January 2005

Some piercings are sexist

Studies show that boys should never pierce their labia.

// my personal research assistant: valette //

For women who find comfort in the monotonous

"Was your ex-husband abusive to you?"

"As often as he could."

"Why did you stay with him?"

"Why does any woman stay through that?"

I swear the above conversation is a mandatory inclusion in any Lifetime movie. I caught this particular conversation while eating lunch in the living room with my mom. Two women are going away for the weekend at a cabin in the woods. A huge snow storm is on it's way in. The abusive ex-husband was just released from prison...

Those 5 minutes pretty much told me the plot of the rest of the movie. And while the instant knowledge of the entire story isn't nearly as scarring as actually watching the cliche plotline unfold... it was still pretty damn scarring.

I can quit whenever I want

Selling tickets, taking art submissions, distributing class notices, folding programs, receiving auction payments, planning upcoming performances, paying bills, entering credit card deposits...

I'm on a major productivity high right now. I've been going non-stop since I got to work. I'm going to crash hard when I get off at 2pm, but at the moment I'm all glazed-eyes and nervous twitches. BRING IT ON!!!!!!

"...and they thought I was the best thing since sliced bread, and then..."

Is it considered an out of body experience when you're listening to someone ramble on and you see an image of yourself repeatedly stabbing yourself in the eye with a long, sharp skewer? The things I put up with just to be polite.

Is the computer plugged into the wall??

After serving as a homeless shelter for a freezing family... Roc provides a little lesson on furnace switches and working for the spawn of the devil.

Yahoo for me

With my pathetically slow dial-up connection at home and having worked at places that used Macs for the last 1.5 years... I've been missing out on a lot of internet goodness made for PCs with fast connections. I now work on a PC with a DSL connection, at a workplace that is casual about things such as personal usage issues. I'm committed to Yahoo Launchcast like it's crack. Color me giddy. I've joined the land of the living, the wired and the connected once again.

In a china shop

I'm rapidly growing to hate my part-time office assistant. She's part of a senior-citizen-returning-to-the-workforce program and she's returning with a bang. Loud, disrespectful, lazy and inflexible. All in all, a joy to work with. Good to know that I've not lost all fuel for the rant section of my blog...

Herbert of the gentle heart

I don't know if it's true and I'm too damn lazy to research it, but I hear that the tsunami stirred up all sorts of freaky deep sea fish. This is supposedly one of them. Some of the others looked like freaky ass sci-fi crap. If I were to encounter one of these in the ocean I'd be like, "Lord take me now, cause the aliens have landed!!"

Caricatures revisited

A few days ago I mentioned a sweet avatar design site to my friend Roc. He asked me to whip up an amusing likeness of him. I had forgotten how fun that generator really was.

badass roc (otherwise known as everyday roc)

geriatric roc (otherwise known as trying-to-be-way-too-cool-for-his-age roc)

Work it

Hm. Evidently my excitement with being full-time at work was a tad premature. I worked full days last week since my trainer was out of town, but this week in back to half-time hours (afternoons). As of next week I'll be officially working full-time. The time off is nice, but I do have to work everyday (including Friday) so the light schedule doesn't allow me to get away and do any of the partying that I've come to know and love. <sigh>

Chat like your teeth have fallen out

I'm chatting with someone who, I swear, must type one letter per minute. I could take in a movie waiting for his next reply!

Sing along

I experienced my first night of karaoke about 2 months ago with Andrew and Jennifer. Listening wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. In fact, I enjoyed it a lot. I found myself very drawn to sing, but my professional performer side couldn't bear the thought of getting up there without any rehearsal (pathetic I know). I've been to karaoke night a few times since always promising that I'm going to sing... always chickening out. So it's gotten to the point where I'm actually spending work hours looking for songs to sing so I can rehearse a bit before I next end up at karaoke night...

Somehow I think I'm killing the entire spirit of karaoke. May the karaoke gods smite me down and wipe this anally obsessive smirk from my face!!

Got it bad

I'm kinda foaming at the mouth for more of the same kind of fun I've been having in Anchorage... I wonder how long until I start gnawing my party-friendly arms off.

Pulling my designer hair out

At my new job I have to design flyers, tickets, postcards, etc. for arts events. Yay! I get to use a bit of my graphic design skills... Of course, since I work at a small non-profit, I have to do all this with Publisher. For a graphic artist, Publisher is likened to slowly stabbing a long, barbed skewer into one's eye. Being asked to do the simplest of photo corrections without even the most basic software... is like transfering the procedure to the other eye.

Sweet moves

Napoleon says you should buy his movie.

The trials of winter

Joat's most recent post highlights a hysterical commercial. Check it out.

Wheels in the big city

Well, yes, I was in Anchorage when the truck broke down. I had it towed to a mechanic and it's running again (starter relay safety switch). They said the starter will need replaced soon, but hopefully not before I get back to Homer.

The wheels have been great to have because I've seen a set of short plays at a community theatre, went to an awesome restaurant for a late night dinner, enjoyed karaoke night at a bar, got my ear pierced, met some great new friends, and have had an all around awesome time.

The highlight of the weekend was going dancing last night, which I've not done in years. I danced for nearly two hours straight. I hurt like hell today, but it was worth it. Tomorrow I return to the simple life in Homer (which may be some much needed recovery).

Destiny

My truck seems pretty adamant about entering retirement. Perhaps I should euthanize the sucker and call it done.

Viva Los Biodome!

Ignoring the nightmare that was my last road trip (which is how horror sequels always begin) I'm headed back to Anchorage this weekend. I found out that this is my last extended weekend before I'm full-time at my new job. I decided to take advantage of the freedom before it's gone for good.

Plot Lines

After my truck was brought back from an early retirement in an Anchorage church parking lot, I headed on the road to Homer for another grand adventure. The plot in this sequel began with immediate action as relentless 90 mile-per-hour winds threatened to throw the truck into the rocky cliffs of Turnagain Arm. This was coupled with a rain which seemed to enjoy grabbing at my tires and blurring my vision. As I got into the mountains the wind died down... as did the last threads of daylight. The rain, on the other hand, only increased.

By the time I got to Sterling there were pools of water littering the road, each one trying to suck the truck into its grasp. On one four lane stretch of road I tried to move into the outer lane to pass a car. What looked like a small skim of water covering that lane was evidently a mini ocean because the truck was gracefully thrown into a sideways skid. This became a double pirouette across the yellow lines followed by a moon walk as I shot backwards toward the opposite side of the road. The whole routine ended with the truck perfectly parallel to the white line on the opposite curb just outside of the lane of traffic. Still facing toward home I started the truck again and drove off. This time I proceeded at a slower pace with no efforts at passing even the slowest of grandmothers.

keep reading...

Hm

The truck took a day off. It has really been bogged down with all that starting and running lately and decided it was high time for a vacation. I'm hoping my younger brother can coax it into coming out of retirement so I can get back to Homer tomorrow.

New Years in Anchorage

So apparently any and all New Year's activities in Alaska are centered around drinking. Valette and I weren't up for that scene so searched desperately for alternative activities. The singular option we found was a dance at an alcoholics anonymous group. After much consideration the thought of a party with a bunch of grumpy people who would much rather be drinking... didn't sound the best way to spend our evening. We didn't end up finding anything thrilling to commemorate the evening, but we did end up having fun hanging out together which was the whole point of the weekend.