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Reality Check

I've been playing piano for an upcoming musical. Its a fun show and a good cast. Still, rehearsals have been very difficult for me. With my as yet undiagnosed medical stuff all this piano playing brings a lot of pain, exhaustion and difficulty sleeping. Besides that, the muscle tightness and limited practice ability means I really just can't play the score very well. And this is all in spite of the fact that I'm on pain meds, muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatories, in physical therapy and essentially bathing in Ben Gay.

So I sit through rehearsal in significant pain, feeling like crap because I'm sucking at playing the score. Saturday I had to sit and play for 5 hours. I was near tears by the time I was finished and wasn't sure how I would make it through the rest of the show.

Before Sundays 5 hour rehearsal the music director was sitting and playing through some of the songs for the singers and playing much better than I could. I asked if it was too hopeful to think that he was going to take over the playing and put me out of my misery. That opened up a discussion about my pain issues (some of which he already knew). Essentially it led to him very generously letting me out of my obligation to play the show.

I left as they were starting rehearsal feeling a tremendous sense of relief. As the day wore on I also began to feel sadness. Sad that my condition is so bad that I can't get through a piano gig. Sad to lose the opportunity to play in this show. Sad that I wasn't able to follow through with my commitment. Still, the feeling of relief is there and even a hope that I might be able to get this condition under control now that I'm not aggrevating it with so much playing.