There are everyday words which can have obvious sexual connotation. Words such as hard, long, and wet (makes me giggle just typing them). Then there are words that would seem perfectly harmless to an average person, but would be construed in sexual ways by jr. high boys... and people who think like them. My sister, her husband, and I spent most of the afternoon on Sunday listing mundane words which could sound sexual. Here are a just few of them:
tight, hot, moisture, kitten, firm, knob, tip, peak, mound, flesh, squeal, lubricate, bind, tongue, push, red, bulge, rub, fill, explode, rod, staff, lick, melon, round, damp, flower, jerk, gazelle, sticky, gooey, lips, mount, top, bite, position, entrance, bounce, in, mambo, pop, edible, button, ram, whack, poke, swing, nibble, rubber, wiggle, slip, throat, and engorge (my personal favorite).
You might be surprised at how many sexual innuendos we could find in everyday conversation. I know that I should be ashamed, but, hey, the average person only has a handful of words that relate to sex; I have a whole dictionary full of them!
True Confessions: In a particularly low part of my youth, my best friend and I used to sit in church and find sexual innuendos in the hymn titles. It's not like we were just doing this during the singing either. We passed many a dull sermon that way until the explosive laughter—which we tried to pass off as coughing fits—earned us special seats next to my parents. How I avoided a lightning bolt with that little venture I'll never know.
| April 30, 2004 11:34am | 
| opinionated (3)
I don't know about you, but I get the impression that God is trying to tell me something. What could that possibly be?
I find it interesting that the beginning of the list involved a lot of pain. Then as we began to sell stuff it involved a lot of healthy purging and a feeling of freedom. Now I just feel that miraculous blessings are being heaped on us. I don't know God's plan for us out of Alaska, but the current trend would indicate that He's gonna totally take care of the details. Color me humbled.
| April 30, 2004 07:32am | 
I find that my piano students have a difficult time with rests (places in the music where you don't play). Most have a very difficult time even acknowledging that a rest exists in the song. Even after I point out a rest, students seem to forget they are there. After a student sees the rest they seem to not be able to count for it. They will count fine up to the rest, wait a brief moment, then resume counting (where they had left off) on the note after the rest. They are confused at the fact that their counting gets off, but have a difficult time understanding how it happened.
I don't think that students are being lazy about rests. I just think that their brains can't make sense of these exact quantities of nothing. As students get into high school rests seem to become easier and fairly solid by the time they are adults. Is this due to introduction of more complex, theoretical math or some cognitive developmental thing? Being the concrete sequential that I am, I don't think I ever had difficulties with rests so I'm fascinated with this common problem. Any theories?
| April 29, 2004 08:52am |
| opinionated (5)
"All I see is a little red prick."
–my brother-in-law
| April 28, 2004 09:16pm |
| opinionated (0)
It's 8:20am. I've been at work for 20 minutes and I've completed all but one of my jobs for the day. The remaining job will be a very quick job that I can do once another staff member arrives at 9am.
Update 9:30am: I got a few more jobs to do today, but it's still not overwhelming like it has been. Praise God for lulls.
| April 28, 2004 08:27am | 
| opinionated (0)
Here's a little something to tide you over. Get laid. Get off. Get laid-off.
| April 27, 2004 08:03pm |
| opinionated (1)
I hate being so busy and so stressed. I am moving in a week and a half which entails finding a new job, wrapping up every last detail of my 14 years in Fairbanks, having lunch several times a week with people I haven't talked to in like a year, but whom I feel the need to see before leaving, preparing vehicles and belongings for a major road trip, and saying goodbye to 20+ kids who I've bonded with as their piano teacher. On top of all that my morning job is actually expecting me to work. It's been crazy busy there and I don't have time for my regular breaks let alone all the personal to-dos that I normally do at my desk.
I have a long list of things I want to post on my blog, but they all take time. This "pity me" rant will simply serve as a marker to hold my place in the bookmarks of the 3.5 people who read my blog until I can give them what they really want. Well, not what they "really want" because my host doesn't allow nudie photos, but you get my drift.
| April 27, 2004 07:48pm |
| opinionated (3)
Upon trying to stream radio on my new work PC I discover that my boss didn't order speakers for it. When I asked the manager he was like, "Yep. It doesn't have speakers." Riiiight. Cause speakers are so freakin' expensive. Besides we wouldn't want the desktop publisher to be able to enjoy his time sitting at his desk. No siree.
Twit.
| April 22, 2004 07:29am |
| opinionated (3)
I got a new computer at work:
Bitterly, I'm leaving this job in just 3 weeks. InDesign, I hardly knew you.
| April 20, 2004 09:51am |
| opinionated (3)
Apparently Alaska is like the holy grail of places to live because I'm having random people insisting that I will absolutely hate living out of Alaska and will definitely be back, probably within the year. Now, by random people I'm talking about people that I don't know who just decide to that they know what is best for my life. Yesterday a complete stranger overheard me telling a friend that I was moving and he interrupts with this long disertation on how I'm going to be completely miserable out of the state and how there's no place as good as Alaska.
So is Alaska really the mecca of better living? I'm sorry, but if that's true then that is a very sad fact indeed. Don't get me wrong I love so many things about Alaska and it doesn't seem unlikely that I'd return someday, but I can't think that the millions of other people living out of state are just deluded.
