I attended last year. This year I'm roughing it with Michael and Mike to explore all the crazy fun this resort-like vacation has to offer. While it's not camping of the homeland variety it will involve a distinct lack of hair dryers or the regular spa treatments. This will be the longest trip the three of us have taken together. Fortunately we're bringing the traveling condo so if we get on each other's nerves we can each retreat to our own separate wings of the tent for a little peace and quiet. Meanwhile we'll try to find someway to get by with the meager king size inflatable mattress with feather comforter, table & chairs, vanity station and gourmet camping food. This gay camping thing is hard work.

Sesame Street It Ain't

Tonight's plans are brought to you by the letter D and by the number 3. Dinner, drinks and dancing by Michael, Mike and Damon. We're going to hunt out some new dinner spot then hit our "secret" lesbian bar before joining the hairy masses (double entree fully intended) on the dance floor at Bearracuda. Come and join us!

To Finance or Not to Finance?

My supervisor/friend who got me into this accounting position has starting giving me lots of tips for how I can have a long and successful career in the world of finance. That's really cool and exciting and shit. The only snag is: do I *want* a long and successful career in finance? This shift from grunt newspaper graphic designer or occasional piano teacher/music director has been a very welcome boost to my personal finances and has allowed me to enjoy life in the big city, but is it something I want to invest into for the long term? Hm. It definitely lacks in the glamor department not to mention the artistic fulfillment department. If I can stave off the boredom (and accountant social stigma) continuing in accounting would indeed be a smart decision for my personal finances. The company I'm at has programs to assist with schooling/training, but maybe I should get some sense of how long I expect to be in this field before I jump into pursuing another degree or getting my decoder ring from Accounting Geeks Anonymous. Anyone have a lucky 8 ball or pocket psychic to help me decide?

Flaming

Friday night I went to the Fire Art Festival and was in pyro heaven. Flames bursting, roaring, twisting and exploding at every turn.

The giant flaming serpent had buttons along it's body so all us pyro-wanna-bes could make various segments of the body roar with flame. In fact, they had interactive fire play throughout the entire festival. There were zen sand gardens simmering with fire which danced and played under your rake and bongos which triggered bursts of flame as you played. They even had a large screen version of Dance Dance Revolution where you wear a fire suit and flames are shot into your protected face every time you make a mistake. If there were willing to set me completely on fire, I would have done it, but the flame throwers didn't even seem to be working all that well so I moved on to more interesting things.

They had a Beverly Hillbillies type contraptions in which flames shot through pipes to play various musical sounds. They also have flames roaring up the center of a block of ice shaping a glass (or metal?) pot that was suspended inside. That's just cool shit.

The rather abstract photo above is a link to a rather abstract video of Michael and I raking the firey sand in a tiny zen garden.

Rebuilding Trust

I didn't mean to do it. It's not like I set out to hurt you. I was trying to give you the sustenance you wanted and the taste your craved. How was I to know that pizza was laced with ick and would induce chunky convulsions of utmost horror? Can you ever forgive me? And can you get over it quickly? I was kinda hoping we could have some of the ice cream that's in the work freezer...

Hippie Love

"Free thinking is good as long as there is indoor plumbing."

Talkative

After a productive week for personal projects and feeling nicely domestic in my place, I'm feeling all social and chipper today. While I normally do my work without much socialization, today I'm all, "Hi, I'm Damon. What's your name? Let's be friends." I talked with three female co-workers about bra fitting locations for sizeable breastules. I boldly asked a male co-worker about his poly-relationship. I chit-chatted with the pint-sized temp who is always smiling and asked her how you pronounce Uyen (when). I made small talk with the CFO in the kitchen and just kept socializing my way through the day. Fortunately the day is just about over because I'm starting to feel the temptation to start talking to the plastic plants in the lobby.

Driven to Cook

Monday night the power was out at my apartment for over an hour. What was I to do without the internets to keep me company or a dvd to distract me from the darkened gloom? I actually resorted to dusting and cleaning up the kitchen. I know. Ghastly.

In cleaning up I discovered a bunch of favorite recipes that had been hidden away for the last year. While I have been cooking when at Michael and Mike's, I think I may have cooked twice in my SF apartment. I have however, mastered the art of heating up frozen meals and finding fun new restaurants to try.

