April 2005

My week

Tulips and lilies and little annoying tales,
Ice tea and sandals and persistent sea snails.
Blisters that come from joys too intense,
And meals hand delivered with small chocolate mints.
Lazy days at the office when chores are all done,
And a cozy wee cabin rounds out all the fun.
On the morrow it fades with a boss who appears,
And an unwelcomed departure of someone most dear.

Frosted goodness

Sore throats, lack of energy, dying computer, chai tea shortage and obnoxious office assistants. I'd be having a terrible week if it weren't for the gorgeous sunny weather, spending time with loved ones, getting out of the house, and hanging out with friends thing. The cup is half full my friend.

A Far as the Eye Can See

Does someone want to explain to me why a street that is merely three-quarters of a mile long would be split into an East Pioneer Ave and a West Pioneer Ave??

For the cause

I'm having a hard time waking up today. I think I slept well and didn't take anything last night that should give me a hangover... I'm going to rule out getting sick, because that simply doesn't work into my plans. Instead it is only logical to assume that aliens from deep in the heart of the planet Neptune abducted me in the night and stole my REM sleep so they could give it to needy alien children around the galaxy. There are starving dreamers on Saturn you know. Operators are standing by. Call now.

Prop me up

I had the brilliant notion to join a friend for his regular gym workout on Saturday. It was pecs, triceps and abs day.

The fact that I can no longer lift my arms above stomach level is a decent indication that I went a tad too far in my first weight workout in years. The fact that I can no longer wear pullover shirts, style my hair or carry a stapler without fits of whimpering is a constant reality check that one should take these things slowly. Putting on clothing brings me near tears and I'm faced with the same problem when it comes time to take them off at night. I'm seriously considering just wearing this set of clothes for the rest of the week.

With such a kick ass, tough-as-nails workout I'd feel like a total stud if I weren't spending so much time whining like a girl.

Selling out to the land of ribbons and curls

I've just spent the last hour or so painting a "Gallery Open" sign for my office. A fun project if it weren't for the fact that it involves the color baby pink. I had free reign to do whatever I wanted with the sign... as long as it involved the specific teal and pink that adores our main sign. Besides being a rather special 80s color combination, it includes that special shade of pink that should be reserved for little girls, pigs and delicate flowers. Give me fuschia or magenta or hot pink, but I'm begging you: do not make me hold a brush full of baby pink paint in between these trembling artistic fingers. It is things like this that drive a man to drink.

Well deserved break?

My Friday was filled with lots of personal stuff and only a tad bit of work (so little in fact that's it's best we don't even mention it) then I left work early. So all in all... I got paid to start my weekend early. I'm trying to feel really bad about that, but not having any luck whatsoever.

Piss poor job

Ah the joys of a bar bathroom in good ol' Homer, Alaska. One toilet, one unrinal and one sink all in one little room. How many peeing guys can this one little room accomodate? Would you believe they were limiting it to 3 guys at a time? So much for resourcefulness.

Work ethic

When I tell callers that my boss is on vacation for two weeks they actually expect me to help them. What I'm going to start doing is telling them she's stepped out for a few and will call them back. "No, she doesn't need your name and phone number. She's psychic. And if she doesn't call you back it's because she knows what you do for private entertainment on the weekends... Have a good day!"

Yada yada

My office assitant has been talking straight for the last 10 minutes. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not making it up. I have not said one word, but simply sat here and listened to the damn longest run on sentence in the history of office assistants. And it's not just fluff. She's telling me some deep, personal stuff like it's no matter:

Her husband was abusive, her church is judgemental, her nephew is gay, her adopted child was talken away, she attempted suicide years ago, she's currently not going to church, she likes this morning radio show, what life was like in California, she's going to try a new church, God's been awesome to her, she's not overly religious, she was becoming an atheist before God changed her life around, her son belongs to the masons and there's nothing wrong with it...

I'm trying really hard to be sympathetic with some pretty serious life traumas, but the flapping of her trap is making it extremely difficult.

From days gone by

"Being a peacemaker doesn't mean helping the boat to rock less. It means going to the eye of the storm and quenching it."

Art in progress

Who can ever understand the mind or the process of an artist...

White Pages

"Fantasies in Fiberglass: Aquatic Taxidermy" in Sterling Alaska

I wouldn't really say it's a problem

Sugar withdrawls leave me feeling exhausted and grumpy. My solution: never stop eating sugar.

Beauty is in the staunchly raised nose of the beholder

My work has an artist couple in residency this week. Beautiful tapestries and impressive classical guitar. Unfortunately they are a bit of a cliche cartoon couple. She's the snobby bitch and he's the annoying comedian. The thing they have in common: condescension and lots of it. Having now met them I'm seriously considering ditching their collaborative performance on Friday night.

Happy me

33 feels, for all practical purposes, much like 32 does. The beginning of a new year of existence is, however, a very nice thought. A future of possibility and adventure lies again. The cup is half full, my friend.

Now that the sentimental platitudes are out of the way... bring on the crazy ass party!