So I'm hating that these meddling strangers are making me doubt what God has clearly orchestrated, but being the stubborn independent that I am it only makes me all the more determined to make it work.
| April 16, 2004 08:44am |
| opinionated (0)
K and I are driving to Anchorage today to say goodbye to my family and our godson. While I'm excited to see everyone I'm not looking forward to beginning the painful process of saying goodbye.
| April 16, 2004 08:30am |
| opinionated (0)
K and I are putting a cd player in her car for the long drive down to Washington. Of course, it's not your average cd player. It will play a cd, cd-r, cd-rw, or (drum roll please) an mp3 cd. Oh yeah. An mp3 player for the car. There will be no shortage of tunes on this trip. And while it's nothing special to look at... I think I'm in love.
| April 15, 2004 10:57am |
| opinionated (2)
Through my Netflix subscription I checked out Jeffrey, a comedy about a gay man who is terrified by the threat of aids and therefore swears himself to celibacy. His resolve is put to the test when he meets the man of his dreams... who happens to be HIV positive.
The comedic highlight of the movie was when the main character, played by Steven Weber, calls his parents for advice. I thought that I'd imagined the worst of embarassing sex talks one could have with one's parents. I was wrong. I have five words for you: phone sex with your parents. Horrifying to experience, but hysterical to watch.
This independent film is based on a stage play which gave the movie a great style which you don't normally see on the screen. There was a bit of awkward writing in the dialogue, but the story, jokes, and characters were well done. Steven Weber did well in the role of Jeffrey, except for the fact that it was hard to believe that he was gay when it came to the kissing scenes. He just looked so awkward with it. Michael T. Weiss, who played the hunky HIV positive love interest, was especially unconvincing at portraying a gay guy and, in general, at delivering his lines.
Fortunately the rest of the cast more than made up for this weakness. In fact, one of the main characters was played by Patrick Stewart who was 300% believable as a gay man. He gave a brilliant and consistent performance. The movie also had tons of cameos from top name actors (Nathan Lane, Sigourney Weaver, Olympia Dukakis...) who were were totally commited to the freaky characters they played.
I'm so glad that I took the chance to try this movie. It was surprisingly witty and a whole lot of fun. I definitely recommend it. 7/10
| April 14, 2004 06:12pm | 
| opinionated (1)
The teller at the bank came up with a $900 (not $1300) total for our moving sale receipts. I'm guessing that something got screwed up in my quick calculator tally. <sigh> I guess a total that merely doubled our expectations will just have to suffice.
| April 12, 2004 06:43pm |
| opinionated (1)
My last eBay auctions before my move completed today. I made another $450! All our online selling has brought in nearly $2500. Add the $1300 we got from the moving sale and the couple hundred from the classified ads and we've made about $4,000. While some of the things we sold are things that we definitely must replace, a lot of it is stuff that we can totally live without. Now we just have to sell my truck, my computer, and a set of studs (tires not love slaves) for k's car.
Our condo feels huge now. Sadly we have a month until we leave so we'll have to find creative ways to survive in this barren homeland.
| April 11, 2004 02:01pm |
| opinionated (3)
We just finished our moving sale. Everything was priced freakishly low because we just wanted to get rid of it. We expected to make a few hundred dollars. We made $1,300! That's more than a few hundred. And this after God tells me not to worry and to leave it all to him. I like the way God works.
| April 10, 2004 06:06pm |
| opinionated (0)
Some of my favorite bands are Delirious, Kutless, and Superchic[k]. I'm also rather fond of Jars of Clay, The Chris Tomlin Band, and Relient K.
Just 2 hours from our new place of residence... Guess where I'll be the end of July?
| April 8, 2004 06:14pm |
| opinionated (0)
Valette and I saw Scooby Doo 2 this weekend. Damn, that was good. The beginning was a little odd, but once I got in the groove of the movie it was awesome. The actors were much more solid in their roles this time around, particularly Matthew Lillard who was absolutely brilliant. The jokes and scenarios were also far better than in the first movie. While the first movie tried to reinvent the Scooby gang for the modern day, the writers, producers, and director of the second film made a concerted effort to return Mystery Inc to its roots. To this end they included many of the villians that the gang has fought in the past plus tons of classic Scooby gags. Valette and I were busting up through the whole movie. In fact, we were still laughing after we were out of the theater. I'm glad to see that this franchise got better with it's second installment. While there may be some casting changes, it looks likely that we'll be seeing a Scooby 3 in 2006.
| April 6, 2004 07:53am |
| opinionated (0)
Noooooobody knows the trouble I've seen.
Nnnoooooooby knows my sahrrows.
I'm so freakin' tired. This whole building-a-better-life-through-moving thing is very exhausting. If only major life changes were so... well... major.
| April 6, 2004 07:26am |
| opinionated (0)
Web Designer: I need you to scan these at super high resolution. The best resolution you can get. We need them to look really good.
Print Designer (me): Okay. I can do that. What specific resolution are we talking about?
Web Designer: Um, I don't know. Let go up to 300dpi.
Print Designer: Riiiiiight. We'll do the "super high resolution" of 300dpi. Gotcha.
I'm glad I asked because they would have gotten files scanned at 2400dpi. Scroll much?
| April 1, 2004 10:40am |
| opinionated (1)
So we sold the condo... to the first person to view it... on the first day it was on the market... for the price we were asking... with no caveats. Damn that was fast.
With how quickly this whole moving thing has progressed I get the sense that God is not only telling us "it's time for you to go," but that he's also saying, "don't let the door hit you on the way out."
| April 1, 2004 06:22am |
| opinionated (0)
art