Last night I made tasty Taco Soup. Tonight I'm making Stuffed Hamburger Cabbage Buns for my men in my very own kitchen. We'll see if the world ends or something because I'm actually doing a bit of cooking. But never fear. I'm sure this new addiction to cooking won't last. I'm way too addicted to things like chatting, digital art projects and flirting with the men in my neighborhood to waste my time being healthy.

Queers Converge

So it's gay Pride this weekend. This'll be my first Pride event anywhere and I'll be experiencing it at homo ground zero: San Francisco. Anyone wanna take bets on how long it takes before Damon passes out from all the queentosterone and butchtrogen that will be overtaking the city?

Splish-Splash

There once was a wave. This wave consumed a man crouching on a beach. A cameraman captured this event seconds before becoming engulfed in the wave himself. Now the only thing the camera will say to the forlorn cameraman is "Err 99." Now he must reply upon the Canon gods to heal his broken camera and return it to him whole once again.

That's So Not Me

Brood (n) <'brüd>: to meditate with morbid persistence

Smelly Reputation

I love me some essential oils aromatherapy crap. I have various concoctions like "immune support," "meditative mood," "joy," and "anxiety release" which I sprinkle around my cubicle each day to try to find a zen space in the midst of my 10 hr work days. The scents of my addiction are starting to draw more and more people who come to my desk just to take in a few whiffs of tranquility before continuing on with their day. So evidently I'm now in charge of accounts payable as well as providing an herbal spa service for the entire company. The seaweed wrap is at 3pm, bring your own towel.

Associations

On Sunday I sat in the audience for a dance recital for a 5 year old girl while entertaining her baby sister. I was wondering why I have so quickly become connected to these two little girls (and their moms) when I remembered how much I enjoyed helping my mom take care of my two sisters as they grew up. As I sat watching the one dance her heart out and holding the other in my lap I remembered those early years with my sisters. I kissed the baby girl on the head and I cried tears of joy as I thanked God for the years I had with Melissa.

What'd You Do This Weekend?

Cushy camping, sunbathing, friends, new drink concoctions, birthday celebrations, baby unicorn dancers in recital, playing uncle Damon, chocolate dipped waffle cones, lots of time with one of my bfs and the return of the other who was away far too long. These are some of the things that make for an utterly delightful weekend.

The Topsy Turvy Bus

Anyone wanna get me one of these for Christmas?

Mer-Queens

Yesterday 5 adult-ish people sat around brainstorming all kinds of fabulous ideas for a little girl's birthday while she found catching lady bugs much more fascinating than all that boring planning.

The mermaid theme will be at a pool with sea-like decorations, a little mermaid cake, and oceanic party favors. In a grand display the sea king will give a speech about the treasures locked away in the chest at the bottom of the pool then dive in to open the chest allowing these goody-filled bags to float to the surface for each child present. Once the pool fun is complete two mer-men will carry the 5 year old guest of honor on her throne through the pool and up to the cake to blow out her candles. Sounds pretty fun huh? I'd enjoy it if I were a 5 year old. Heck, I'd enjoy it if I were a 35 year old.

Yesterday 3 grown men ran around the party store squealing with glee as we grabbed all the pink, princessy, mermaidesque, sea-like accessories for the affair. I'm nearly positive that we're all having more fun with this than any the kids will. In fact, I'm probably looking forward to the event more than the soon-to-be 5 year old, but she can just bite me cuz this is (evidently) my mermaid party too. Now where's my tiara?

<cough> More Gummy Bears Please <cough>

Ok, so I "haven't been feeling well" for the last week. I finally made it back to work for a full day yesterday. It seems like I should say that it feels good to not be home-bound, but since it was Mike and Michael's home I was bound to, it was actually pretty darned nice. Now I'm back to an independent existence and have to remind myself that I can no longer just snap my fingers and have gummy bears brought to me while I absorb myself in a comic book. Ah well. I figure I can only pretend to be sick for so long...

