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Security Warning

This lovely little car of ours is very secure. We're talking high level security here. So high, in fact, that whether I can actually get in the thing depends on the celestial variance brought on by the exact alignment of the moon with the rain clouds hovering over top the vehicle.

If I try to open the car with the key the alarm goes off. Key: bad. Little push button unlocker: good. And by alarm we're not just talking about any ol' "beep, beep" here. It's an all out bring on the air national guard series of varying alarms guaranteed to make you soil yourself (the dry cleaning bill alone is killing me).

Try to open the trunk before you've unlocked the car: alarm. Leaving the car unlocked for 2 minutes without putting the key in the ignition makes the car lock itself again so if you have the trunk open, say for something crazy like loading groceries, the alarm goes off when you finally close the trunk.

And heaven forbid that you should be extra safe and push the lock button twice when leaving the thing. Lordy be it doesn't like that. Bells, whistles and an entire brass band of alarms.

What's extra special is that the remote has a range of about 3.35 feet and it doesn't activate if you push the button too quickly. But whatever the freak you do, for the love of all that is sacred, never EVER push the lock button twice. Trust me on this one. You don't want to do it. And even more importantly your neighbors don't want you to do it when you get home from dancing at 2am.

Fortunately the resounding alarm can be turned off with a push of a button... or so I'm told. One push of the unlock button didn't do it. Twelve pushes didn't do it either. Rapidly trying every button combination known to man (and a few known only to left handed martians) didn't do it either. Apparently it requires standing on one foot while yodeling the national anthem backwards and pressing the unlock button very slowly from outside the vehicle at an exact right angle to the carburetor's left nut.

All this and I have yet to try the panic button. I sooooo don't want to know what that button does.

comment already

because there’s nothing that amuses me more than hearing your pathetic opinion

Panic Button~Worse than all of that and more!

This is too funny....thanks for the laugh. Now i know its not just me.

And it's so much fun when you strap your little one in the car seat, leave the keys sitting on the back seat, walk around to the driver's side door only to have the damn thing lock itself just as your hand reaches the door handle.

Our cars were made by the same joker.

Panic Button...bet it sings softly to your panic stricn mind while you wait for the stars to align right so you can shut the alarm off....