Wicked Mother Nature

Mother Nature obviously has a sadistic streak. Yesterday was hot, sunny and "must wear shorts" weather. So when staying the night at Mike and Michael's I, of course, only packed shorts. Enter Mother Nature and her wicked sense of humor. Today it's bitter cold and cloudy. In fact, I think I might have even seen a few snow flakes. If I can find Mother Nature today... I'm so gonna kick her ass.

Pain In the Ass

I've been out of work this week not feeling well and as such have been watching lots of movies. For the record, Pan's Labrynth is NOT a sweet children's fairy tale. It was good, but I was so not in the right frame of mind to watch that film. V for Vendetta is still an awesome movie. Epic Movie was only mildly amusing, while Music and Lyrics was quite enjoyable. Lady in Water kicked ass and is one I want to see again. Happily N'Ever After just kinda left me wondering why I'd wasted my time while The Ultimate Avengers II and Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo fed my superhero itch. So movies, Mike, Michael and two pounds of gummy bears have gotten me through that last few days. Tomorrow I actually have to go back to work before my 4 day weekend. What a rough, rough existence I live.

Feeling Right At Home

Tomorrow Mike, Michael, Ron, Reiner and I are taking a wild, fun-filled road trip to none other than the illustrious Bakersfield, CA. Now, if you're from my home town that's akin to driving to Anchor Point for a fun-filled weekend (for those of you unfamiliar with that area cringing, gasping, fainting, vomiting or general looks of horror would be acceptable responses). Bakersfield even has a shoe repair store in the shape of a shoe. Hyuck, hyuck. That's soooooo funny. OMG. Heh, heh... (grrrr).

So, um, why exactly are we packing a car with five full grown men (some of whom never got the "time to stop growing" memo) to drive for 3+ hours to white trash central? Well, I'm glad you asked. It's all about the company we keep and the fact that we get to go hang out with the ever entertaining Mike's mom (known to the world at large as "Pat"). She's a riot and the car packed with our own version of the Fab Five should prove for some rather interesting antics all by itself. I'm pretty sure they have huge banners hanging across the streets of Bakersfield right now boldly warning "The Queers are Coming! The Queers are Coming!" Children will be running for cover, frightened tears streaming down their precious little faces. Little old ladies will be pulling out their pepper spray and muttering something about how you can't even find a regular cup of coffee anymore because of those crazy city folk and their highfalutin ideas. And men who - at some time or another - heard of the concept of bathing, will be practicing their canned "some of my best friends are gay" speech.

So we're staying the entire weekend in the glorious city of Bakersfield, but fear not. I'm taking my anti-hick spray with me and plan on using it in liberal doses.

Coping Mechanism

Chocolate and sex. Can you think of a better way to cope on a bluesy day? I think not.

Out and About

Well, there's nothing like your friend and former pastor reading your all-gay, all-the-time online journal. Pay no attention to the naked men or mention of boyfriends or distinct lack of girlfriends. heh Um, hi friend and former pastor. Good to have ya here. *twitch*

Shroud of Darkness

Ping-Pong: "Can I take the shroud of darkness out for awhile? I'll take good care of it, I promise."

Keeper of the Shadow: "You know what happened last time you borrowed the shroud..."

Ping-Pong: "I know, but Meeko's hair has grown back since then."

This Is the Life

There's nothing quite like hacking heads out of photos and bastardizing classic book covers to make for a fun-filled evening. Even better: have your boyfriend sit next to you and impress him with your mad Photoshop skillz while doing it.

Make It Stop

It was another action-packed weekend for me. From being butch with a hammer to buying a sewing machine to make my own drapes, it was a weekend of diversity and fun. Michael, Mike and I constructed, shopped, danced, watched videos and gardened. The weekend was rounded out with a nude pool party packed full of the exact type of people that you hope to never see at that sort of event. You can't even imagine the horrific nightmares I had last night.

Gayly Roughing It

The Mikes and I are planning do some camping trips this summer so we decided to buy a tent. Otherwise known as a thin walled condo. Not only are each of the two separate rooms large enough to practice my acrobatic circus routine (I'm hoping to join Fredina on the road), but the bay windows, gear loft, remote controlled light, cup holders and many other features make me wonder why I even bothered with renting an apartment. I think we'll use the east wing for dinner parties and put the pool in the north wing. Of course we still have to decide whether the hired help will enter through the front door or the back.

Rubbing It In

My day was planned with ever important errands all over town: buying clothes, checking out art galleries, going to new book stores, etc. In the end, I just napped most of the day. These days off are becoming quite the chore.

Triplets

Um, this whole regular three day weekend thing? Yeah. It kicks ass. Tomorrow I have a schedule choke full of goofing off and doing whatever the hell I please. It'll be rough, but somehow I'll make it through.

Google Tells All

I'm sitting at work, where they track computer usage to make sure you're not making bombs or ogling boobies on the clock. I had this crazy notion to see if Fredina did indeed have a website so I punched in a Google search for "pygmy transsexual yodeling dominatrix" when suddenly I realized that the IT guys at work might be able to see what I'm searching for. As evidence to the depth of my depravity, imagining them trying to make sense of that search amused me to no end. By the way, Fredina apparently is too cool for the web. While another Fredina does have a myspace, *my* Fredina continues to exist only in the circus world (and in my warped little blog).

Fredina

I don't intentionally create situations to freak my family out. Really and truly I don't. Yet I'm sure it seems that I'm on some quest to trump my last freaky venture just to test my family's love and tolerance (which has proven amazingly strong thus far).

I've always done the artistic, metro-sexual and "stick me with needles cuz that's the best way to healthy living" thing which already makes the family's "ain't that special" radar buzz and hum. I got a divorce going against the strict morals of my upbringing. Then I gleefully declared my membership to the Clan of the Gay and moved thousands of miles away to pursue a relationship with another member of that same clan. Now I'm dating not one, but two men in some outrageous triadic concoction of freaky bliss. Through it all, my family has done a wonderful job of just shrugging their shoulders and loving me anyway.

My sister is loving how much I'm aggressively charging through family norms because she says that in comparison to me she can do no wrong. Glad I could help ya out sis.

For my next feat I think I'll open up a body piercing studio with Fredina, the pygmy transsexual yodeling dominatrix who I met at that circus side show in Berkeley. Hi Fredina. Hope you're doing well.

Birthday Follow Up

The birthday weekend of celebratory bliss turned out, well, blissful. The "pathetically white rap duo" sure does know how to celebrate. We rented a house in Sea Ranch with tons of windows revealing the ocean and the amazing weather we had for the weekend. We perused an amazing photography gallery, visited with a resident artist, walked on the beach, took photos, took naps, soaked in the hot tub, watched movies and had ourselves a relaxing time. My gymnastic vault into bed was a big hit as were Michael's Freudian slips during my birthday dinner out. The weekend also involved alfredo sauce, tattoo pens, crazy cat ladies, Nutella, candy covered red peppers, and a lizard that turns red in the sun (no, not *that* kind of lizard). All-in-all, the weekend was great. You should be jealous.

Who Wants to Spank Me?

On Sunday it'll be 35 years since I tore myself from my mother's womb kicking and screaming. Poor mom, what'd she do to deserve that? Well, to celebrate this grand occasion I'm kicking up my heels up at Sea Ranch with The Mikes (kinda sounds like a pathetically white rap duo, doesn't it?). Oh wait, I forgot that I'm not supposed to know where we're going... I meant to say I'm going away to a yet to be disclosed destination of birthday bliss. Four days away from work, laundry and commute traffic. That'll be nice, but even better: four days that are all about me. While it's true that every day is already about me, this will be like extra special days about me where I can demand umbrella clad fruity cocktails, therapeutic herbal sea weed wraps and little chocolate shavings on my raspberry chocolate mousse. Of course, it'll be just my luck that "the pathetically white rap duo" will read this before we leave tomorrow and decide to cancel the whole thing. I was just kidding guys. Jeez. I can live without the chocolate shavings.

Silly Doctor

Doctor: "You probably have bronchitis."

Me: "But I gargled with vinegar and cayenne pepper."

Doctor: ...

Me: "It's the miracle cure."

Doctor: "I can't do anything for your bronchitis. It'll just have to run it's course."

Me: "But, see, I can't have bronchitis cuz I took the miracle cure."

Doctor: "Here's the number for a psychiatrist. I'll warn her that you're on your way."

Dear John

Extra Income, you were good while I had you in my life, but we've grown apart. I just don't feel the spark for you I once felt. I took on a second job so I could have you in my life, but now I'm taking this side job and increasing those hours to make it my one - and only - income. I know that we'd hoped to stay together in our two job existence for a long time, but I need something else. Extra Income, it's time for me to move on. I hope you understand. I want to thank you for bringing me a new job that has half the commute, pays more and has been much more interesting/challenging. Extra Income, I value the time we had together and I hope you find a money whore who can treat you with the respect you deserve.

All my love,
Damon

Getting Better, I Reckon

Some of you will know how, um, alternative I like to be with remedies when I'm sick. And by "alternative" I of course mean certifiably insane. It's true that I sometimes take showers alternating scalding hot with freezing cold water (i.e. hydro therapy) to try and jump-start my immune system. It's also true that I drink herbal sludge concoctions steeped in alcohol (i.e. tinctures) to kick a cold. And I've even been known to pay people to turn my back into one gigantic hickey (i.e. cupping) to find pain relief. So my latest delve into insanity should come as no surprise.

Imagine a bubbling brew of water, apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, salt and tons of honey. Then imagine putting that spicy sour brew in your mouth and gargling. Next imagine spewing said brew all over your bathroom mirror because it's so amazingly awful.

While that scenario alone is enough to buy anyone a ticket to the funny farm, do you think that someone who repeats this scenario numerous times might be a danger to society at large? I have no idea of this Cajun-esque brew will actually kill what I think may be strep throat, but it sure makes for some good blogging.

Adventure-R-Us

My current life theme is experience. If you called me up and said, "Wanna go paragliding off the top of the Golden Gate Bridge?" I'd be your friend for life (or at least until we plunged into the bay screaming like little girls). If you say, "Let's go check out some funky new art gallery three hours north of the city," I'd be at your doorstep by 8am, travel cooler fully stocked.

The snag with this fun little life theme is that my schedule quickly gets filled up with my adventures and I go weeks without seeing friends that I enjoy just hanging out with. So, sorry friends-I-enjoy-just-hanging-out-with. I haven't forgotten you and I plan to write, really I do. But it's hard to write when you're bungy jumping into the heart of a volcano from a moving helicopter. You understand, right?

Double-Wide Road Yacht

This morning I drove Mike and Michael's Intrepid (i.e. the double-wide road yacht) to work. I side-swiped my way down the traffic-laden highways leaving a trail of Mini's and other lesser vehicles behind. As I commanded the road with the ease of a tractor trailer driving down a bobsled chute, I realized just how perfect my tiny Honda Civic is for life in the bay area.

By All Means

While riding in a car on a busy bridge surrounded by numerous other metal machines of rapidly imending death, there are 11 words you never want to hear from the driver: "I need to just close my eyes for a little bit."

I Can't Even Whore Myself Properly

No one told me that to be a successful money whore my life had to be all about work. Suddenly I'm thinking: not so much. I'll take back some of those high paying hours and get myself some rest, some fun and some social time, thank you very much.

Sanity Comes From Within

I am completely sane. Or at least that's what the voices in my head keep telling me.

Think Smart Thoughts

When you're dumber than a box of rocks there's nowhere to go but up.

Learning to Love Oneself

The ultimate in narcissism is walking around a place checking out the guys, coming around a corner and thinking "I'd do him" before suddenly realizing you're looking into a mirror.

Does it make it any better that the lighting was really, really low? Like almost pitch black. And, um, foggy. And the mirror was dirty. Yeah, dirty...

Did I mention it was dark?

And They Flew

"Come to the edge, He said. They said, We are afraid. Come to the edge, He said. They came. He pushed them... and they flew."
- Guillaume Apollinaire

Ice Fog Kills

It's been beautiful weather here. Sunny and warm. I'm recalling the month of February when I used to live in Fairbanks. I'm recalling 30 below temperatures and ice fog. I recall such things, think about my present circumstances... and cackled uncontrollably.

All Play and No Work

Today I only work one job. I don't even teach the 2 piano students that I'd normal teach on Thursday nights. I'm taking Friday off and have Monday off for the holiday. I'll be home by 4pm today and then free till Tuesday. Not only that but it's a bear filled weekend for me filled with dancing, flirting, groping and more dancing. I'm sitting here like a kid waiting for Christmas to start. Now who's package am I going to unwrap first?

I'll Take Peace However I Can Get It

"So, I'm likely still heading down the road to disaster but at least I feel a peaceful sense of delusion about it all."

10,080 Minutes

I made it through almost an entire week of "I'm fine and empowered and shit" before the oh so fun "damn what's good for my emotional health, I don't want to live without them" whining kicked in. That's almost an entire week people. And people say I'm too emotionally wishy-washy. Pffft.

Thrash Till You Crash

So, um, the problem with having mostly older gay male friends: they like older gay male stuff. You know like elaborate musicals, political satire, the color pink... and 34 year old Alaskan "boys" (at least they have a *little* taste). They also seem to like Bette Midler, Judy Garland and the great jazz classics from the 20s and 30s. That's all fine and good and high cultured and crap, but sometimes, just sometimes, a guy might want something a little more fun and recklessly youthful. Of course when "a guy" decides he's going to find just that... he ends up going by himself. *sigh* Here's hoping I find some great new thrash buddies at the concert tonight.

Pace Yourself Young One

Well, I guess my greedy ways have served me well since I made it through my long day yesterday with flying colors (and even worked an extra hour at the 2nd job). Today, I have the same schedule. These long days will only be twice a week so I think I can sustain for the month or so that I'll be doing it.

Captain Moolah

Today is the day I discover if I'm really the money whore I aspire to be: 8 hrs at my regular job then 4 hours at this side consulting job.

Will our hero find the beloved money motivation to make it through the day? Tune in next time to find out.

Love Lost

With deep love comes the potential for deep pain. Intense joy carries with it the possibility for intense sorrow. Do I choose to avoid the fullest depth of love for fear of it's counterpart? I hope I never get to the place where I stop allowing myself to fully and richly experience life, love and relationships. I'm thankful for the love I felt. I'm thankful for the joy it brought. I am moved to great depths of sorrow that those things can no longer be realized. I look forward to the next opportunity I have to experience them again. If you're reading this... I will love you always.

Feed My Starving Ego

I started my consulting job today. Damn are they in desperate need of help. Like my out of control savior complex needs any more bolstering. They are only a month behind on all accounts payable, changing their entire accounting system (but don't even know how to print checks in the new system), and preparing for an audit next week. The fact that I get to sweep in, do some work, then leave again... kinda alleviates the stress issue. Oh, that, and them paying me ridiculous amounts of money to write stuff in my blog. *cough*

Money Whore

The new job is going well in spite of the blaring lack of micromanaging or supervisory drama so far (what's with that?). In addition to that income-oriented success, I'll be consulting around 20hrs/wk at another biotech for the next month helping with accounts payable making crazy amounts of money. Which, naturally, makes me crazy amounts of happy. I'll be putting in 50+ hour work weeks for a little while, but I think it'll be worth it. And... for some crazy reason I seem to have complete control how many hours I work at each place so not only will I be filthy rich, but I'll also have absolute power. My purpose on this earth is now complete. I might take a short break before heading off to my next conquest.

That's a Private Matter

The president at my new job, who speaks English as her second language, gleefully mixes her male and female pronouns when referring to her staff giving me the impression that everyone at my new job is transgendered. Just in case there's some special initiation ritual of which she neglected to inform me... I wore a steel jock to the office today.

Can't Stand Still

I'm off again tomorrow for another extended weekend trip. This time I'm going to the chilly Chicago area. Why? Cuz I've completely lost my mind. My friend Jim is cool and stuff, but the timing of the trip was dictated by a ticket credit that had to be used before next month. So... I get a good dose of winter in the midst of my California existence. The plan is to have some interesting sites, experiences and relaxation in between the moments of cursing Jim for living in such a cold place.

And in completely minor news... I just accepted a permanent position at another company. While it'll be tough to work without having my every move micromanaged and without the ever present knowledge that I'm not wanted... I'm find a way to make it through.